Vegeta becomes a bookworm
by Toon-Alligator
Summary: Vegeta becomes in love with books, and has to get glasses. Then him and Bulma go to a resort, and after reading a Stephen King Novel, thinks a rabid dog is after him!! All of this brings him and Bulma closer!! Oh, and he thinks Trunks is a dinosaur.
1. Vegeta and his new love

INTRODUCTION This story takes place between the Cell Saga and the Buu Saga--when Trunks and Goten are 5 and 4. That means its 5 years after the buu saga. If your insterested, I have 3 stories in the Yu-gi-oh category--Mokuba the Runaway, Rex's Unreachable Dreams about being a popstar, and the horrors of sibling rivalry. I also have one in 'the hamtaro category--Ham Hams in Hawaii.Oh-- and if you Like Gohan, the story gets better for him. You just wait until around chappie four!! Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or any characters associated, Blah Blah Blah.....You know all that dribble. I also dont own any of the trademarked thingy's in here.  
  
Vegeta was endlessy cursed. Cursed, Cursed, cursed. Vegeta Breifs was cursed. And the last name-- that was also part of the curse. He wasn't cursed because he was a Kinko or a convict, or ugly, or something horrible like that. It was because.....5 years before now his son was born. Now his son was five--but hthat made it worse. All he knew to his life was whining. and nagging. Because once he had made the stupid mistake of having the kid, He had also made the stupider mistake of marrying the lady. Of course she was pretty, and good for a few kicks, but that was beside the point. The point was he could never do things HIS way anymore. And to make things worse, He had to see Kakarott, his biggest enemy, who also goes by Goku. Kakarott was always stronger than Vegeta and that made him mad. And then there was Yamcha. He was Bulma(His wife)'s annoying ex boyfriend. He was mean to Vegeta. And Krillin--He was annoyinger. And Gohan was a nerd, that was Kakrott's son, and his younder son Goten. But Gohan's girlfriend, to Vegeta, was kinda hot. So maybe he had a taste for younger women. WAYYYYYYYYYY younger. But that doesnt make him a pervert.(Yeah right, you keep telling yourself that, Vegeta) They had just beaten a monster named Cell who absorbed humanoid robots called the androids and added there powers to his own.He was extremely hard to beat, and after Vegeta's stregth had been exceeded by Gohan(Who was only 11 at the time)He had spent the last 5 years in training. Sometimes Trunks trained with him, sometimes not. Vegeta didnt mind one way or another, because he wanted his son to be as strong as he was. The 5 years in training had payed off, for Gohan who had not trained hardly at all was exceeded by Vegeta now.But now that little boy Goten or whatever was training. And then something else was bothering Vegeta. He was keeping a diary. He thought he was like a girl because it had little pink and purple flowers on it.  
  
Goku was endlessly happy. Happy,happy,happy. Son Goku was happy. He had a pretty wife and two adorable sons.Goten and Gohan. And, he was the strongest being on earth, what with his abilitly to reach SS2!! But he didn't like it that much because it made Vegeta mad. But he thought that one day Vegeta would be nice. Just like he beleived that one day Picollo would stop being a drunk and Gohan, his 16 year old son would get some acne medication. But that would never happen. For one thing, there was no seperating Picollo and his beer, and for another, Gohan didn't want to wear acne medication. So things were just stuck the way they were.  
  
Picollo lazily picked up the phone and dialed Goku's number. He was running on slow gears because of booze/babes session last night. How he could find green girls with pointy ears pretty, you'd hafta ask him. "Hello?" Chi Chi said. "Yessssss...." Came Picollo's troubled sigh. "I neeeeedddddd Goooookkkkuuuuu ....." His tongue dropped out of his mouth and just hung there. "Yes Mr. Picollo." Chi Chi said, and got Goku. "Hiya, Picollo!!" He said. "That was a pretty wild night!!" "Yessssssssssssssss............" Picollo replied. "Thatttttsssss the proooobbbllllemmmmm.......what doooo I doooo for thisssss hangover....???" He had been beaten so badly by a fellow drunk his tongue was almost forked like a snakes. "Ummmm....mix up summu dat advil and Sinus medication(Dont try this at home, kids!)and Aleeve, and dont forget about your Exederin. That should work for about 24 hours, okay?" "................................." "Okay?" "Yessss.....thankssss Gokuuuuu...." Picollo hung up and went to his blender. He poured in some fruit juice and added the medicine. Then he clicked it on. "Im tired of living like thisssss..." He said to himself. He looked at the empty bottles of things you could get drunk on. He had even emptied his supply of cooking sherry!! Picollo took a long drink of the concocrtion and fainted immediatly.  
  
"Cookies?" "Cookies." "Ice Cream??" "Ice Cream." Vegeta, Bulma and Trunks were out shopping for a party they were having that night. It wasn't that fun to Vegeta. Bulma snapped. "Oh!!" She said. "Vegeta, dear, would you run and get about a dozen 6 packs of Miller Lights??" Vegeta nodded. "Though I dont think giving Picollo the oppertunity to get drunk is the best idea." Bulma just went on with her buisness while Vegeta flew down the aisles. A couple of minutes later, he came back with the beer and stacked it in the shopping cart, which by now was almost filled to the brim. "Mommy, can I go look at the toys?" Trunks asked. Bulma said no. Trunks whined and said, "Daddy, can I go look at the toys?" "Heck yeah!!" Vegeta said. "Knock yourself out!!" Trunks smiled and ran to the toys. He was strictly forbidden by Bulma to fly until his 6th birthday. "I'm bored. " Vegeta said. "But Vegeta!!" Bulma countered. "Theres so much to do in a Grocery Store!!" "Like what??" Vegeta asked. "Get drunk on the beer samples?!" He looked over at the sample booze table, where Picollo was getting drunk. "I think I'll pass." He said snidly. "Well here." Bulma said. She gestured at an aisle full of books. There were adult books and child books, big books and small books. "I dont like books!!" Vegeta said. "They are the stupidest invention known to man!" Bulma shrugged. "Who knows? You might like it. Try it!" Vegeta shook his head because he was embarrased at the fact he could barely read because he never really needed to. But Bulma walked on, leaving him all by himself, so he decided he had nothing to lose. He picked up a book. On the front cover, it said, 'A Tale of Two Cities' By Charles Dickens.(He could barely read that, by the way)He opened it. "Dedicated in memory of my loving wife." It said. Vegeta was puzzled. "Why can't he remember his wife?" Her asked himself. "Mine nags so much I'll never forget her." Then he opened it to Chapter one and the first paragraph of writing. Vegeta had to squint to see the fine print. "Theres always tricks with this fine print." Vegeta said. "Thats why you can hardly read it. But dont get me wrong! I won't let it fool me!!" And he put the book back. But something about the picture of a city street on the front was interesting to Vegeta, so he opened it back up. He had a little trouble at first, but then the words came fluently." It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." He read out loud.  
  
"YOU bought a BOOK?" Bulma and Trunks asked at the same time. "Mommy, Im scared." Trunks said. "Why did you buy a book?" Bulma asked. "Is it porno? If it is, dont be afraid to tell me, it's a perfectly normal thing. Nothing to be ashamed--" "Its not porno." "Then what is it?" "................................." "Tell me or I'll tell Goku that it's a Charles Dickens novel and then you'll be really embarrased!!" Vegeta pulled the book out from underneath a couch coushin and chunked it at Bulma. A Garfeild bookmark fell out. "And a Garfeild bookmark!!" Trunks added. Vegeta attempted to punch poor Trunks, so he ran into his room. "You....YOu./....." Vegeta said, angry. Bulma could tell he was utterly embarrased and humileated and about to blow his stack. "You...You....YOU LOST MY PLACE!!" He picked up the book and the bookmark and searched through the pages for it's proper place. When he found it, he cradled the book in his arms. Then he went into him and Bulmas room and put it on the dresser under the alarm clock so it wouldent get dusty. Bulma followed. "What did you buy a book for?" She asked. "Your not like that!!" Vegeta frowned. Then he decided he wanted to read so he took out the book, layed down on the bed and started to read. It was so rare to see him quiet and relaxed. Then he smiled. Seeing Vegeta smile when somebody hadn't gotten hurt was too much for Bulma, so she fainted and whacked her head on the glass table.  
  
When Bulma woke up, Vegeta was laughing. She relized it was 3 hours ago she had fainted. Vegeta hadn't noticed. "I finished my book!!" Vegeta said happily. "It was about happy couples and cheery little boys and wonderful girls with little blond curls!!" Bulma strode right over and slapped Vegeta so hard he was seeing stars. He came to his senses. He grabbed Bulma's arm and twisted it until it made a sickening crack.  
  
"Sorry I broke your arm." Vegeta said. Bulma sat in a pink cast. "But you should be more like the little boy in The Tale of Two Cities. He endured his pain, and you should be the same." Bulma glared. "Shut up or I'll have you in jail for wife beating." Vegeta didnt want to go to jail. He just wanted more books.  
  
Later that night, at the party, things weren't going so great. It was 30 minutes into it and Picollo was so drunk he was stumbling over chairs and puking on the upholstry. Goku noticed He never once saw Vegeta. But he saw Bulma a few times but when he did she was wearing a blanket over her arm. Trunks was running everywhere with Goten and ruining the house. He had Picollo's barf in his hair. Gohan and Videl were on the couch watching a movie. Videl was trying very hard not to notice the fresh patch of acne on his face. Yamcha had a large bottle of Whisky in a brown paper bag. He wasn't exactly drinking it though. He maybe took one drink an hour and stared off into space. Picollo kept stealing his bottle, taking a sip and replacing it, but it didn't look like Yamcha noticed. Goku decided to burst into Vegeta and Bulma's room to see what was up. It was very rare Vegeta hadn't already said something to upset everyone.So Goku burst in the door. Vegeta had a book in his hand(No suprise) and he was reading it to Bulma. She had a pink cast on her hand and a big purple bump on her head. "Why the HECK is he reading to you??!!" Goku asked. Bulma stood up. "#1." She said. "He thinks I care. #2, He doesnt wanna go to jail." Goku was puzzled. "Jail?! And why is he reading in the first place?!" Vegeta, looking up seemed to notice for the first time that Goku was in there. He growled. "Kakarott!!" He said. "Get out of my bedroom or I'll beat you up and kill you--like the wrestler in this graphic story!!" Goku didnt feel much threatened by a fictional character. "Who's gonna make me?!" He said. "Your Books?!" "Actually, they are." He said slyly, and hurled a thick book at him. Goku ducked out of the room. "You know, Vegeta...." Bulma said. "I have some books that I got when I was a teenager. Would you like to see them?!" Vegeta placed his Garfeild bookmark in his book. "I guess so." He said. "But then I'm going to get something to eat. But Im going to limit myself to a few calories, thanks to Martha Stuart's Guide for Easy living." Bulma rolled her eyes. "That Martha Stuart sure is pretty." Vegeta said, dreamily. "If we had girls like that on Planet Vegeta, whoa." Bulma was offended.She thought that He shouldent say things like that. But she decided to show him the books anyway. There were three. One was A Walk To Remember By Nicholas Sparks, the second was Cujo By Steven King, and the third was a harliquin romance novel called Burning Passions. Vegeta didnt think that one looked interesting. "Bulma, can I Ki Blast this one?" He asked, pointing to the Burning Passions. "Go right ahead." Bulma said. "I hated it." So Vegeta Ki Blasted it with a satisfying blast. Then he picked up the Martha Stuart Living book and placed it neatly in his spot under Bulma's jewelry box. Then he went out to eat.  
  
Krillin, Goku, Vegeta, Chi Chi and Bulma were playing cards. Picollo was sleeping on the floor next to a puddle of barf. Gohan and Videl had left. "Ha, Kakarott." Vegeta said. "After you try to invade my privacy by bursting into my room, I showed you." He held up a royal flush. "A Royal Flush for the Prince." Chi Chi whined. Bulma slammed her cards down. "I'm out. How about everyone else?" They all nodded. "Oh yeah." Goku said. "I forgot to tell everyone. Vegeta was in the room reading a book!!" Chi Chi and Krillin bursted out laughing. "It was Martha Stuart Living. And thats not all!!" They all paused in their hysterics, waiting. "He was reading to Bulma!" They all bursted out laughing. Vegeta got madder and madder. His face was becoming horribly red. "Shut up or you'll become like that green guy over there!!" They continued. So He aimed a Ki blast at Chi Chi. "Hey!!" Goku said. "Dont kill my wife!!" Vegeta tryed to Ki blast her again, bvut Goku pushed her out of the way, and they started Ki Blasting eachother with Final Flashes and Kamehamneha waves. "Vegeta!" Bulma said. "What?!" He asked. "Try not to make a big mess, honey." She said. Vegeta shrugged and exploded the china dishes. Bulma slapped her sides. "I try." She said, and walked to the couch where Trunks was watching the Playboy Channel. "Wow, Mommy, what are those?!" She grabbed the remote and struggles to change the channel, but it was stuck. "VEGETA!!" She screeched. "Knock your son out!!" Vegeta flew over and knocked Trunks out with a swift punch and went back to Ki Blasts. "Hey Bulma?" Krillin said. "Can I use the bathroom? I have to take a major--" "Just go before you cuss." She said. "Down the hall and two the left." "I know where your bathroom is." Krillin said. "Vegeta!! Come knock Krillin out!!" Krillin hauled @$$ into the bathroom and slammed the door. The Ki Blasts continued trashing the house until one hit Chi Chi and she cryed, so Goku stopped. "Seeya Vegeta!! Seeya Bulma!! Seeya Picollo!!" Goku grabbed Goten's arm and they left. "How are we supposed to move this guy?" Bulma asked, pointing to Picollo lying next to the barf. Vegeta threw him in a trash bag and tossed him out the window. "Why did you do that?" Bulma said. "Martha Stuart says to throw away your useless trash." Vegeta replied. They both agreed Picollo fitted into that category.  
  
Later that night, after hours of cleaning, it was bedtime for Trunks and his parents. Trunks hopped into his racecar bed with his bedtime story, A book called Goosebumps:Night of the Haunted Mask. "Mommy, can you read it to me?" He asked. Bulma yawned. "But honey, I'm so tired and I'm not done cleaning." Trunk's eyes filled with tears. "But I wont get a story!!" Bulma thought. "I know!!" She said. "Vegeeeeetaaa!!" Vegeta flew into room. "What is it, Woman? I'm very tired." She pointed to Trunks. "He needs someone to read him a story." "Why dont you?" He asked. "Your his mother." He was about to fly away but Bulma grabbed him. "And YOUR his dad. Besides, its a BOOK. You like BOOKS, dont you?!" Vegeta eyed the book. "Alright." He said. "Fine. I'll be up as soon as I finish chapter one." Bulma nodded and went up to the room.  
  
2 Hours later, the Goosebumps novel was finished. Trunks was fast asleep. "That was great!!" Vegeta said. "Cool!!" He slammed the book shut and placed it on Trunks' nightstand. He walked into his bedroom. Bulma was asleep too. So Vegeta decided this was a great time to get caught up on his Martha Stuart book. So he strolled over to the dresser. "MY BOOK?!" He screamed so loud Bulma jumped three feet. "WHAT THE HOLY HANK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" She asked him. He pointed to the dresser. "My book!! My beloved book!! The love of my life!!" Bulma frowned. "What do you mean?" "ITS GONE!!" He said. Bulma saw that he was right. Where the book should have been was blank. It was gone. "Bulma, we have to find it!!" He said. "Its my only way to know how to take care of myself!!" Bulma stared at Vegeta with a frown. "PLEASE!!" He said. "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!" He got down on on knee. Never before had the prince of Sayains ever groveled to her. "Okay, fine." She said. "But go knock Trunks out so he doesnt wake up while we're gone."  
  
Bulma was on Vegeta's back as they flew all over West City. "Where do we start?" Bulma asked. "It could be anywhere!!" Vegeta thought." In the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Chapter book, a rat comes out of the sewer and steals stuff. Maybe thats the case!!" Bulma rolled her eyes. "Those books arent real, Vegeta. " She said. "They're fake." He came to a screeching stop and looked into her eyes. His face wore a look of hurt and sorrow. "Dont EVER say that again." He whispered. "O-Okay." Bulma stammered, and they flew on. "Maybe someone at the party took it!!" Bulma said. Vegeta nodded. " Great Idea! Let's check it out!!" "But who will we start with?" Bulma asked. "There were alot of people there." Vegeta screeched to a stop, almost bucking Bulma off. "Hey, watch it!!" She said. "I don't know where to start." Vegeta said. "We need to sit down on a rock and think about this." Vegeta landed on one of the very tip top branches of an oak tree. Bulma, very afraid of heights, was holding on so tight she was piching him. "Just hurry up so we can get out of this tree, Vegeta!" She screeched. "I know!!" Vegeta said. "That Picollo Character. He was always suspicous...." "Vegeta, he was in a drunken rage the whole time. And, he's in a trash bad in front of our house. How could he have done it?!" Vegeta had to admit she had a point there. "Then where do we go?" He asked. "No way I'm going to Kakrott's house. He stinks." Bulma was digging in one of her pockets. "What are you doing, Bulma?" Vegeta asked her. She pulled out a twenty dollar bill. "Vegeta, why dont we go buy another copy?" She asked. "It'd be much better than that old dog- eared copy from the library. Plus it would be all ours." "All MINE, you mean?!" "Well, actually, since I'm the one that earns the money to support our little family, and since I'm more mature, and I care about whats going on in the world, Its my money. But I'll give it to you to be nice." Vegeta grabbed it."Thanx." He said, and they blasted out of the tree. "There's the Krogar where I read my first book." Vegeta said. "Maybe THEY have it." Bulma nodded. "Fine, try it."  
  
"Hey, Veggie, Over here!!" BUlma said. She pointed to a rack of books in the Martha Stuart series. Vegeta glided over. "What is it?" He said, but when he saw Martha Stuart's face he understood. "Oh!! Thanks so much, Bulma!!" He began plucking the rack looking for the book He wanted. But it wasn't there!! He looked behind things, in between things, and up and down. But there was nothing. "Bulma...."He said quietly. "What's wrong now?" She asked. "Its...its....NOT HERE!!!" He screamed in anger. "Now, Veggie, don't get mad..." Bulma said. But Vegeta coulden't help it. He powered up with no control at all, sending things flying in every direction. there was a yellow aura surrounding him and he was screaming. Bulma coulden't go anywhere near Vegeta or she'd get burned, so she yelled. "CALM DOWN!!" She said. "We can go to another book store!!" But Veggie couldent hear. He was screaming too loud. So she grabbed a tabloid magazine that said, 'Martha Stuart Lawsuit is carried through' and tossed it at Vegeta's feet. He stopped screaming and examined it. "Lawsuit?" He said. "Y-You mean Martha Stuart's a crook?" Bulma nodded victoriously. "Yes, Vegeta. " Vegeta Ki Blasted the Tabloid into a pile of ash. "But what am I supposed to do? I need a book. I'll die without a book!!" "Remember those books I gave you?!" Bulma said. "Oh. Yeah. I guess we can go home now." But Vegeta's newfound happiness didn't change the fact that a couple customers and even a few shopkeepers were dead from the powerful experiance, lying in a pool of blood, or that Hercule Satan's dog was lapping up a bottle of liquid aspiren and was already getting a little tipsy.  
  
"Trunks!!" Bulma said, slapping her sons face. "Trunks, honey, wake up!!" Trunk's eyes fluttered open. He had a huge purple, blue and black welt on his head. "Why did you knock me out, daddy?" Trunks asked. "I didnt DO anything." Vegeta shrugged. "I was possessed." He said. "By what?" Trunks asked. Vegeta looked around for an excuse. "The Haunted Mask in the book." Trunks nodded. "Well, goodnight guys!" Trunks said and he turned off his lamp and he went to sleep. Veggie and Bulma went into their room and Veggie went to get a book. He picked up A Walk to Remember. Bulma got into the bed beside Vegeta and went to sleep, while he just read. The book was good from the start.  
  
4 hours ticked away. It was 4:00 AM in the morning. Vegeta had just finished the last page of A Walk To Remember.(In case you havent read it or seen the movie, a boy named Landon falls in love with a girl named Jamie, but she dies of Leukemia shortly after they get married at the age of 18) Bulma awoke to see tears in the corners of his eyes. "Honey, whats wrong?" She asked. She sat up in the bed and patted Vegeta on the back. "Bulmaaaa..." He said through sobs. "That was the saddest thing Iv'e ever seen or read or anything! And it made me relize how I appreciate you." Bulma thought this scence was awkward, and she knew what was coming. She figured if Vegeta said the coming up scentence, it would spoil his pride. Plus, she already knew what he was going to say because if he didnt he wouldent have married her. "And, Bulma, I just wanted you to know that I lo- -" BUlma slapped a hand over his mouth. "Loathe Goku?Oh, I know." (He wasn't going to say that. If you dont know what he was going to say, ask me in my reveiw. But its pretty obvious. Think. MARRIED COUPLE)Vegeta ripped her hand away. "Watch it. And thats not what I was about to say. I was about to say--Well,I forgot." Bulma sighed with releif. "Get some sleep, Vegeta." She said. "You can start your next book tomarrow." Bulma rolled over and covered herself up. Vegeta layed down and clicked off the lamp and tried to sleep. He only sobbed.  
  
End of chappie 1. How did you like it? If you have flames, I dont care, as long as its not nitpicky stuff like,'Ohh...that didnt ever happen, blah blah im a fag blah blah. Thats why its called fanFICTION.net.Anywayz, my email is DragonBlueWhite@aol.com. Drop me a note, but Id rather you reveiw. 


	2. Hurting Eyes, Dr FagFace's office andROU...

Chapter 2  
  
"Vegeta, it was only a novel." Bulma said, once again not being very supportive. Trunks was over at Gotens because Vegeta and Bulma needed some time alone to calm Veggie down. "Would it help if I let you Ki Blast it?" There was a wretching sound from outside. It sounded like somebody in a trash bag. Vegeta shook his head. "Whats the problem if I appreciate you more?" Bulma looked at Veggie wryly. "Because. The Vegeta I know is an @$$. He's rude and selfish and very mean. He doesnt appreciate me at all." "You just think he dont." Vegeta said. "Oh, and now your using CONTRACTIONS?" She said. "Vegeta Breifs, your 41 years old, you live in a big house with alot of money, you have black hair, black eyes, your favorite show is Will and Grace, you love to punch people, you like to torture fish, and your the one who poisened Yamcha's dog. Now are you convinced I know everything about you?" "Not EVERYTHING." Vegeta said evilly. "What is that supposed to mean?" Bulma said. "Do you have another woman?" Vegeta shook his head. "No. Worse." Bulma narrowed her eyes. "You steal money from Trunks' piggy bank?"  
  
"No. Lower." "Ummm....you killed Abraham Lincoln?" "No, and who the hell is he?" "You ummmmm....youve been drugging me?"  
  
"No, woman, gosh, get with the program." "Well, your just mean then if you wont tell me!! And your obsessed with books, you READING nerd. You BOOKWORM!!" Vegeta was outraged. "NOOO!!" He gasped. "Im no bookworm!! YOUR a nagger!! And you get all your precious money from your daddy because you can't invent anything!!"  
  
"Where do you think your gravity room came from? Oh, and your training suit. AND the Dragonball detector?!" "YOUR DADDYS BRAIN!!" "YOUR MOMMA!!"  
  
"MY MOMMA DIED WHEN I WAS 3!!" "How could I have thought you could have another woman?! What other woman would want to put up with YOU!!" "YOU, OBVIOUSLY!!" Bulma shoved Vegeta slightly. He shoved her back. She shoved harder, and he shoved her across the room. She slapped him and he raised a fist. "IF YOU HIT ME I'LL KILL YOU!!" She said. Vegeta laughed. "My secret is this..." He said. "I tortured YOUR fish." BUlma stared at Vegeta. Her face was turning red. Her fists were clenched. She took a deep breath, and....started to laugh. "YOU tortured my FISH?Thats the big secret?!" Vegeta nodded. "Great, huh?" "Yeah..."Bulma said. "Sorry about the comment that no other woman would want you." "Sorry I said you were a nagger and you couldent invent." They both shrugged,then walked away.Trunks flew in the door. "Mommy." He said. "She turned around."What is it Trunks?"  
  
"Its Monday. I'm supposed to be in school." Bulma's eyes got big. "VEGETA, FLY TRUNKS TO SCHOOL!!" "Okay." Vegeta said, getting ready to take off. "But wait, where's school?"  
  
"Its down the road a ways. You should see it."  
  
"But what is it? What does he do in this 'school'?" "He reads and writes and recites poetry.Now get going!!" "Reads?" Vegeta said. Bulma nodded. "HURRY!!" She said. "Could I go to school? And read?"  
  
"Yes, Vegeta, yes, but theres a special school for people our age. So fly Trunks to school and I'll tell you what it is. HURRY!!" So Vegeta flew Trunks to school and came back. "Now tell me about this grown-up school." Bulma pulled out a pamphlet. "This is a pamphlet from the college I went to, West City Tech." "College?! I said school, you baka!!" "College is school, you stupid fag!! Its a school for grownups, but you hafta take a test to get in." "Test?" Said Veggie, cocking his head.Bulma slapped her brow. "vegeta, its very hard to get into college. Since your a prince, your schooling isn't the greatest. I doubt you could even make a 50 on the test!!But of course there is an alternative. If you have a failing test, maybe if your admissions essay was really good they'd let you in to make up for it, if you had good vocab." "Bulma, could you help me get into this special school?" "Sure. All you hafta do is make your essay a video." "Okay." So they did. And this is how it goes.  
  
"Hello, this is Vegeta Briefs. I'm from West City, Japan, and I would love to be in college. And if you dont admit me, I'll blow all your Baka heads off!! I am the prince of all saiyans, and because of that, you have to let me in. All have you know my father was the king of an intire planet, Vegeta. I am a mighty Saiyan. Admit me, and I may spare your lives!!"  
  
Here are the judges comments: "Vegeta? What kinda name is that?"  
  
"Blow our heads off? Is that a threat?!" "Prince?" "Saiyan?" "Planet Vegeta?" "Spare our lives?"  
  
*THE NEXT MONDAY* "Bulma, do you think my college admissions results will come in today?" Vegeta asked hopefully. Trunks was asleep with his head in a bowl of sloppy, soggy cereal. "Maybe, Veggie." Bulma said. "Eat your carrots. With all that reading you've been doing, those outta help." Vegeta jammed a fork into a carrot and tossed it outside. There was a chomping noise as Picollo, in the trash bag, gobbled down the carrot. "I dont care about carrots." Vegeta said. "I want Big Macs." "You know how important it is to stay in shape." Bulma nagged. "Especially according to Martha Stuart." Vegeta gobbled down the carrots. Bulma frowned. She thought it bad that she, being his WIFE, couldent even get him to eat carrots unless she mentioned Martha Stuart. Vegeta glanced at Trunks. "Whats wrong with the brat? Isn't he going to school?"  
  
"Please dont call him that, and no, he's not going because he's so tired from training with you." Vegeta frowned. "Dam*. I enjoy reading the bulliten board when I take him in there." Trunks woke up. "Where am I? Huh??" "Knock him out so he won't be confused."  
  
*BAM* *CLUNK* "Thats getting kind of boring." Vegeta said. "It used to be fun but now it seems like it might be wrong." Vegeta picked up the book Cujo. He started at page 1. "You might be sitting there for a while." Bulma said, so she got him 2 pillows. One to sit on and one to lean against.  
  
2 hours later, Bulma had gotten the results of the college admition essay. They werent good. Not only had they not admitted him, which would make Vegeta mad, but they had also formed a lawsuit because Vegeta had threatened them. Vegeta was on page 102. "Ummm....Veggie, I needa talk to you in here!!" Bulma said from her room. Vegeta walked into the room. "What is it, Bulma? Cujo is going nuts!!"(If you dont know, Cujo is a book about a St. Bernard dog who goes rabid and kills 4 people)"Well, honey, it's about your test and essay results...." She opened the letter. "It says,'Dear Mr. Breifs, Im sorry but we could not accept your test or essay as compatible for college. 1st of all, you wrote several words that were obsene or cursing when you didnt know the answer, and on number 42, you drew a dead body. on number 11, you drew a nasty monster. You got a 20 on the test. The only ones you got right were ones concerning pain. And as for the admitions essay, well, you didnt make it because you made several threats, you mentioned a race of people and a planet that does not exist, and the essay was not related to our standards at all. So you didn't make it. And by the way, Mr. Breifs, our lawyer will be contacting you about the lawsuit we filed due to the threats." Bulma took a breath. "Vegeta, do you know how much money this lawsuit could cost us?"  
  
"No." Vegeta looked angry.  
  
"Well, it's alot. I may have to work overtime about 6 times. WAY overtime. LIke, 5 hours overtime a DAY!!" Vegeta didn't look suprised. "I wanted to be in college." He said. "They said I wasn't well read!!! As far as they no I could have read the entire constitution!!" "Vegeta, the constitution isn't that long." "I DONT CARE!! I WANNA BE IN COLLEGE!!" Vegeta powered up. "Veggie!! As good as you look blonde, this is no time to get angry. We just simply have to show the college how smart you really are?" "And how are we going to do that, woman?! I've got a bad temper and a drunk living in a trashsack on my frontlawn!! What does that say?" "Well, Veggie, you could try again and be nice." "NICE?!" "Uh huh." Vegeta didnt like that idea. "Fine, woman. We'll start tomarrow." Vegeta layed down on the bed and began to read. Bulma felt so sorry for Vegeta she almost cryed. Vegeta's eyes squinted. "Bulma, my head hurts." He said. "And my eyes feel funny." BUlma sat by Vegeta on the bed. "What do you mean 'funny'?" "Just funny. LIke../...fuzzy. The words look fuzzy." "Do I look fuzzy?!"  
  
"Only when you go far away. LIke over there." He pointed to a dresser with a clown on it. "That clown right there looks fuzzy." Bulma covered his right eye."Better?" "Worse." She covered his right. "How about now?"  
  
"About the same." "Maybe we should take you to see a doctor." Bulma said. "I doubt its anything serious, but we probley should." Vegeta hesitated. "Bulma, I don't like doctors." "And when have you ever been to one?" "I went with you when they took pictures of Trunks inside your tummy 'cause you made me. He looks real funny and rubs blue stuff on your stomach and then he puts something on there to take pictures, and it looks uncomfortable." "Vegeta, are you Pregnant?" "NO!!" "Then they wont do that to u." Bulma grabbed Veggie's hand and pulled him up. "Come on, let's go." She said, and pulled him along. "Now, Vegeta, you have to be good in the doctors office. He's a very nice man."  
  
"I bet." Vegeta replied.  
  
"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Briefs!" Said Dr.FagFace."I'm Dr.FagFace, and I'll be examining your eyes today." Vegeta grunted. "Be nice, Veggie." Bulma warned. "Hello Dr. Fag--*Giggle*Face." Bulma was also laughing quietly. "How's Trunks?" Dr. FagFace asked. Bulma shrugged. "You know how little boys go. Once in a while theres a scraped knee, but thats pretty much it." Vegeta grunted. "Are you going to look at my eyes, or flirt with my wife?" Doctor FagFace looked embarrased. "Yeah, thats right. WIFE. So stop dicking around and look into my eyes already!!" He shined a light directly into Vegeta's right eye."OW!!" Vegeta said, and launched a powerball that made Dr. Fagface fly into the wall. "Look who's talking OW!!" Mr FagFace said. "Mrs. Breifs, if your husband does one more thing like that, I'm afraid I'll have to ask him to leave-- but your welcome as long as you'd like." Vegeta growled. "If you talk to her one more time I'll blow your head off, Dr.FagFace!!" He looked startled. "Fine. Whatever." He shined the little light in Vegeta's ear. "Whats my ear go to do with my eyes?" He asked, annoyed. "You could have meningitus, a deasease of the brain, you dolt." "DOLT?!Why I outta...." "Behave yourself Vegeta." Bulma said sternly. Dr.Fagface looked at Bulma with a smile. Vegeta roared and screamed and growled at the same time. He powered up so an aura was around him. He punched Dr.FagFace into the wall, unhinging his jaw. "DONT LOOK AT HER EITHER!!" Bulma giggled as Vegeta powered down. Dr.FagFace got up, with a bruised face. "Mr Breifs, one more punch or assault or verbal attack and you'll have a lawsuit on your hands as well as a medical bill!!" Vegeta mocked him. "Just examine me so I'll get at least HALF of what I payed for.I payed for a doctor, they gave me a quack. I asked for somebody to make me well, but YOU MAKE ME SICK." "Lay down, Mr. Breifs." Dr. FagFace said. Vegeta looked at Bulma. She nodded, so he did. The doctor pressed on Vegeta's stomach all over. "What are you doing, Feeling me up?"  
  
"No, Mr. Breifs. I'm making sure your organs are alright." "My organs are fine." Dr.PagFace beat on Vegeta's knee with the hammer. "Hit Me!!" He said, and cracked Dr. FagFace's wrist. Dr. FagFace, startled, stumbled into Bulma. This enraged Vegeta even more. He lit a Golagon Fire on his hand and got it as strong as he possibly could. Then he launched it into Dr. FagFace. He was minus an arm. Then , Vegeta grabbed his wife's hand and they busted through the ceiling.  
  
They were flying through the air. "Vegeta!!" Bulma said. "He didn't mean to fall into me!! You cracked his wrist! Then, you blew his arm off!!" "You should have seen him looking at you. He was stripping you down mentally!!" Bulma sighed. "Don't be rediculous, Vegeta." Vegeta ignored that comment. "Well what do we do now?" "What do you mean?"  
  
"What do I do about my eyes so I can read again?!"  
  
"Oh. Theres a eye doctor just down the road. Oh, turn there!" Vegeta turned and landed in front of an eyedoctor's place. It was large and green and called 'Pearl Vision'. "What will they do here?" He asked. Bulma thought. "They will put a little blast of air into your eye. Like somebody was blowing in your eye. Then, they put lenses over and you tell them when you can see."  
  
"Okay." Vegeta said. So they walked in. "Hello, I'm Dr. Blind." Said an Asian girl. "Pretty Ironic name for an eyedoctorHE HE HE!!" She laughed like a donkey on drugs. "Just look at my eyes." Vegeta replied. "Iv'e had enough for today." Bulma motioned for Vegeta to sit down in a big chair, so he did. Dr.Blind lowered a machine over his eyes and blew air right into them. "GACK!!" Vegeta said. "That feels weird!!" He destryoed the machine. "I guess we're lucky we already did it HE HE HE!!" Dr. Blind said. Vegeta rolled his eyes. She flipped a lens over his eyes. "Can you see now HE HE HE?!" "No." She flipped another. "No." Another. "No." Then a third. "Wow!! My saiyan Eyesight is back!" Vegeta wanted to jump up and dance. "Okay, Mr. Breifs." Dr. Blind said. If your ready, go pick out frames." "Frames?" Vegeta asked. "As in Picture Frames?" "No, as in Glasses frames." "Glasses!!" Vegeta turned to Bulma. "I dont wanna wear glasses!! I'll look ugly!"  
  
"Just go." She said. "You will not look ugly. I'll come with!!"  
  
They walked into the frames room. Vegeta tried on goggles, round glasses, thick and thin glasses, blue green and pink glasses, and all kinds of glasses, but none were right for him. Then BUlma found some. "Oh Veggie look at these!!"  
  
She held up some HUGE square Glasses with thick black frames. Vegeta put them on, and it made him eyes look really big. "Oh!!" Bulma said. "I like those!!" They look so cute!" She ran up and hugged Vegeta. "Are you kiddin? I look GROSS!!" But Bulma liked them. She liked them so much she refused to let him choose anything else.  
  
"Hey, Vegeta!!" Bulma said, calling Vegeta from the kitchen. Trunks and him were eating lunch. Vegeta's new glasses made it hard for him to walk. He felt kinda like he was walking on air. He stumbled into the bedroom. "What issss it?" He asked, feeling dizzy. "I invited Goku, Chi Chi, Krillin, 18, Marron, Goten, Yamcha, Tein, Chioutzu, Dende, Gohan and Videl over for lunch today, to see your new glasses!!" Vegeta groaned. "Oh, Bulma, why did you do that? They will laugh at me!!" He sank down on to the bed with a sigh. "Veggie, nobody is going to laugh at you." Bulma said. "If they do, you can Ki Blast them all the way to Namek!! And now, you can see to do so!!"  
  
Vegeta shook his head. "But They'll tell everyone the Prince of Saiyans wears glasses because his WOMAN made him choose them!"  
  
Vegeta puched his pillow. It popped right up because it was Martha Stuart brand. "I wish you would call me by my name, and it doesnt matter what you think anyway. Had I not stepped in you'd still be suffering from bad vision. And like I said, you look cute." "But these will get in the way!" Vegeta said. "Of fights. I'll be afraid glass will break into my eyes!!"  
  
"The Vegeta I married isn't afraid of anything. Your acting like a sissy." Vegeta frowned. "Woman, I am no sissy." Bulma sinced that he was getting annoyed, because nowadays when he was annoyed were the only times he called her woman. "What about when we do OUR stuff?!" (You know what I mean) "They could get in the way." "They will not." Bulma said. They were about to see for themselves, but Trunks romped in. "Mommy, Daddy, I need help with my project thats due tomarrow." "Could you just......go away for a second?" Vegeta pleaded. "No, Vegeta, children come first." Vegeta sighed. "What do you want, Trunks?" "I need help." "Okay." Bulma said. "Vegeta, keep those glasses on." "Can't I just take em off for the lunch party?" "Nope." "Please?"  
  
"Nada." Vegeta groaned.  
  
End of chappie 2 didja like it??? 


	3. The Hawaii Island Resort and Rabid Saint...

Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: In case you haven't noticed, I can't draw good enough to own DragonBallZ. So I dont. Sheesh, why do we even have to put these things? They're a waste of time and letters. Well, I hope you like this.  
  
It was only 30 minutes till the lunch party!! Vegeta was trying desperatly to get rid of the dorky glasses before the guests arrived. He was always making fun of Goku(Kakarott, whatever) because he was dorky!! When Kakarott saw him, he'd never live it down!! Vegeta decided he would get the family cat to eat the glasses.(Dont ask, he doesnt have knowledge about animals.) "Here, Kitty Kitty." He said. The cat loved Vegeta, but he always hated how it rubbed on his leg and tried to make him his territory. If anything, Vegeta owned the CAT. But for some reason, Kitty woulden't go anywhere NEAR Vegeta. Bulma walked in and saw Vegeta crouched under the couch. She narrowed her eyes. "Are you Ki Blasting the cat again?" "No." "Then what are you doing?" "Im trying to get him out, but I think he's afraid of me and my new glasses. I dont look the same, as I tried to tell you."  
  
"Well," Said BUlma, "Go help your son on his project and I'll help you get out Kitty. Without killing him." Vegeta tried to find the trickery."No way!!" He said. "I can get out Kitty by myself!!" "Why dont you ever want to spend time with Trunks?!" "As if you didn't know!!" Vegeta growled. "He's always getting in our way, like just a minute ago. And children hate you for things that have to be done. You HAVE to wake them up early for school, but they still hate you for it." Bulma saw his point. "Just GO!!" She screamed. Her voice was so loud, Kitty hurled himself out from under the couch and dug his claws through Vegeta's spandex pants and into his legs and just hung there. Rivers of dark red blood flowed down Vegeta's leg. "Ouch, you son of a--" The cat jumped on Vegeta's face, causing his glasses to fall to the floor. It mauled and destroyed his face before returning under the couch. "My FACE!!" Vegeta yowled, grabbing at his cut face. "Lemme go get some peroxide!" Bulma screamed, and ran toward the bathroom. Vegeta ran into the entertainment center, causing the vase full of Bulma's Valentines day flowers to fall down.Down on his head. This knocked him out. Thats when Trunks walked in. He looked at his fallen father. "Serves you right." He said, and spit on Vegeta's shiny white shoe. Then he and Kitty strolled down the hall.  
  
"Oh!! I HURT!!" Vegeta yowled. Bulma was putting burny stuff on his cheeks where jagged scratches were all over the place. They were already becoming purple and puffy. "The dinner guests will be here in 15 minutes!!" Bulma said. "And the cat broke your glasses!!" She held up the remains. Vegeta just looked at them. "Wouldja lookit that...." He said. "What a shame." Bulma grunted. Then she dabbed the Burny stuff extra hard. It hurt so bad Vegeta powered up andd sent her flying into a towel rack. "Sorry." He said. She put band-aids on his face. "There." She said. "YOUR ALL DONE!!" She stood back to admire her work. "Bulma, Im not one of your art work thingys." He looked like a mummy. Bulma thought it was silly. So she laughed. She pictured somebody catching Vegeta's face on fire. Then she stopped laughing. The mental picture had been to horrible for me to say!! The melted Bandaids Mixing with liquified flesh and twisting crazily to the floor,STAINING THE CARPET!!! She blinked. Vegeta was waving a hand over her face. "Hello......Lost you there for a minute." "Well..............."Bulma said. "I'll just get out the carpet cleaner for later..." Vegeta didn't know what in the heck she was talking about.  
  
"Hello Kakarott, Kakarott's brat and Kakarott's woman." Vegeta said as they walked into the door. "Your little brat better stay out of my room, as well as you and your whore. Last time you were here my BOOK disappeared." "What would I want with a book? Maybe Gohan, Picollo or Videl did it?" Krillin waltzed in. He was trying to give Vegeta an object. "Hiya, Vegeta. Sorry that I borrowed your book. I thought maybe it would help me and 18 work out our issues and--OW!!"  
  
Vegeta slugged Krillin so hard a stream of bloody spit sprayed from his mouth for 4 feet and he was knocked into the wall. Then Vegeta delivered a series of Cont. Kicks to his shins and lower stomach. More bloody spit. "WHITE Carpets!!" Bulma said. "Vegeta, remember the carpets!" He stopped kicking Krillin, but he puched him to the floor. Krillin lay in a bruised heap. "Thats what you get for taking my book!!" Bulma put a hand on Vegeta's shoulder. "Vegeta, let's go into our room and talk aboutt this. Goku, Goku's family, let other people in. We'll be out shortly.Oh--and call 911 for Krillin." They nodded. Vegeta was so mad he was almost in tears as he held out the mangled book. "Im sorry!!" He said. "It's just that it was my book, and he took it and that made me mad!!" Vegeta plopped on the bed and Bulma did next to him. "You have to control your temper." Bulma said. "Your going to kill someone. And, if I like the person or not, I won't be happy." "..........*Grunt*........" "And one day your going to seriously hurt Krillin." "That was the idea!!" Vegeta said. "He took my book, so he has to face the consequenses!!"  
  
"You should have let it slide. It wasn't that big of a deal." "If you let one person walk all over you without punishment, its not long before the others will start to!!" Bulma wondered where her husband was getting all the quotes from. They were freaky. "Thats it." Bulma said. She grabbed 2 suitcases. Vegeta was horrified."Your Leaving me?! Going away?" Bulma shook her head. "Nope. Well, I am leaving, but your coming too!! But not Trunks. Just me and you!!" Vegeta cocked his head. "No inturruptions, no school projects, no whining?"  
  
"Nope, Nope, and nope. Just quiet time so you can cool it!!!" "Where will we go?" Vegeta asked. "To another planet or something?" Bulma thought. "Do you know of any planets that aren't inhabited by anyone? Deserted?" Vegeta shook his head. "Nope. Pretty much all planets have one creature or another." "Do you know of one that has small, soundless creatures who dont bite and dont fight?"  
  
There was a long pause. "Well......maybe. wait, no." "Vegeta, are you counting yourself?"  
  
He nodded. "Well stoppit!" "Oh, yeah!!" Vegeta said. There's this one planet that is next to where planet Vegeta was. It had green grass and everything, and people used to live there, but then they all left." "But where did they go?" She said. "Did a monster take over?" "I'm not sure." Vegeta said. "But remember, Iv'e got Ki Blasts." But then Bulma thought of something. "Vegeta, your glasses are broken. We can't go anywhere until we get them fixed." Vegeta was horrified. "I dont want them fixed!!" He said. "They're ugly and they ruined my life FOREVER!!" Bulma sighed. "Fine, fine. Just pack." Vegeta dumped a crateload of books into the suitcase so it couldent close. "Vegeta, you can't take all those books. Your clothes hafta fit." Vegeta frowned. "But Bulma, I don't want to be on a whole nother PLANET with only 4 or 5 books!!" Bulma thought. "Your not going to be reading anyway. This is a vacation for me and you. Not You and BOOKS!!!" Vegeta was mad. "I dont think I want to go anywhere with no books!" He crossed his arms. Bulma put some training clothes into his suitcase. He took them back out. She put in some socks. He took them out. "Stop!!" Bulma said. "No, YOU stop!" Vegeta countered. Vegeta wrestled her for the underwear she was about to put in. Bulma B*tch slapped Vegeta so hard his face went sharply to the side. A Big red handprint was there. "Why You....." Vegeta said. He growled so hard it sounded like a wolf. He rubbed his face. "I outta make you pay for that, you Whore!!" Bulma ignored that comment. "Your going to let me pack for you because I KNOW you wont do it yourself." She put in little bars of soap shaped like ducks. "What do we need THOSE for?!" Vegeta asked. "Because." Bulma said, "They're cute." "Can't we go someplace with at least ONE magazine?!" Bulma thought. Then she raised on finger in the air. "Iv'e got it!" She said. She pulled out a brochure. "Look!!" She said. Vegeta squinted to read it. "The Hawaii Island Spa--Private Hot Tubs, Private Swimming Pools, Private Bedrooms and private golf courses." He looked at Bulma. "I dont like golf and Does it have room service?" " You dont have to play golf, and Yes it does." Vegeta thought. "And this would be far enough away Kakarott and everybody else coulden't come?" "Yes." Bulma replied. "Okay." Vegeta said. "Fine." He let her put in his clothes. "Can I just take ONE Book?" He asked, holding up Cujo(The rabid Saint Bernard book) In which he hadn't finished. Bulma sighed. She liked it better when he wasn't so well- read. "How far have you gotten?" He opened it up with the Garfeild bookmark. "Page 184." He said. She shrugged. "Why not?"  
  
Vegeta smiled and clapped. "Yay!!" He wrapped the book in newspaper and placed it carefully underneath his training clothes in the suitcase. He didn't want it to get wet or anything. He burst out of the room. Goku was drinking a beer, and Picollo had 7 cans around him. "Hiya!!" Goku said. "Where are you and Bulma going? China?!" Vegeta shook his head. "No, Kakarott. We're going to a Hawaii resort and YOU are going to watch our little brat!" Goku nodded. "Going to take care of some 'Buisness'?" He asked, raising his eyebrow. Vegeta didn't answer. "We need a vacation from you, our son and that drunk on our front lawn who lives in a trash bag!!" Picollo barfed. "Oh, about my trashbag..." Picollo groaned, "You might want to get that changed. It's half full." Vegeta was so desgusted he grabbed Picollo by the back of the neck, and burst through the ceiling. "Wonder where he went." Said Chi Chi. Then he came back, without Picollo. "What did you DO to Picollo?!" Bulma asked. "You could be charged with MURDER, Vegeta!!"  
  
"I dropped him in a De-Tox place." Vegeta said. "Right through the chimeny!!" Everyone laughed. "What a scary Santa Clause." Goten commented. He had been obsessed with writing a Christmas List. Trunks was helping. "Trunks, your going to stay with Goku, Chi Chi and Goten and Gohan for a while, Okay?" Trunks dropped the pencil he was writing with. "How long?" He asked. She looked at Vegeta. "A MONTH." He snapped. Trunks' eyes filled with tears. "Dont cry, honey, we'll be back, dont be sad..." "Im not sad." "Then why are you crying?" "These are tears of joy." Bulma, very disturbed, picked up her suitcase. "Bye, everybody!!" She said, then she hopped on her Vegeta Horsie's back and they flew out the window. Vegeta was reading while he flew. "Your going to run into a tree." She said. "I won't." Vegeta said. "And if I do, I won't cry." Bulma wondered where that comment came from. "Do you even know which way we're going?!" She asked. Vegeta was getting annoyed. "Yes, I do. I'm not flying blindly." You may not be blind but your close to it with that book in front of your face. Bulma thought. Then she thought of his glasses. "Vegeta, your glasses!! You can't see well without them!!" She pulled out the remains with no glass in them. He stared at them. "I'll NEVER wear those." He said. "Not if you TIE me down. NEVER." A sign they passed over said 'Welcome to the Atlantic Ocean'. Then they were flying over the ocean. "Suppose you were to have a heart attack." Bulma said. No answer. "Or suppose a whale jumps up and eats you." "Whales don't eat people." "Well, anyway, what if something happens to you and I fall into the ocean. The only thing I would have to stand on is your rotting carcass." "That would be something." Vegeta imagined Paranahs coming up and eating his remains while his wife stood on them. It was pretty funny. "I do feel a little weird..." He said. "Sometimes ripping pains go through my chest and then I feel like I'm about to............." He dove sharply and went underwater a ways. Bulma was screaming and thrashing. When he came back up they were wet. "A shark could have grabbed us!!" She said. "That was stupid!!"  
  
"Sometimes my kidneys feel like they're about to explode. Then my feet look like they're starting to rot, and my ears ooze greenish bloody pus. " Bulma covered her ears a SCREMED. "Shut up, shut up, oh god shut up." He continued saying more nasty stuff till they flew over the island. "Land!!" She screamed. "For Kai's sake LAND!!!!!" "Maybe I just decided I like flying." He said. "And I dont want to land." He hovered over the resort. "You know, we could lower ourselves down and not have to pay."  
  
"What are you saying? We could steal it?" He nodded. "No money, no room service." Vegeta shrugged. "Then I guess we'll hafta pay. You got the money?" Bulma nodded and took out a roll of bills. Vegeta lowered both of them down to the front door and they went in. "Geez." He said. "This is really cool." It was really big inside, with famous paintings on the walls, celebrities walking in and out, and pink wallpaper. Ferns grew everywhere. "Welcome to the Hawaii Island resort!" Said a bubbly lady who Vegeta thought was hot. She walked up to them and shook their hands. "Hi, I'm Patty! Can you give me what you would like your room to be like and what services you want?!"  
  
She took out a notepad. "Well....."Bulma said, "We want a room for two. King Sized bed, and pink wallpaper. Pink curtains, a walk-in closet, one of those pretty ferns. " "AND." Vegeta added," A big Fluffy comforter, lots of fluffy pillows, full room service, Gecuzzi tub(Bubbly water tub about the size of a hot tub) Hot tub access, swimming pool, free horseback nature walks, and anything else we might think of. I want this vacation to be the best ever and if its anything but, I'll read to you from a boring book!!" "Vegeta!!" Bulma hissed. "We dont need 2 lawsuits!!" "Right this way!!" Patty said. Vegeta was already getting out his book, 'Cujo'. He intended to get it finished pretty soon so him and Bulma could spend time together without him wanting to finish a book. The lady put a small pink key into a keyhole and turned the lock. It was beautiful and luxirious. There was a pink, fluffy canopy bed and a oak bedside table. A pair of blue and a pair of pink fluffy houseshoes were buy the bed, and a pink and blue housecoat. The bedroom had pink tile in the shower, walls and floor, with a baby blue sink and green soaps shaped like animals(My grandma had some in her bathroom) that Bulma thought were so cute. There was a picture window and outside were luxurious green trees that shaded a Bubbli- water tub and a Hot tub. Beyond that was a swimming pool, huge with a coypond too!! There were welcome chocolates on each pillow(The pillows and comferters were very fluffy) and a little red button on the nightstand. "If you want room service, tell me!!" The lady gushed. (Isnt this the room you've always dreamed of?!") "Its great!!" Bulma said. She gave Vegeta a big hug. "We're gonna have a great time!!" Bulma flew open the closet. New clothes were all over the place.  
  
"You dont have to pay until the end of your stay." Patty said. "Tell me, how long do you suppose you'll be staying with us?"  
  
"Around a month, maybe more." Vegeta said, his arm around Bulma. "You see, we have a little problem." "And whats that?"  
  
"A child. Leave now." Patty shrugged and walked out. She tripped on the way. "Oh,wait!!" She said. "I'll bring by a price estimate later!!" Vegeta Ki Blasted at her and she ran Away. Vegeta put on his blue housecoat and houseshoes and fell onto the bed. He grabbed his book, Cujo, with a slobbering Saint Bernard on the front. "Vegeta!" Bulma said. "Please stop reading!! Let's go out to the pool, or horesback riding, or something. PLEASE?!"  
  
"We can do all that romantic stuff later!!" Vegeta snapped. "Lemme finish my book!" Bulma sighed.  
  
Vegeta had finished his book and they were 'messing around' out in the Gecuzzi tub. They were splashing stuff when Vegeta's Saiyan hearing kicked in. Something was snapping twigs and heading toward them. I guess I should start this part off by saying that the book Cujo scared him. The Saint Bernard had killed 4 people before a middle-aged woman stopped its mad rampage. So Vegeta had been very disturbed. "Its just a fish in the coypond." Bulma said. "Don't get worried. " "Since when do FISH walk on land?!" Vegeta asked. "I think we should get out and go inside." His wife shook her head. "No, Vegeta. It's our vacation. Relax!!" He growled. "Bulma,I think we should--" And thats when he saw it. A Saint Bernard dog, romping right toward them. "Oh, Puppy!!" Bulma said. "C'mere, Puppy Puppy Puppy!!" She clapped her hands and spoke in a high voice. vegeta clapped a hand over her mouth as the dog, slobbering but happy, tromped over. *Pant Pant Pant* Bulma slapped Vegeta's hand away. "Look how cute it is!" She said, petting it's thick fur. "Whats wrong?!" Vegeta raised his hand to Ki Blast it. It wagged its tail and panted. "NO, VEGETA!!" Bulma cried, and put his arm in a different direction. The powerful blast hit a tree. "Whats WRONG with you?!" She asked. "It's only a dog!! Remember?! DOG?"  
  
He stared at it. "This dog is a Saint Bernard. That means it's RABID." Bulma didnt know what he was talking about until she remember the book. "Are you talking about that BOOK, Vegeta?" She asked. "That book is fake!! Not real! Fantasy!" Vegeta didnt care. "Its a CRAZY dog!!" He said. "I never did like dogs!!"  
  
"But honey, we can take it home for Trunks!! He would play with it!!" "No evil, Satanic dog is living with me!!" He said. He tossed a leaf at the dog, which snapped at it. Bulma waded over to the steps to climb up. "BULMA!!" Vegeta yelled. "NOOO!!" He flew over and grabbed her. "You can't get out! The dog will kill you!!" "The dog Cujo was rabid!" Bulma said. "A sick bat bit him on the nose and he got RABIES!! He went crazy! You can tell that this dog isn't sick at all!!" It panted and barked. "You never know." Vegeta said. "I'll have to fly us into the room. And hope he doesnt bite me, because then I'll get the disease!!" Bulma rolled her eyes. "This is rediculous!! Your a grown man! Remember your 'Saiyan Pride' stuff? Well this is a poor excuse!!" Vegeta flew toward the door, water dripping off the both of them, and the pup playfully snapping at Vegeta's heels. He applyed a swift kick to it's head, just hard enough to knock it a little off course. "Vegeta don't you DARE Kick that puppy again!!" Bulma said. "It's just an innocent little puppy, and your so worried you carry ME inside? Why don't you be crazy by yourself!!"  
  
"Because it might jump in the hot tub and attack the moment I leave. Then where will your protection be? Certainly not in that skimpy Bikini!!"  
  
"I thought you liked it." Bulma said. "I do like it. " Vegeta said. "But thats beside the point. The point is it's a crazy animal and it's revenous for your flesh, stripped directly off of your bones!" Bulma was desgusted as he dropped her on the bed. "Are you mad?" He asked, seeing her face. "No, but I think your childish!" They were bickering when the dog ran up and scratched at the wooden door, barking. "Let's let him in!!" Bulma said. "He's probley hungry and tired!!" Vegeta shook his head. "No, Bulma. We can't go outside until he leaves. Understand? Is a dog more important to you than your husband?!"  
  
"No, but in some accounts, a dog is smarter and more mature." Vegeta growled. "Go take a bath or something while I try to drive it away." Bulma got up. "As long as you PROMISE you won't hurt it." Vegeta nodded. " Just go!!" He said. Vegeta opened the door SLOWLY. He looked around. It was nowhere to be found. He growled. "It will just come back." He said to himself. So he buzzed room service. "I need a large pet crate and a slab of raw meat." He said.  
  
Vegeta set up the pet carrier and meat so when the dog tried to get in, the lid would slap closed and capture it. He was feeling really smart, laying on his bed, listening to the birds chirp, when he heard it. A barking dog, and the sound of struggle. He was so exited. "I caught it!!" he yelled to Bulma, and ran outside. The Saint Bernard was barking and biting at the cage bars, trying to get out. Vegeta laughed and walked over. "Not so mean now, are you!!" He was laughing when the dog threw itself against the bars and got out. It ran over to Vegeta and nipped him playfully. "AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!""""""He screamed. "RABIES!! I HAVE RABIES!!" He wailed and yelled and rolled on the ground. Bulma walked out. "What is wrong with you Vegeta?!" She asked. "It bit me!!" He said. "So now I have Rabies!" Bulma was about to pet it, when Vegeta Ki Blasted it into the cage and slammed the lock. Then he chained it to the back of the carrier so it couldent get far if it did get out. "It will STARVE in here!!" He said. "Watching water, but not being able to have any!!" He pushed it close to the pool. Bulma sighed. "Vegeta, he ripped your pants a little.Lemme sew them up." He followed her inside. 


	4. Family Bonding with a Dinosaur

Chapter 4  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own DragonBall Z. Aw well. You can't have everything. =)  
  
It had been 5 hours since the frightning encounter with the dog. But it was still outside of the spa room, chained to the cage bars and whining. Panting its sour breath, wagging it's evil tail, and thinking of what it was going to do to Bulma. Or thats what Vegeta said. Bulma laughed, as she was sewing up his pants so he was standing there in the fluffy blue robe(I cant imagine Vegeta in a fluffy blue robe. Can you) and griping to Bulma about how she needed to take things seriously. "I'm taking things more seriously than you!!" Bulma argued with a smile. "It's just a dog. I understand you're trying to protect me, but....." She trailed off. Vegeta decided to talk about a flashback(Ever notice how often Vegeta does this?)."Once, back when I was about 13, the prince of my planet Vegeta, The peasants had dogs." He said. Bulma rolled her eyes. "Me and my father weren't very nice to some of them. So,they trained the animals to bark when anybody came around the house. One time, a dog barked at me and my dad. My dad exploded it's guts against a wall. I asked him why he did it and he said....." Vegeta took a breath..." Have you ever read Cujo?" Bulma bursted out laughing. She was rolling all over the floor and holding her sides. "Your DAD said that? He's worse than you!!" Vegeta frowned. "When dogs eat frogs, they spit alot." Vegeta said. Bulma nodded. "And--?" "So if one is spitting, it either ate a frog, or it's got Rabies. If it has rabies, thats terrible because it causes them to go crazy. They attack people. But if they ate a frog, thats even worse." "Why is that?" Bulma asked, awaiting his answer because she thought this conversation was really funny. "Because I really LIKE frogs!!' Bulma should have laughed at that. But she didn't. Her husband liking frogs was for some reason not funny. "Is there something you would like to tell me?" Bulma asked. "Yeah, sure. Stay away from dogs."  
  
"No....anything else? Like a secret lifestyle?!" He shook his head.  
  
It was nighttime. Vegeta was asleep, snoring really loud. Bulma was awake. Something was bothering her. She was afraid the pup outside would starve. "If I let it die, will King Yemma think I MURDERED him?!" She asked herself. Then she looked at Vegeta. "He's killed like....a lot of people, and he was forgiven. But.....The dog's hungry." She was about to roll out from under Vegeta's arm, but then she thought. "Vegeta told me NOT to." She said. But she got up anyway. She went to the small refrigerator and looked around. Vegeta rolled. "I have to hurry before he knows Im not there!!" Bulmna squeaked. She took out a can of Tuna and splattered it on a plate. She put some crackers by it and began tiptoeing outside, when she stubbed her toe on a boot. Vegeta's boot. "Ow, Vegeta, You son of a B*tch!!" She screamed. Vegeta's eyes popped open. Bulma raced outside. She ran as fast as she could to the cage. But Vegeta was coming!! She could hear his boots on the floor, coming!! She looked around, knowing she couldent make it to the cage. "I've gotten find a way to get rid of this!!" She said, looking at the plate. "What to do...What to do...." Vegeta slid open the door and-- "Bulma, what are you doing out here so late?" He looked at her, in the pool, in her pajama's, with a plate of Tuna and crackers on her head. "Why is there Tuna on your head?!" "It helps your....um.....skin!!"  
  
"Oh."Vegeta said. He looked around. "Can I have some tuna? My skin hasn't looked so good." "Go back to bed!!" Bulma said. Vegeta went back to bed. So she gave her tuna to puppy, and he was happy.  
  
"Hello, Mommy?" Trunks asked on the phone. "Yes, it's me!!" She said. "How are you doing?" There was a pause. "I'm doing great, mommy. But you CAN'T be coming back yet!! You've only been gone 3 days!!" Bulma laughed. "Calm down, I'm not coming back." "Are you and daddy having fun?!" "Yeah." Bulma said. "A great time. But Trunks--" She checked to make sure Vegeta wasn't in the room. He wasn't, he was taking a shower. "What is it, Mommy?" Trunks asked. "Well, how would you like it if I brought you a present?" Trunks clapped on the other line. "Great!! What is it? What is it?" "If I tell you, when you talk to your daddy in a minute you can't say anything about it, okay?" "Yeah, okay!!" Trunks replied. "Well,Im brining you a dog!" Trunks was happy!! "But wait." He said."Daddy doesn't like dogs. Matter fact, he barely likes anything that breaths." Bulma let that ugly comment slide. "Thats why your not going to tell Daddy until I talk to him, okay?" "Okay." Vegeta stepped into the room. "Here's daddy." She gave the phone to Vegeta. "Hi Daddy!!" Trunks said. "Oh, joy." Vegeta mumbled. "Hi, Trunks." He said. "There was a long pause. "I guess I'll be seeing you." Trunks said. "Not if I see you first." Vegeta replied. "Okay." Trunks said, and they hung up. "Can you at least PRETEND you like Trunks?" Bulma whined. "He's your son! And, for that matter, it's your fault he was even BORN!!" Vegeta scoffed. "No way! You totally came on to me!!" "Nuh uh!" Bulma said. "Let's not get into the descussion of who seduced who!" Vegeta growled. "I have things to do!!" And he stepped out on the porch and watched the dog in the cage. "I'll bet your hungry!!" Vegeta yelled at it. "See? If dogs remain alive, it shows them how CREUL people can be!!" And he threw a rock at it. "But wait..." He said. "Why isn't it howling? It would be if it was hungry." He thought. "Somebody probley fed it. And the only people who can get out here are me and--" Vegeta's eyes widened. "BULMA!!" He yelled. She came out. "What do you WANT?" He pointed to the dog. "DID YOU FEED THIS HORRIBLE BEAST?!" He screamed at her. She hated people screaming in her face. "Umm..."She said, in as small a voice as she could manage."Maybe just a tiny bit." Vegeta growled. He made such a horrible face, it was unimagianable. "I....told....you...NOT TO!!" He screeched. He screamed like a girl. Or like an indian. "But I did anyway." She said. Vegeta ran into a tree and knocked himself out.  
  
Vegeta woke up several hours later. Bulma was no where in sight, but it was dark outside. "Bulma? BULMA!!" He screamed. All the sudden she sat up beside him in the bed. "What is it? Does your head hurt?" Vegeta noticed that it did. "No, I just wanted to see where you were.What happened? All I remember is being mad at you!!" He looked down. His shirt was covered in blood. "Why didn't you change my bloody shirt before you put me in bed!?" He griped, and ripped it off. Bulma shrugged and layed back down. "I guess It's rather hard for a woman like me to change a big strong guy while he's unconsious." Bulma said, sarcasticlly. Vegeta got up. "I'm hungry. I'm going to eat something." He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. "WHAT'S THIS?!" He yelled. There was no food left. Bulma rushed in. "What's wrong?!" "There was meatloaf in here!" Vegeta said. "I ordered it from room service!!" Bulma stood there. "Did you eat it?" He asked her. She nodded. "You don't like meatloaf!!" Vegeta said. "Who are you trying to protect?" He noticed the sleeping dog outside. "Bulma, I can't beleive you!!" He said. "That's twice you've deceived me!!" "Vegeta, it's cruel and inhumane to let the dog die. It needs a home and Trunks would like it." Vegeta shook his head. "No. It's evil. It's the man's job to protect the family, and thats what I'm doing!!" "I'm tired of your stupid meaningless fears!!" Bulma nagged. She went outside and grabbed the dog by the collar. She dragged it inside, it's muddy paws leaving marks on the floor. She threw it in the living room, shut herself outside, and locked the door. Now Vegeta was locked in with the animal. Then she sat in front of the door so if he tried to ki blast the door open, it would hit and kill her. Vegeta beat on the door. "Let me out!!" He said. "Let me out Let me Out!!" The dog bounded up to him. He flew up. "Bulma, I'm tired!!" She ignored him. "Bulma, darling, dearest, honey, LET ME OUT OR I'LL HURT THIS DOG!!!!!!" The pounded on the door so it made a hollow sound.  
  
2 hours later, Bulma decided Vegeta had been in there long enough. It was around Midnight, and she imagined he was tired. So she looked inside. What she saw was scary. Her Husband's energy had obviously run out from staying hovered in the air for 2 straight hours, so he was lowering dangerously close to the floor. And what was worse-- The dog. It was growling, drool dripping from it's lips. It licked it's chops and Spit flew everywhere. Vegeta was breathing hard and doing everything he could to stay up in the air. Bulma noticed something. The dog's eyes were beady and mean. Vegeta had been right all along--the dog WAS rabid!! She was debating on what to do when Vegeta's boots hit the ground. He wavered back and forth, and the puppy LUNGED at him! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bulma shouted, and she jumped in, pushing her and Vegeta on the bed. The dog hit the floor and growled. "Huh?" Vegeta said. "BULMA!! What are you doing here?!"  
  
"It IS rabid!!" She said. "Vegeta, we've got to get out of here. One bite, just one and we're dead!!" But Vegeta was mad. "You locked me in here all by myself!! You couldev'e killed me!!" Bulma shrugged. "We'll talk about that later. The important thing is getting out of here!!" "Maybe I could just..." Vegeta said, and lit a powerball up, but a very small one because he was tired. "NO!!!" Bulma said, grabbing his arm. "You WON'T shoot it. Let's wait a little bit." "For god sakes, it's trying to KILL us." Vegeta said. Bulma shook her head. "Cujo is just an exaggeration. Dog's don't think that way. Rabid dogs just scare easier, and when dogs are scared they growl and bite and attack. As you can see, it's not WAITING for us to come down. It's just laying there watching us because we might be a threat." "You sound like Jeff Corwin." Vegeta growled. "Now let me kill it, because I want out!!" "No." Bulma said. "Let's sleep on it." "If YOU can sleep on a bed guarded by a horrible rabid monster dripping slimy drool, be my guest." Vegeta said. Then Vegeta got an evil look. "Let's call ROOM SERVICE. See how they deal with it." He laughed. Bulma shrugged. "Okay." And she pushed the button. Patty walked in. "Hello, what do you neAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" The doggy jumped on Patty and proceeded to try and rip her throat out. Vegeta Ki Blasted the dog off her, and she lay there bleeding. Then she scuttled out. "Why did you do that?" Vegeta said.  
  
"I saw the way you look at Patty!!" Bulma said. "You thought she was a peice of @$$. And I won't stand for that." "So you want her to have her throat ripped out by a raging beast, is that it?" The dog was rummaging thru Vegeta's suitcase. It took out his training boots and started to chew on them. "Those are mine!!" Vegeta said. "How would you like it if I chewed on your squeaky hamburger!!" The dog took out something else. It was a pair of pink underwear. They were Bulmas. "Why are THOSE in my suitcase?" Vegeta said. "Imagine what the guys at baggage inspection thought!!" Bulma laughed. She pulled out a deck of cards from under her pillow. "Want to play?" She asked. Vegeta nodded.  
  
"Go Fish." Vegeta said. "No, YOU!" Bulma said. "This is boring. We need something else to do!!" Vegeta's face brightened. "Let's chunk cards at the dog and see who's hits him right between his ugly red eyes!!" So they did. It barely moved. Then, it rolled over and died. "It's dead!!" Bulma said. Vegeta nodded. "What do you know." Then they stepped off the bed and started dancing around in circles and huggning eachother. Then, they flew out the door and started screaming. "We can FINALLY go to sleep!!" Vegeta said, and he went inside, layed down on the bed and went to sleep. BUlma flopped down on the bed. "We almost died." She said to herself, but Vegeta answered. "Yes, because you woulden't listen to me. From now on, take my advice into consideration because beleive it or not, I know what's best for you." Bulma nodded, but she hadn't really heard what he said. "Im so sorry I locked you in here with that rabid animal. It's just that I didn't know how you could tell it was rabid, and everything....." She trailed off. "It's something about dogs." Vegeta said. "They just don't seem very nice to me. And then the other day, when you told TRUNKS you were bringing him a dog!!" "You HEARD? I mean, I didn't say that." Bulma replied. Vegeta nodded. "Yes you did. But you said,' oh no, don't tell Vegeta, he only lives here!! He won't care if an evil satanic monster lives in his backyard'." Bulma knew this was an exageration, but she kept her mouth shut. "Well your mean to Trunks!!" Bulma said. "And you won't even tell me WHY!!!" Vegeta didn't want to get into that conversation. "About our card game...." He said. "I had a royal flush right in my hand. I think you quit so you woulden't lose." "Nuh uh!! I had a royal flush too!!" "Impossible." Vegeta scoffed. "There's only a certain amount of Jacks, and I had two." bulma shut up. Then there was a long pause. Vegeta started snoring. "Shut up!!" Bulma said, slapping Vegeta right in the face.  
  
Vegeta and Bulma were walking along a city street in hawaii when they saw it. "LOST DOG. NAME:BORIS 6 MONTHS OLD" there was a picture of a drooling Saint Bernard dog on the front. It was playing with a little boy. 'Family misses Boris very much. Reward'. Bulma gasped. "Vegeta!! Look!!" She pointed. Vegeta laughed. "Pity. I guess they should watch their dogs more, huh?" Bulma scoffed. "But a little boy misses Boris very much!! And Boris died of rabies!!" Vegeta shrugged. "He's not our dog, so we shoulden't worry about it. Now COME ON." Bulma coulden't help feeling sorry for the little boy and his family. "How would you like it if somebody killed YOUR dog, or it died?" "I would like that very much." Vegeta said. "Like I told you--dogs are problem animals. They're always getting hit by cars and killed, or getting rabies or attacking old women!! Once I saw this documentary about an old lady. She was in her home, and when she opened her door to let her cat in, two Pit Bulls ran in and started tearing her up!! Paramedics came in and shot them, but she was an invalid for the rest of her life!!" Vegeta was breathing hard. "And then, in this one book called Pet Sematary, a dog comes back from the dead named Spot." "Those aren't real dogs." Bulma said. "Except for the Pit Bulls, and they're dead. Get over it." Vegeta frowned. "Remember the dog, Boris? You said I was being stupid. But NO!! He almost killed us." Bulma hads to admit he had a point. "And if you had let me KI Blast it, then it would have died quicker and we could have gotten away."Shut up!" Bulma said, and slapped Vegeta right in the face. Suddenly, Vegeta felt a Ki. "Oh no!!" He gasped. "What's wrong?" Bulma asked. "Is it a new enemy?" "No." Vegeta said. "It's worse. It's Kakarott's Ki!! And he's close by!!" Bulma gasped. "What do we do? What if he's brought his awful family to ruin our vacation!!"  
  
"No, It's only him, possibly Chi Chi. I can only sense him, and if it was everyone I would sense Gohan, Goten and our brat too." Bulma nodded. "What do you think they want? Let's hide." Vegeta shook his head. "No. There's no use. He can sense my Ki, so hiding is useless. But let's at least go back to the resort so I can beat the crap out of him alone." Bulma laughed and nodded, And they flew back.  
  
It wasn't five minutes later that Goku arrived. He looked terrible. He was dirty, and his hair was roughed up. One of his shoes were gone. "It's horrible, vegeta!!" He shouted. "What is it, Kakarott?" Vegeta asked.  
  
"It's your boy!! Trunks!! It's terrible!! He bothered and annoys me, hits and slaps me, and he tortures our fish!!" "Thats my boy!!" Vegeta said. Goku frowned. "He's selfish and rude, he calls Chi Chi ugly and he breaks Goten's toys!! You have to come back before he wrecks our house!!" Goku sat down on the bed. "I can't take it anymore!!" He wailed. But Vegeat and Bulma refused to come home. "No." Vegeta said. "Just because you think you can dump my own kid off on me doesn't mean you'll succeed. Me and Bulma are going to finish our vacation, if it kills you or not!!!"  
  
"I might just have to burn him alive!!" Goku snapped, spittle flying everywhere. "Burn him alive and I'll bake your goldfish!!" "Trunks already did!" Goku screeched so loud the building shook. "Well at least my kid's tough! Your boys are wusses!!" Goku looked offended.  
  
"You little preppy Prick!! I'll show you!!" Goku screeched, and slugged Vegeta across the face. Vegeta layed down, dazed. "Kakarott..." He whined. Goku opened Vegeta's Diary and began reading out loud. "This is what Vegeta's been writing in his diary!!" He called out to Bulma. 'Dear Diary, I love your pink and purple colors, decorated with delecate blue flowers and a touch of evening mist. Your as beautiful as a bouquet of flowers in the morning. Your magnificent self takes my mind off the ugly paperboy. Your a wonderful book. I like you. I read lotsm of other books. Just today I read one called Cujo. It scared me greatly. Now I think dogs are evil and nasty. I surely hope nobody ever confronts me with one. It might just have to--' Vegeta Ki Blasted it out of his hand. "He's making it up!" He claimed, diving down from the air to get the book. Bulma grabbed it and he skidded across the floor to a stop. "No, this is getting interesting." She said, tossing it to Goku. "Read on!!" "How could you!!" Vegeta said. "My own Wife!!" And he hit Goku with his strongest Ki Blast. The diary was incenerated. "Ow!!" Goku yelped. His hair was on fire and his lip was bloody and he could barely fly. "Well, I know your weakness!!" He said to Vegeta, and flew out the window. "Thats the end of that." Vegeta said. But then Goku came back in a little later with his dog. Vegeta was horrified!! It was a Pit Bull, and that made it worse!! Goku sat the dog down. Vegeta climbed up the drapes, whining like a baby. "Get it away, Bulma!!" He yelled. "Kick it!! Kick it!!" She just looked at it. "Hello, puppy." She said. It wagged it's tail. Goku pointed at Vegeta. "Attack, Bones!!" The dog didn't do anything, but Vegeta started to cry. "Go away!!" Bulma said, and she threw Bones at Goku. "Fine." He said, and they flew out the window. Vegeta was so scared he fell down and bashed his head on a brick that was in the middle of the floor.  
  
Vegeta woke up later on the couch in his living room. "Where am I?" He asked. He wondered why they weren't at the resort anymore. "Vegeta!!" Bulma said. "Your awake!! Do you remember me?" He nodded. "Your Bulma. Why would I forget you? What happened and why am I home?" "You bashed your head on a brick." Bulma said. "Sometime yesterday afternoon. You got knocked out, then they evicted us out of our room for attempting to kill Patty. She was furious about it. The doctor said you might not remember me or anything else, but I was so releived when you did." Vegeta tried to process what she just said, when something walked in. "Hi Trunks!" Bulma said. "Say Hi to your daddy!" But Vegeta was horrified. "Get it away !" He yelled and shot a KI Blast at Trunks. Trunks hovered out of the way. "Mommy!!" He whined. "Daddy tried to kill me again!!" Bulma told Vegeta to behave. "Whats wrong with you?!" She asked after he shot at Trunks at least a dozen times. "Stay away from it, Bulma!!" He said. "It'll eat you!!" "What will eat me?" She asked. "Our son?"  
  
"He's not our son!! He's a raging animal! Where's Goten? WHERE's GOTEN!!" "Why do you want Goten?" Bulma asked. " Because Goten is our REAL son!! Not this DINOSAUR!!" "Dinosaur?" Bulma said. "You think Trunks is a--" Vegeta jumped into the air and shot Ki Blasts at Trunks. He dodged them all. "This is the fastest Dinosaur I've ever seen!!" Vegeta yelled. "But I don't think that He'll be able to avoid THIS one!!" He began powering a HUGE Galick Gun on his open palm. Bulma saw it. "No, Vegeta!!" She said, and she dove onto the couch and grabbed his arm. She held his arms back so he coulden't make another one. "Vegeta, listen to me." She said. "That 'Dinosaur' over there is Trunks. Trunks is our son. He's half Saiyan, half human. Goten is half Saiyan also. Goten is Kakarott's son, or Goku's. Trunks is not a dinosaur. Do you get the picture?" Vegeta shook his head. "Get off me so I can rid us of this menace!!" "No,no." Bulma said. "I will not get off of you until you give me your word that you will not harm our son again." Vegeta stared up at Bulma with his eyebrows raised. "I'm warning you, woman, get off me NOW!!" Bulma got off. He got up and stared at the 'dinosaur'. It was crying. "Tell me, why is this dinosaur crying?" He asked. "I didn't know Dinosaurs could cry." Bulma was motioning something to Trunks, who was nodding and saying things under his breath. "Why are you communicating with this beast?" Vegeta asked. She just continued. Trunks side stepped around to the back of Vegeta and slammed a metal pan on his head, knocking him out. "Maybe that knocked the memory back." Bulma said. "But I wonder why he thinks your a dinosaur. You dont LOOK like one. Or maybe thats just my opinion." "I know!!" Trunks said, and he pulled out an encyclopedia. "Show daddy a Picture of a real Dinosaur, then a picture of me. Maybe he'll get it right?" Bulma thought this was a great idea, so she pulled out the fmaily photo album.  
  
Vegeta was sitting by Bulma and Trunks on the couch with the photo album in his lap. Bulma turned the page. "There's Trunks when he was just a baby! See, your dangling him by his leg because he won't stop crying. I tried to tell you that would only make it worse but you woulden't listen. And look! Here's when Trunks and I were still in the hospital after I had him. You weren't there, because you weren't the greatest dad in the world!!" She flipped the page. "See! And here's you and Trunks at the zoo!!" Then she got the encyclopedia. "This is a dinosaur." Bulma said, pointing to a T-Rex. Vegeta shook his head. "No, that is our son." He pointed to the picture. "That is a dinosaur. Why don't you go back to Kindergarten and leave me alone. I just want some sleep. My head really hurts." "Um, Mom, I think yall should have stayed on your vacation a little longer." Trunks said. "Me too." Bulma agreed. "But even if he thinks your a dinosaur, he's going to bond with you!! Dinosaur or saiyan/human!!" Trunks wasn't so sure about that. "Vegeta, me and you are going to take Trunks to the park." "Trunks? Who's Trunks?" "Trunks is our son!! Or our 'dinosaur'. We are going to take Trunks to a park and you are going to play with him!!" Vegeta thought. "Will you make me some lunch if I do?" "Ummmm....sure." "Okay." Vegeta said. "For 30 minutes."  
  
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeee..............this is so d*mn fun..................." Vegeta said. He was hanging on the monkey bars and Trunks was too. "Yeah, dad!! It's so D*mn fun!!" "Don't say that Trunks." Bulma said while she was reading the newspaper. Vegeta wished they could switch places. "Let's go and play on the merry go round!!" Trunks said, and he flew off the Monkey Bars and onto the Merry Go Round. Several kids began jumnping off the park equipment trying to fly. "Honey!! I told you not to fly in public!!" Bulma screeched at Trunks. Now the other kids thought he was a geek. He didnt like that. "C'mon Dad!!" Trunks said. "Spin it!!" Vegeta spun it very gently. The Merry Go Round went around so fast Trunks' hands slipped off and he flew all the way across the park. He banged into a tree and sat there, dazed. "Um, are you alright, son?" Vegeta yelled. "I'm okay, dad!! Let's do it again!!" "Dinosaurs are supposed to be tougher than this!!" Vegeta said to Trunks. "But I'm not a--" "Shut up and get on." Trunks got on the Merry Go Round and held on very tight. Vegeta Spun it around. Trunks' legs were flying off and he was hanging on for dear life. "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddddddddddddd tttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssss issssssssssssssssssss fuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Trunkds said as he went around and around. The Merry Go Round slowed down and stopped. Trunks didn't look so well. " Mommy.....Daddy.....I think I'm going too...." He bent over and barfed on Bulma's sandals. "Yuck." Bulma said, and wiped it off with a baby wipe. "Stop going so fast!!" She said. "Next it might be my sweater!!" Vegeta shrugged. He thought it was a very ugly sweater. "Twisty slide!!" Trunks said. "Dad, lets go on the twisty slide!!" Trunks pointed to the slide that twisted and was pretty long. "Trunks, I dont know if I will fit in the slide." "Sure you will!!" Bulma piped up. "Your REALLY skinny. I know you can!!"  
  
"Thanks alot!!" Vegeta mumbled to her."But I think we should eat lunch first."Trunks agreed. "Sure thing, dad!! Hey mom, can you pull out the lunch sandwiches and stuff?" "Okay!!" Bulma said. She began getting it out, when Vegeta spotted someone very familiar.  
  
"Kakarott!!" He hissed to Bulma. Chi Chi was holding on to Goku's arm, and Goten was playing on the slide. And there, on a leash led by Kakarott, was the huge, ugly monster-- BONES THE PITBULL!! 


	5. A doberman called Rex! Up in trees and b...

Chapter 5  
  
"Hello, Vegeta!!" Goku said, and he flew over, almost stranging Bones. "Get that mutt away from me before I kill it!!" Vegeta screamed in a raw sound. "Behave, Honey." Bulma said to Vegeta. "Mind if we join you in eating?" Goku said. Bulma shook her head. "Though with 2 saiyans and 2 half saiyans, it might be difficult to have enough." "I'll say!!" Vegeta yelled. "I get first pickings, because my wife bought the food." "My wife buys food too." Goku said. "And food for Bones. and if me and Bones dont get what we want, we tend to bite people." Vegeta's eyes got wide. "B-B-Bite people?" Bones hopped up on the bench beside Vegeta and Bulma. He looked right at Vegeta. "Excuse me, Bulma, but I have to go." And he flew away and perched on the Merry Go Round. "Vegeta!!" Bulma called. "Please come back! I can't survive with these people without you!!" Chi Chi was mixing up some beer, when out of the blue, Picollo came. "Do I smell Beer?" He asked. "That trash bag is getting pretty hot." "What are you doing here?" Bulma asked. "Veggie dropped you in a treatment center, right?" "No jail can hold me." Picollo explained. "Oh." Bulma said. She went over to the Merry Go Round. "You get RIGHT BACK over there RIGHT NOW!! Goku and the rest are soooooo annoying, I can't survive alone!! And lookit you-- your rediculous, scared of a small little puppy dog. " Vegeta frowned. "It is not just a puppy dog, it is a Pit Bull, and it will bite me if I don't let Kakarott eat first." Goku looked over at them evilly. "See!!" Vegeta said. "He already told that dog to come over here and rip us apart!!" "Alright," Bulma said. "If you won't come on your own, I'll have to DRAG you!!" She grabbed a part of Vegeta's spandex and started to pull. Vegeta grabbed on to a merry go round bar and held on tight. "COME ON!!!!" Bulma screeched. "NO!!" Vegeta countered. "I'll never let go!" Bulma pulled for a while, but sand was getting in her shoes so she stopped. When she let go of the tight rubber material, it snapped Vegeta's leg. "Ouch!!" He said. "Fine." Bulma said. "You win. But don't whine to me when your hungry! But we might through you a few bread crumbs!" Vegeta was sad. He was sooooo hungry. He decided he would have to KILL Bones before he would get his lunch. He pointed at Bones, who growled at him. A small Ki Blast formed on his finger and shot out. JUst at the right moment, Bones jumped up. The horrible blast shot out and hit.... "MY HOUSE!!" Goku wailed. Vegeta had forgotten Kakarott's house was behind the park. Bulma laughed as the house was ingulfed in flame. "Nice shot, Vegeta!" She yelled. He gave a thumbs up and watched as the house burnt to the ground. Goten and Goku quickly flew and tried to rescue certain things. Goten came out with his Game Boy and a few Games, and a scorch mark on his face. "Goku!" Chi Chi yelled. But he didn't come out. "Did daddy go in?" Goten asked. Chi Chi nodded. But he didn't come out. "Go see if he's in there." Trunks said to Vegeta. "Maybe he got burned up." Vegeta shrugged. "Maybe god answered my prayers. Lemme go check!" And he flew over to the ruins of the house. Goku was sitting in the middle of the living room watching T.V. "This is the last of T.V i'll ever see." He said to Vegeta. Then a spark jumped on his clothes and caught him on fire. "OW!" He yelled, flailing his arms and legs. "Help me!!" He screeched. "OWWWWW!!" Vegeta just stood there laughing, while Goku ran out of the house, a huge ball of fire. He flew after him. "Goku!!" Chi Chi yelled, and poured alchohal on him to try and put the fire out. Big mistake. The fire flared up over Goku's face, arms and everywhere else. "Stop Drop and Roll, daddy!!" Goten said. "Hurry!!" Goku started rolling. Vegeta decided to be real funny, and picked up Bones. "NO, VEGETA!!" Bulma screamed. Too late. Vegeta tossed Bones on top of Goku, and Bones caught on fire. It was only a matter of minutes before you could smell burning fur, and Bones was dead. Goku's fire was out from rolling. He was one huge 3rd degree burn. "Owwww...." He said. Vegeta looked at him. "Geez. You dont look so good." He said.  
  
"The hospital said Goku can get out of the hospital in about 2 days." Bulma said. "His burns were pretty bad, but they need his room." Vegeta grunted while looking through a magazine. "And why do you think I wanna know that?" Bulma frowned. "Because Goku and his family need somewhere to stay. They're house was burned down, and let me remind you it was YOUR Ki Blast." "So? Please lemme alone! I'm reading!!" Bulma ripped the magazine away. "Vegeta, I told them they could stay here until they find a place. Goku said he would like to use your gravity room to help with his training when he gets over being bedridden." Vegeta's eyes got wide as dinner plates. "Kakarotts family--staying here? No way!! I've already got one nagging lady living with me!! Chi Chi will be like....double it!!" "Vegeta, our house has 2 bedrooms that we don't even use. It's a huge place. C'mon." "And think about the little brat!! Iv'e already got one living here!!" "Trunks won't be much of a problem because we'll dump him outside or at his grandparents alot." Vegeta groaned. "But Bulma, My gravity room is....MINE!! I train there every day!! It's set for MY level! He'll screw it up!! You built it for ME!! Not Kakarott!!" "Vegeta, what I say goes! I bought the house, I work to keep us from losing the house, and I don't CARE about your gravity room! You and Goku can train together!!" Shge giggled when she said the last part. "No!!" Vegeta screeched. "Fags do that!! I'm notta fag!!" Bulma was laughing really hard. "Vegeta, there's no problem with being a fag." "I'm not a fag!! I have a WIFE in case you forgot!!" Bulma stopped laughing. "Okay, whatever. But maybe this will help the rift between you and Goku, huh?" Vegeta crossed his arms. "I can't beleive you. You didn't even ask me first. I thought I lived here." "You do, but that doesn't mean you matter much." Bulma said. Then Bulma walked out. Vegeta was mad.  
  
"Vegeta, go help carry Goku's stretcher and the Son's stuff." Vegeta sat there and ignored her. "I'm so mad at you right now I could blow your head off." Bulma slapped Vegeta's head. "Go carry Goku in!! He's on a stretcher!! He can't walk!!" Vegeta angrily trudged outside, where Goten was lifting up one end of the stretcher. "You get the other end, Trunks' dad." He told Vegeta. Vegeta looked at Goten sourly. He picked it up. "Hiii....." Goku said. "Vegeta, thanks for burning my house down. Now I get to take over yours!!" Goku said, and he laughed maniaclly. Picollo popped out of the trash sack. "Hi guys. What are you doing here?" Vegeta dropped Goku's stretcher, and his head bumped the ground. "Ow!!" He said. "Bulma, Vegeta's being mean!!" Vegeta picked up the stretcher end as Bulma came out. "He's lying!! He's lying!!" Vegeta said. "Goku, how come your all read and black?" Picollo asked. "I got horribly burned." "Oh." Picollo said. "Guess what I had for dinner last night? Some guy threw me a hamburger because I was crying." Vegeta told Picollo to go away. "I see how you are." Picollo said in his boring voice and went under his trash sack. Vegeta carried Goku into one of the guest rooms and tossed him on the bed. "Ow!!" He said. "Could I get some water!!" "No!" Vegeta said. "I'm not your slave." "VEGETA!!" Bulma said. "You get that nice man some water right now or I'll unplug the gravity room!" Vegeta slumped over and walked into the kitchen. He filled a jelly jar glass with water. "I will not be a slave in my own home." He grumbled. Bulma was washing dishes. "No, Chi Chi will do the rest. But If you dont be extra nice to Goku, I'll wring your neck." Vegeta mocked her and brought the glass to Goku. "Thanks, buddy!!" goku said when he brought it in. "I'm not your buddy!!" Vegeta growled. "And I will not get anything else for you. You have a woman, make her do it." Goku sighed. "I was awfully sad when you killed my dog, Bones." Vegeta laughed. "All in a days work." He said. "Well, you know what Chi Chi did when you did that?" Vegeta didn't care. "What?" He asked. "Cried?" Goku laughed and shook his head. "No. Chi Chi!! Come show Vegeta our suprise!!" "Yes, Goku!!" Vegeta said. Then he was horrified. A large, mean looking dog stalked in, dragging Chi Chi. It was on a chain and had a red spiky collar around it's neck. It was a doberman. Not one of those miniature ones, this one was full sized. It had huge teeth, cropped ears, and a cropped tail. It had huge muscles. "Meet Rex." Goku said. "Our new dog!!"  
  
Vegeta screamed and screeched. He raced out of the room at top speed. "Bulma, Bulma!!" He cried. He ran into the kitchen and hid behind her. "What is it, Veggie?" She asked. "Lookk.....a.....b-b-big doggy!!" "Nonsense!!" She said. "There's no dogs in this house. Calm down!!" But Vegeta was shaking all over. "Fine, I'll go see." Bulma said. "Stay here." "No!" Vegeta said. "If your gone, who will protect me?!" Bulma didnt have to go. The dog stalked in, dragging Chi Chi. "Oh, hi puppy!!" Bulma said. Vegeta screamed and burst into tears. Bulma was petting Rex, and Chi Chi wasn't moving. She was fainted. Rex set his eyes on Vegeta and he started to growl. "He doesn't like me!!" "Yes he does!!" Bulma said. "Come and pet him, and he'll like you!!" Rexie snapped and barked at Vegeta. Vegeta cried harder. "I think you needa nap." Bulma said. Vegeta wailed. "I'll lock the door so Rex can't get in." Vegeta walked into his room and Bulma locked the door.  
  
They were all watching Rex catch the Frisbee outside. Except for Goku; he was still hurt. But even Picollo and Vegeta were out there, because Bulma had dragged them out for a barbecue. Vegeta was sitting way up in a tree where he was hoping Rex couldenb;t see him. Everyone else was under the tree, in the shade because it was hot. Trunks and Goten were playing with Rex. Bulma was flipping the hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill. Vegeta usually did that, but he was too much of a chicken sh*t right now. "Vegeta, if you don't come down from there right now, you dont get any barbecue." Bulma said. "Are you trying to starve me?" He responded. "First I didn't get lunch; and now this!! I'm a saiyan!! I need food!! This is an outrage!! I'm so mad!! Makes me wanna scream, but doggy will get me!! AGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!" His voice was making that croaky sound it does on the show when he gets upset. "This dog will not hurt you!!" Trunks said. "Look daddy, he's really nice!! He wants you to come down!"  
  
Rex was barking up at him. The kids thought Rex was happy; but Vegeta knew the dog wanted him to come down so he could rip out his intestines and chew through his liver until it gushed fluids. "Hey, you stupid animal! You don't bark at me! Leave me alone!!" He called. Rex continued to bark. "Vegeta, dont call Rex a stupid animal!!" Picollo said. "We're best friends!! Aren't we, Rexie?" Rex jumped on Picollo and began biting him. He ripped long strips of Picollo's green flesh. "Ow!! Gee, that hurts!!" Picollo yelled. He blasted a S. Beam Cannon at Rex, not hitting him but scaring him enough to back off. "Are you alright?!" Bulma asked. Picollo nodded. "Oh, yeah. Nothing a little beer can't fix." And he grabbed a beer and began drinking it. "Don't you at least want a Band-aid?" Bulma asked, holding one out. "Don't mind if I do." He said, and ate it. "Okay......?" Bulma said, and flipped the Barbecue. Vegeta thought the barbecue smelled so good. He was drooling everywhere. "Can't I have some?" He called. "NO!!" Chi Chi said. "None!! Your a chicken!!" "Shut up you stupid whore!!" He yelled at her. "I'll bring you some!!" Bulma said. She took a plate and put on it Barbecued chicken, some barbecued hot dogs, a barbecued hamburger, some coleslaw, some sweet potatoes and a Dr. Pepper. "Can you come down and get it?" She asked. "I'm not a good tree cilmber, especially when the first branch is 40 feet above me." Vegeta hesitated. "Are you sure the dog won't kill me?" Bulma rolled her eyes. "No. Now come down here and sit and eat with us. We miss your company." "Yeah right!!" Chi Chi hollered. Bulma gave her the finger and Vegeta called her a whore. "Chain up that awful mutt and then maybe I will." "Trunks, put a chain on that dog so your dad will come down." Trunks groaned, but he did what he was told to. Vegeta slowlt floated down and grabbed his plate. "Where do I sit at?" He asked. Bulma pointed. "Right here, by me."Vegeta parked his @$$. He started eating, watching Rex the whole time. It was tugging at the chain and making a horrible racket. Spit flew from it's ugly lips. Trunks and Goten were eating their dinner right by it. Vegeta hoped it would bite Goten. It didn't. It bit Picollo when he tried to pet it. But he still insisted that Rex was his best friend. For a second, he got distracted from watching Rex. Maybe it was because he noticed there was a fly in his hair, maybe because Bulma was doing something he thought was hot, maybe because Picollo had disappeared again. But whatever it was, it distracted him long enough that Rex broke his chain!! Vegeta looked up again. "OMG!!" He gasped. He shook Bulma. "Lookit, Lookit it's gone, it busted the chain and its gone and OMG its going to come over here and eat me..." His voice did the croaky thing again. "Oh look!!" Bulma said, turning around. "He LIKES you!!" Vegeta leaped 3 feet into the air. "Yipes!!" He said, and grabbed his plate. He flew up into the tree, while Rex snapped at his heels. It grabbed ahold of his spandex and held on as Vegeta flew up, but Vegeta didn't notice. "Ah, the safety of my tree.". He saw carved in Childish letters was the word Patty carved in the tree. Picollo had named the tree Patty. Vegeta patted the tree and blinked. When he opened his eye, drool dropped in it. "Oh my." He said. "I think my tree has sprung a leak." He looked up into the face of REX !!!!!! "Dear old Patty, why have you betrayed me?!" He yelled as he leaped from the tree. He landed down hard and both his knees snapped. Bulma sighed. "Bring me the phone." She said. She dialed a number. "Hello? Dende? "  
  
Dende walked into the front door. "Whats wrong?" He asked. "Is Picollo wasted again? Another hangover?" Bulma shook her head and lead him outside. Vegeta was sitting there in his boxer shorts, staring at the dog chained to the wall. His knees were swollen and purple and bloody. He was wailing. "Hi Vegeta!!" Dende said. "Whats wrong?" Vegeta wiled someore. "He broke his legs!!" Trunks said. "It's awfully funny how daddy broke his legs. I wonder if I can break mine?" Dende rolled his eyes. "Lemme guess, you want me to heal you?" Bulma walked out with an ice pack. "Yes, you stupid green fag! Now do it!" "Bein' greennn....." Dende sighed. "Everyone misunderstands me." "Shut up and heal me!" Vegeta said. "No can do." Dende said. "Not 20 minutes ago I went out to the park and there was this dog there. He was dead so I took his to the hospital and they jumpstarted his heart up, then I healed him."  
  
"What did this dog look like? And why can't you heal my busted bones?!" Dende shrugged. "He was a little Pit Bull. I was so totally WASTED I thought he was worth it. So I can't heal you. I'm too wasted to heal 2 people in the space of one hour." Vegeta screamed. "My poor ol busted bones." Bulma grabbed one leg. "Maybe if we can set your bones, they wont hurt so much until the hour is up." She fiddled with his bones!! They rubbed together, grinded, and chipped against eachother.  
  
"OW!!! GOD D*MN!!! OW~~~!!!" He screeched. When she was finished 'setting' the bones, they were horribly mishapen. "You made it worse!" He wailed. "Ow!!" Rex jumped down from the tree casually. He saw Vegeta on the ground and his horrible mishapen knees. He began running toward him. "No way!!" Bulma yelled. "If you kill my husband, there's no one to do my dirty work!!" She hurled a rock at Rex. He ran all the way in the back of the yard and sat there, shivering. He had a big ol purple lump on his haid.  
  
"I can try." Dende said. "But I dont know if it will work." He spread his hands over Vegeta. He expected Vegeta to turn green and be healed. But to his suprise, his legs bucked and landed hard on the concrete patio. "OWCH!!!" Vegeta yelled. "Whoops." Dende said and laughed like a retard. "I acidently used my hand-moving stuff power. Sorry!!" Vegeta grabbed Dende around the neck. "Listen up, you little green pimp!! If you dont heal me RIGHT NOW, I'll kill you. To H*ll with earth!" Dende stomped on Vegeta's knees. Vegeta gritted his teeth but didn't let go. So Dende kicked him in the nuts. A tear dripped from his left eye, but he didn't let go. So he grabbed the snapped knee bones and rubbed them together. Vegeta let go, and he fainted. "Oh dear." Said Chi Chi. "He died." "He didn't die, mommy you whore." Goten said. "He's just fainted!!" Bulma put a rag on his head, then put some smelling salts under his nose. She expacted him to wake up, say 'Nope, that ain't gonna do it' like Flanders on the simpsons, and faint again, but he sat upright. Vegeta noticed that one of the bones was sticking out of his skin. "Hurry up, dende!" He said. "My poor ol busted bones hurts!" "I'm taking him to the hospital!" Bulma said. "Dende will probley be so WASTED that--" "Speaking of wasted, lemme go talk to Picollo for a second...." Dende said. Bulma rolled her eyes. "As I was saying, he'll probley use his lil' 'Hand moving thingy' and hurt him even more. So Trunks, fly me to the hospital!!" Trunks shrugged. "I'm sorry, but you and daddy are simply to fat. I'm only five years old,and that would hurt." Bulma shrugged. "Aw well. Veggie, do you want Corny dogs or hamburgers for dinner tomarrow?" "Advil." He replied. "Your talking about dinner at a time like this? I'm dying!!" Bulma shook her head. "Your not dying, Vegeta. Your bones are just busted and your bleeding pretty bad. Maybe from now on you'll stop jumping out of that tree." "Trunks, carry me to my bedroom." He said. "I want to die in my own room, surrounded by my own house." Trunks struggled and carried him in. Everyone, including Rex, followed. "This is all I need." He said. "Goodbye, cruel world." He closed his eyes, but they popped open again. "And maybe some orange juice, but thats all I need." Bulma got up and got him some orange juice. He picked out all the pulp and drank it. Then he closed his eyes. Not 5 seconds later, they opened. "Can I have the remote?" He said, pointing to the T.V remote. "I decided I dont wanna die right now." Trunks gave it to him. He clicked it onto the history channel. "Whats going on?" Goku said. "I wanna know!!" Dende ran in."Oh hi Goku. You look great!" "Picollo gave me some--" He stopped. "Some....Perkiset!! Yeah thats it!!" (Perkiset is a medicine you can buy that perks you up, like speed cept over the counter) He put his hands on Vegeta and healed him. "Great!!" Bulma said. "Now, Vegeta, you can change our sheets because you got blood on them." vegeta changed the sheets because he likes to.  
  
Dende was passed out on the floor. But nobody cared. He was so totally WASTED that nobody wanted to bother picking him up. But nobody had seen Picollo in a little while. But there was a strange smell coming from the ally behind the Capsule Corp. where the trash bag was. "I figure Picollo's wasted." Goku said, in his wheelchair. He wasn't supposed to be using his arms yet, but he was anyway. But he looked like a giant scab. A cough came from behind the house. "Thats him!!" Dende said, awakening. "I want more!!" The little green thing ran like heck to the back of Capsule Corp. "What's Picollo up to?" Vegeta asked. He was doing sit ups to bend his knees so they woulden't stiffen up. "I don't know." Bulma said. "But whatever he's got back there, it's really addictive. Why, just last week I had to prevent Trunks from seeing Picollo." Trunks blushed. "Mom, why do you have to embarras me?" "I'm going to see!" Chi Chi said. She stomped out of the house. Nobody knew why she was always mad. "Is this one of those girl things?" Goku asked. "Why Chi Chi is always mad?" Vegeta shrugged. "Bulma gets like that sometimes. But when I lock her in the closet, she straightens up pretty fast." Goku thought about how he could lock Chi Chi in the closet. "Maybe we better go see too." Bulma said. "If its somethings really good, I may want some too. Coming, Vegeta?" Vegeta stood up from his sit ups and threw his sweat towel over his shoulders. "I guess so. You have a good point." They went to the back of the huge house. Picollo was standing in front of his trash sack. Several holes were poked in it, and rats were running all around. Chi Chi stepped on a dead one. Her high-heel poked into it's eye. "Lets have a look-see inside there." Bulma said. She reached past Picollo to open up the trash sack. He bit her with his sharp teeth. "Nobody touches my trash sack and my stuff!" He said. He looked really scary. "All we wanna know is if there's any illegal stuff behind our house." Vegeta said. "I mean, we've all done our share of crimes, but we don't wanna go to jail for it." He creaked Picollo's neck in a strange angle and reached into the ally. He opened the trash sack and looked inside. "Holy Sh*t!!" He yelled. "Lookit all this stuff!!" He dumped it out. Beer, liquor, and a bunch of illegal stuff (I can't say the horrible d word or they'll make me rate this story 'r') fell out. "You weren't selling it to anyone under 21 were you?" Chi Chi asked. Picollo didn't say anything. "Our SON is 5." Bulma said. "Oh, Picollo." Was all Chi Chi said. "Maybe we can get this stuff out of here before the cops find out." Vegeta said. "I know!!" Bulma said, being an idiot female. "Why don't you just ki blast it and then we can all go back to our lives and i can......(Her voice got boring)....finish washing the dirty breakfast dishes and washing Vegeta's smelly training clothes..." "Great Idea!!" Chi Chi said. "Do it, Vegeta." He shrugged. "I dont think it will do anything bad." Picollo was sobbing, so Chi Chi had Rex stand in front of him so he wouldent try anything. "I worked so hard to get this far!!" Picollo was screaming. Vegeta tossed the bag up in the air and ki blasted it with a single finger movement. It exploded into a thousand peices. "Whats that smell?" Chi Chi asked. "Smells like....beer." Vegeta shrugged. "I dunno. But I kinda like it. Go get the broom, so's I can sweep this stuff up and ki blast it again." His eyes were getting red. "Geez, dat burnz muh eyez." He said. His words were slurring. Bulma came back with a broom. " Hey Vegeetaa.... here's za broom. Geez, Im feeling kinda ztrange, aren't you?"  
  
Vegeta nodded. "And I like it. Wadda bout u, Chi Chi?" Chi Chi was laughing. Rex was stumbling everywhere. "Whaddaya think happened?" Bulma asked. "I think we're wasted." Chi Chi said. Vegeta shrugged. "Aw welll..now we can have fun and have an excuse. Bulma, lets go up to our room and lock the door and turn out the lights and-'  
  
"Please dont continnnnnue." Chi Chi said. "I needs a drinks. Buh bye." Vegeta and Bulma went into the house and Chi chi fainted by the door. Trunks ran outside. "Wheres mommy and da-Oh my god....what is that smellll........" Goten followed. "Trunks whats that smell? It smells like Picollo's trash sack!!" Picollo was crying. "Guys?" Goku called from in the house. "I can't make it out there cause there's a woman by the door!! Oh, it's Chi Chi!!" "Don't come out, daddy." Goten said. "Trunks is acting REEEEEEEALLLLLLLLY strange." Goku looked outside. "Good god!! Whats wrong with that dog?" Rex was trying to dig in the cement. "I think your wasted, Trunks!!" Goku said. "Wait till your mom hears about this!!" Trunks laughed. "She's not available right now.........................." Picollo sobbed. "I'm locking you in the closet until your no longer wasted! The fumes from Picollos.....stuff must have made you this way!!" "You'll have to fight me to get me away from this smell!!" Trunks said. "It makes me feel better than I ever have!!" He powered up into Super Saiyan. "Oh please." Goku said. "Your just a kid. Don't make me beat your @$$." Trunks shrugged. "It's all good!!" He said, and powered down. Then he followed Goku into the house, followed by the family dog, Goten, and ChI Chi, who had just woken up. Picollo decided to stay outside and cry. "Somebody tell me what happened." Goku said. "Well...." Trunks started. He prepared to tell a lie. "It all started when that mean old dog ran outside. I knew how sad you would be if it got away. So I went out there, and what did I see? My daddy, My momma, and Chi Chi and Picollo and that mean old dog were laughing at Picollo because they stole all his stuff. So I esploded the stuff so they won't fight over it anymore. Then there was this smell, so I ran in the house and got Goten and when I come back out, Momma and daddy were acting really strange and Chi Chi fell down and momma and daddy went into the house. That's how it happened." Goten shook his head. "Nuh uh, Daddy! I know how it happened and Trunks is lying!!" Goku scowled at Trunks. "My faithful old son will tell the truth. Go on, Goten!!" "Well....Goten said. "I went oputside, and there was a big old monster! Trunks was saying, 'save me save me' so I watched and Trunks' dad esploded the monster. Then Trunks ran inside, and there was a really funny smell! Then everyone started acting weird, then I saved the day, then Mommy fainted. "That's not how it happened!" Chi Chi said. "I was knocked out in a horrible battle!!" Rex barked. "Shut up everyone!" Goku said. "I dont believe Trunks because his dad has made him a ruthless lier. I don't beleive Goten because his story is a bunch of bullSh*t. I don't beleive my wife because I hate her. I don't beleive Rex because I don't understand him. Somebody tell me what happened." Vegeta and Bulma came out. "What's wrong, Goku?" Bulma asked. "Filling the children's heads with crap again?" Goku shook his head again. "Nope. Not this time. I'm trying to figure out what happened." Bulma started washing dishes. "Why don't you ask Vegeta?" Bulma said. "He doesn't lie." "Okay." Goku said. "vegeta, you tell me what happened." "Well...."Vegeta started, "It all happened when we decided to check out what Picollo had in his trash sack. So we all go outside, and trhere was a big mob who had sighns and they said, 'kill kakarott.' so I decided I would explode all the people and do what they said. You know, go with the majority? So I was about to go inside, when there was this strange smell and everyone acted pretty weird, so me and Bulma decided to comne in the house so you won't think we did anything." Goku was sad. "Nobody will tell me what happened!!" "I will!!" Bulma said. "We were all outside, enjoying the fresh summer air." She started. "It's spring." vegeta corrected. "Whatever." She said. "We were all enjoying the SPRING air, when there was this really hot guy and he was selling cosmetics. I wanted to buy some, but Vegeta wanted to save money, so he exploded the guy. Then there was this smell, and everyone acted weird. The end." "I think I know whats wrong!!" Goku said. "Your all wasted. Vegeta exploded the stuff and the fumes made you high. Correct?" They all groaned. "Answer me right now." They all nodded. "For punishment for getting yourselves wasted, Bulma you have to wash my clothes, Chi Chi you have to rub my feet, Goten you can't watch The Osbournes, Trunks you can't watch South Park, and vegeta, you......" Vegeta waited. "You have to feed the dog every day!!" vegeta's eyes widened. If he wasn't so wasted, he wouldn't have accepted. "But I'm scared of Old Yeller!" "This is not old yeller. This is a mean dog who will tear your eyes out if you don't feed em." "But I like my eyes." vegeta said. "If he rips out my eyes, I won't be able to see and feed him." Goku was mad. "Go feed my dog now!!"  
  
"You don't live here." Bulma said. "This is me, Vegetas and Trunks' house. If you try to be mean, we'll throw you out." Goku shrugged. Just then, some strange guy kicked the door in!! 


	6. jail with a sex starved convict! Oh no!

Chapter 6  
  
"This is the police!!" The man who had kicked the door in said. "And some bum next door, you know, the green tall guy, said you guys were wasted on illegal stuff!!" "Oh no!!" Bulma said. "It's not our fault, Officer. You see, my husband was trying to clean up Picollo's mess and--" The cop got close to Bulma's face. "Your eyes are all weird looking and your breath smells like the end of the world. Yep, your wasted." Another cop stepped in. This one was tall and black, as opposed to the scronny white guy that had come in first. The black guy was homely, but the white one was rather handsome. "Are you going to take me to jail?" Bulma asked. "For how long?" The white officer turned around. His badge said 'Doofy'(You know, like on Scary Movie? But this guy don't act like a retarded reject). "No, you don't have to worry. We would never take you to jail." ]Bulma shrugged. "It's all good." She said. Then the black guy turned to Vegeta. Chi Chi and the others were nowhere in sight. vegeta guessed Goku had flown them out. Trunks had probley went through a window. "Does anyone else live here?" He asked. Bulma looked at Vegeta. "Umm....No. Just me and him." The black guy scratched his head. "Funny. The green guy said you guys had a kid!" Vegeta shrugged. "Well, waddaya know? He was probley lying. Maybe about the whole thing. Now if you could leave us alone--" The black guy smelled. "Your wasted!" He said. "On who knows how many things! Mr. Breifs, your under arrest!!" "No!" Bulma said. "I'm wasted too! I sold him the drugs!" She said. Doofy shrugged. "Your too hot to take to jail." He said. He was a sick b*st*rd. Vegeta looked at the open door. "I dont have time for this." He said, and he flung them both out the door with a wave of his hand. "Vegeta!" Bulma said, as he closed the door. "You can't do that! That's the cops!" "I'm the prince of all Saiyans!" He said. "No lousy cop can tell me what to do!" He said. "They're better off out there anyway!" Bulma heard Doofy talking. "He's calling for backup!" She said. " Vegeta, don't mention the saiyans thing to them or they'll throw you in the mental instutution." "Let's split." He said. "I dont want to go to jail." "I dont want you to go to jail either, but if you run from the cops, we'll be like Bonny and Clyde! Our faces will be on America's Most Wanted!"  
  
"But It's not our fault that we're wasted! Let's go!!" He tugged on her arm but she wouldent go. "Sorry. But I don't want to be in bigger trouble!!" The cops, now 6 of them, busted in through the door. " Come quietly and no one will get hurt!" Vegeta KI blasted at them. "God! You guys are like pests! Leave us alone!!" He started Ki Blasting all around them so they might get scared and run out. They didn't. A S.W.A.T team busted into the back window, behind them. Vegeta powered into Super Saiyan. He flung the SWAT team out the back door, but the cops grabbed him. "We don't know what the h*ll you just did, but now your under arrest!" They said. They put handcuffs around his hands so he coulden't move them. He tugged at them. "These hurt me!" He said. "I'm gonna bust them!" Bulma shook her head. "You'll only make it worse." She said. "Just let them take you. I'll get you out." She gave him a kiss goodbye and they put Vegeta into the squad car. "What are these jail bars for?" He asked, looking at them. "Is this car a jail?" Nobody answered. The backup officers and the SWAT team were getting in the cars.  
  
A couple minutes later, they were at the West City jail. There were cells everywhere, each one with people in it. They tossed Vegeta in with a fat bald guy. "Hi, I'm Gus." He said. "I have an IQ of 35." Vegeta looked at him squarly. "I want out!" He said, shaking the bars. "Say, Gus, do you know how to get out?!" Gus pointed to the locked cell door. "Well no duh!" Vegeta said. "I mean a secret way out!" Vegeta wanted to bust out, but the celeing was made of cement. If he tried to Ki blast the ceiling, it would cave on him. "Mr. Breifs, you have a call." Said the sheriff guy. He handed Vegeta a phone. "Hello?" Vegeta said. "Bulma? Help me!"  
  
"I can't." She replied. "I'm about to go see the D.A so maybe I can bail you out." "Bail me out? What does that mean?" "Pay money so you can come home. I told Goku and everyone to scrounge up they're savings, but they won't." Vegeta beat on the wall. "Well at least bring me something to eat! The stuff they shoved in front of me was revolting!" "I'll be there later." She said. "Bye bye!" "Bye." Vegeta mumbled, and he gave the phone back. He looked at the stuff in the black tray they had given him. "If you pick out the peas and grind them into your rice, it tastes less like dog food." Gus said. Vegeta shoved it away. "Take it! I refuse to eat this sh*t! Where is she? I want food!!" Gus started eating Vegeta's food. "Gee, your nice. And hot, too." Gus said. Vegeta was freaked out. "I gotta get outta here!" He squeaked. He beat on the bars. "Officer? Officer Doody, or dooty, or whatever your name is?" Officer Doofy just read a police magazine. "You stay right there." He said. "Your wife might come by later, she said." Vegeta growled. "You've been talking to her? Tell her to get me the F*ck out of here! I demand to see a lawyer! Right now!" Doofy called a lawyer in. Krillin came in in a white suit, a white hat, and a breifcase. "Baldy, I didn't know you were a lawyer." Vegeta said. "I'm not." Krillin whispered. "I destroyed this one dude and took over his job. It's great income!" Vegeta shrugged. "Get me out of here, Baldy. I need some real food and a real bed! In this trash heap I have to sleep underneath Operation Dumbo Drop in a creaky bunkbed!" Krillin scratched his head. "Well too bad. Bulma can bail you out. You see, I never have liked you Vegeta. Now I get to watch you ROT!" He cackled as he walked out. "You had to pick the guy who hates me, didn't you?" Vegeta growled. "Doody, you just wait till I get my hands on you. I'll wring your faggot neck." Doofy shrugged. "Sh*t happens." He said. Vegeta started screaming and pounding on the walls. Doofy noticed a terrifying resemblance between the main charectar of the king kong movie he was watching and Vegeta. Then Bulma came in. Vegeta started howling. "Lemme out!" He said. "I want out!" He started pawing out her through the bars. "I brought a burrito!" She gushed. "Your favorite. I heated it up and put cheese on the top. And a Doctor pepper." She gave it to him and he started eating. "So how are you doing? I see you made a friend." "Bulma, it's horrible! This guy is gay, the bed is hard, the food sucks, and my lawyer is Krillin! Plus I have to pee in front of everyone!" "Oh my, that does sound bad." She said. "But you look really nice in Prison clothes. Maybe we could borrow a pair for church. I'll have to ask." Vegeta was mad. "Just GET ME OUT NOW! I'm used to eating food that's actually edible! IO'm used to sleeping on a king sized water bed, next to a skinny woman, as opposed to under an elephant! I'm used to wearing spandex! I'm used to you wearing a tight red dress, and this big oaf wearing stupid ugly prison Sh*t. Too many changes. I'll die! Bail me out!"  
  
"I saw the D.A." Bulma said. "And I have some good news, and some bad news." "Bad news first." Vegeta said. "Well...."Bulma said. "I'll just give the good news first. He wants 5 million to get you out." She said. Vegeta clapped. "So pay up! We're rich!' "But the thing is, we'd have to pay for a lawyer as well. Thats about another million. We may be rich, Vegeta, but if we payed 6 million dollars we coulden't pay the bills for at least 5 months. We'd get evicted and stuff." "Too bad I'm not interested in girls!" Gus said. Bulma rolled her eyes. "Who cares if we get evicted? We can raise a child on the streets! It'll toughen him up." "I'm sorry." Bulma said. "But I just can't give up my house that my parents gave me and my precious Beany Babies. You'll have to wait while I save some money." Vegeta made big old moon eyes and a puppy dog face. "Pllleeeeeeeeeeeease?" He said. "I'll make it worth your while!" Bulma shrugged. "Sorry, but I can't get you out right now, okay? I'll come see you every day. Why, I may even bring Trunks along." Vegeta's eyes were sad. "Shows how much you care about me." He whined. "You won't even get me out of jail." "I care about you alot, but i don't see why we should give up our home when you could just wait a few weeks. 2 at the most." Vegeta slid down the bars. "Bye, Vegeta!" Bulma said and she kiss Vegeta goodnight. "I'll be back tomarrow with some breakfast!" Vegeta whined, but she walked out. Vegeta listened until he didn't hear her high heels anymore. Then he whined again. "Shut up in there, druggie." Doofy said. "The games on." Vegeta groaned and dropped onto the lower bunk bed. "When I used to be in there alone, thats where I went when I was sweaty so I would stunk up my top bunk!" Vegeta was disgusted. He was a guy and all, and guys sweat, but luckily he didn't sweat as much as some guys and it didn't smell bad, so he couldent pretend the smell was his and cope. The sheets smelled kinda like onions. The prison clothes were itchy. There was a book and a small T.V Between him and the urinal. He picked up the book. A child's chapter book called 'Charlie the Choo Choo goes to Chicago.' It was dog eared. "Good reading, huh Gus?" He asked. "Yeah!' Gus said. "That's the only type of book I can read!" Vegeta laughed. He read the book in 5 minutes, and it didn't impact him at all. He sat up almost roboticly. "Could I get something to eat in here, cop?" Vegeta said. "My woman only brought me a burrito because her purse is small." Doofy didn't even look up. "Yo, DOODY!" Vegeta called. Doofy threw him a pie crust. He ate it.  
  
It was 12:00 midnight. Vegeta had tried the T.V, but the only channel it got was Turner Classic Movies. He suspected Dooky or doody or whatever was tapping into their channels. He had tried to sleep, but Doofy's long peals of manly laughter and Gus' snores kept him awake. He coulden't sleep unless he was on his familier water bed. But he found this rather weird because he had come to live at the Capsule Corp. 7 years ago (2 years before Trunks was born and him and Bulma got married) and he seemed to do fine then. Gus woke up suddenly. "I hadda bad dream!' He shouted. He threw himself over the bunkbed rail and crashed to the floor. "God D*mn!" Vegeta screamed. "Are you trying to kill me?" Gus shrugged. "I hadda dream about my crime." He said. Vegeta was curious. "What was it? Was it enjoyable?"  
  
Gus nodded. "Yeah, the best. I sexually assaulted this young hot guy." Vegeta's eyes widened with horror. He powered up with an aura because he was freaked. "You stay the H*ll away from me, Dumbo Drop!" He shouted. "I'm straight! Do you understand? I'm a married man! I have no insterest in you at all!" Gus was drooling on the floor. Vegeta was so disgusted with Gus and himself for being in this horrible place that he almost cried. "WHY?" He asked. "Why me? Why can't we be richer? Why?" He sobbed. Doofy threw a pencil at them. "Keep it down! I'm watching Saturday Night Live!" The T.V that the Prison Guards watched were behind this wall thingy where Vegeta could see Doofy, but not the television. But Doofy could see it. "I love that show!" Vegeta pleaded. "Please let me see it! Just one little bit?!" Doofy laughed at the T.V. Vegeta slumped. He was humiliated with himself. His sheets smelled like onions, and so did his clothes. He reached into a pocket on his undershirt and pulled out a 20 dollar bill. "Yo, Doody!" He said. "What do you want?!" Doofy said. Vegeta flounced the money, knowing cops didn't make that much. "My wife's an inventor." Vegeta said. "I can pay you alot of money!" Doody laughed. "My wife's the governer." Vegeta gulped. "Why don't you let good old Gus fool wit cha?" Doody said. "He might donate some food." Gus laughed. Vegeta was horrified. "Give me a phone right now!" He said. "I'm calling that D.A and threatening him terribly!"  
  
'Afterwards?" Gus asked.  
  
It was morning. Vegeta didn't get any sleep the night before, and his stomach was growling horribly. He needed to pee, but he refused to in front of people. Even when he was a Prince he had a bathroom! "I'm starvy!" He yelled through the bars. "Where's Bulma! I need some food!" Doofy slid a tray of food out to Vegeta. "Enjoy!" He said, sarcasticcly. Vegeta picked at the food with a plastic fork. Gus was hanging over his shoulder, drooling right into the cardboard-tasting peach cobbler. "Take it, you animal!" He shouted. He slid it to Gus, who INHALED it. Doofy gave the guy across the way some skittles. He was a tall, handsome guy with black hair that resembled Supa Saiayan 11 yr old Gohan's. "Why does HE get Skittles?!" Vegeta roared. "He gets them from you, Doody, and I have to wait for my woman?!" The man ate the skittles slowly, while Gus blew snot all over Vegeta's back. He felt it hit the back of his neck. "Oh gross!" Vegeta said. "This guy has STRANGE powers." Doofy said. "He can shoot balls out of his fingers." "You mean like Nerf balls?" Vegeta asked. "Or basket balls?" The guy shot a power ball. "What the heck?!" Vegeta said. " Why did you do that? HOW did you go that?" The man spit skittles right at Vegeta. Vegeta was sad. The man shot another power ball right at Doofy. He ran for cover. "Stop it!" Vegeta said. He was in the middle of yelling when he heard a familier voice. "Bulma!" he said. "It's you! What did you bring me?" She ran over. "Look! Look!" She pulled out a sales circular. "Whats this for?" Vegeta asked, taking it. "Look at page four!" Bulma said. "I bought it for us!" Vegeta opened up to page four, a new couch. "Bulma...." He said. "How much did this cost us?" He asked. "Your supposed to be saving money to get me out, remember?" Bulma looked down at the couch. "Do you mean you want me to take the couch back?" Vegeta was getting really mad. "You choose a COUCH over me?!" Bulma looked away. "I forgot you were in here. I was taking care of our kid, you know...." Vegeta growled. "Bulma, you forgot about me?" She shook her head. "No. Not really. I just thought you might want a new couch." He banged his head against the bars. "Why me?" He said. "Why can't you be smart? Why?" He grabbed her red dress by the collar and jerked her up to the bars. "Listen, Bulma, If I dont get out of here in 2 minutes, I'm going to get VERY mean!" He said. "Can I have the couch?" Gus said. "Sure." Bulma said. "Not to Gus, I mean. I'll take the couch back, and pawn some things." "Not our T.V, not our bed, not our OLD couch. Pawn Kakarott's family." She shrugged. "I'll pawn whatever will sell. Well, I'll seeya later!" Vegeta stopped her. "What about my food? My breakfast?" She pulled out a Chick Fill A breakfast sandwich. "Here, honey. I gotta run. I hope I'll see you later. I'll try to get you out. Bye bye. Love you."  
  
Vegeta grunted in reply and she walked away. "Why did you get so mad?" Asked the man across the way. He sounded really young, and stupid by the question. "She bought us a new couch insted of saving up for 2 weeks to pay my bail." Vegeta growled. "So I got mad. Woulden't you?" The man shrugged. "What are you in here for?" Vegeta was embarrased. "Do I have to tell you that?" The guy nodded. "They caught me wasted because of some drugs Picollo had. I tried to blast them with a Ki Blast, and the fumes made me wasted. Picollo turned the story around and ratted out on me." "What do you mean by Ki Blast?" The Guy asked. Vegeta showed him a small Big Bang, which disentigrated the beds. Gus cried. "I can do that!" The man said. "Only I don't know why. But I get Skittles out of it! Wanna see?" Doofy was looking at Vegeta strangly. "Sure." Vegeta said. The man shot a small energy bomb. Vegeta countered with an Energy wave. "Pretty cool." Gus said. "Can you teach me how?" Vegeta and the guy ignored Gus. "Okay, guys!" Doofy said, unlocking Vegeta's cell. "Time to go out in the courtyard and pick up trash." He unlocked the guy's cell and led him, Vegeta and Gus out to a courtyard where people were dropping trash everywhere for them to pick up. "What do you mean you don't know why you do that?" vegeta asked the guy on the way out. "Didn't your Saiyan dad or mom teach you how to do it?" "What the F*ck is a saiyan?" The guy asked. "That's crazy talk. My dad's name was Raditz Son, and he got killed by a bear." Vegeta laughed. "Yeah, he got killed by someone like that." The guy looked sad. "I was just a baby. My mom was called Helga. She was having an affair with this guy named Kakarott.But he was not my dad." Vegeta slapped his knees and laughed. "Kakarott? I know him." The guys eyes got big. "You do? Well, could you take me to meet him?" Vegeta nodded. "But we have to bust out of this joint first." The guy nodded.  
  
Vegeta learned that the guy's name was Akurei, which is the japanese word for demon. They set up an elaborate plan to escape by them selves. It was so great and cunning nobody could stop it! It was the plan of the century! They were going to fly out. "Okay." Vegeta said, after they came in from trash pick up. "Here's what we do. Once the guards turn their heads, we go into Super Saiyan, which is when we turn blond headed. Anywayz, we fly as fast as we can." Akurei nodded. It was the next day. When Bulma came to visit, Vegeta introduced her to Akurei. "He's half Saiyan." Vegeta explained. "Like our son, Trunks." "You guys have a son?" Akurei said. "How cute!" Gus was crying because he was left out."Yeah, whatever. Bulma, me and Akurei are busting out. And we'll scare the cops so bad they won't come looking for us! Then, if they do, we'll work together and blast their @$$! "Be careful." She said. "Don't ruin your jail suit. You can wear it to church. Oh, and watch out for those shooty thingy's cops carry. And does this Akurei know how to fly?" (By the way, Akurei's name is pronounced Ah- Koor-Eye) Vegeta shrugged. "Do you?" Akurei shook his head. "I'm only 18, and I've been in either jail or Juvinile detention centers my whole life. My mom said it was because something was screwed up in my dads head and he was evil." Vegeta nodded. "Well, Bulma, go home and come back at around 12:00 noon. We'll fly out, dip down and grab you, then we'll be on our way. Okay?" She nodded. "Bye bye, Vegeta and Vegeta's new friend." She walked out. "Your MEAN to that lady." Akurei said. Vegeta shrugged. "What do you mean?" Akurei told him why he thought he was mean was because he grunted at her alot. "It's just because #1, It rained on our wedding day and ruined our cake, and she made me wear this dumb Tuxedo thing and when my hair got wet my hair jail ran down my back,#2 is because she waited to tell me she was pregnant in the middle of a fight with this dawg named Cell, and #3 because she thinks this jail suit looks good on me." Akurei shrugged. "Those don't sound like very good reasons. You should be nice to your wife. She cooks for you and cleans your house." Vegeta had never thought about that before. But thinking made his head hurt, so he changed the subject. "Yeah, well it's almost time for trash pickup."  
  
Later, it was time for Trash Pickup. Bulma had waved at Vegeta as she passed by the glass double doors on the way to the back. Vegeta had waved back. When Doofy stepped into the cell to get Vegeta and Akurei out, he was trembling awfully bad. Just for fun, Vegeta had lit a powerball on his hand and poofed it out again. Doofy made a strange noise and ran to hold the doors open because Their hads were cuffed and they coulden't open it themselves. "Freaks!" The guy said. They saw Bulma again through the courtyard window. Vegeta mouthed this at her:"Get behind the wall, you idiot woman whore! If they see you they'll know we're up to something, you stupid! Now go!" Bulma walked away sadly. "Be NICE to that lady!" Akurei said. Vegeta shrugged and remembered this: Flashback: "Do you take this *Thunder* Lady to be your lawfully wedded wife?" the preacher said. Thunder drowned out Vegeta's words and he had to repeat them. "I do." He mumbled. They were standing up on the preacher thing being married. Bulma's family was out in the audiance. "Do you take this*Lightning strikes Bulma's great grandmother*Man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "I do" "You may Kiss the Bride" *vegeta tries to Kiss her but rain is pouring down so hard her lips are all slippery and weird. Rain makes the hair jell in Vegeta's hair run over his face and back, and Bulma gets it in her eyes* Bulma wiped her eyes, and they ran into the cake table holding hands, bumping both their knees painfully. Bulma wiped hair jell out of her eyes and tried to smile as Vegeta slipped in his shiny black shoes under the table. After he got up and he was feeding Bulma the first bite of wedding cake, it got full of water and ran down her face in mush. She was still smiling. Then everyone was throwing rice at them. The floor was so slippery it was like ball bearings, and everyone was slipping. Vegeta fell down and bashed his head. "Ow." He said. Then BUlma threw her boquet. Chi Chi caught it and she was happy, but she was already married. Baby Trunks was screaming. He was only 1 month old. Vegeta and Bulma rushed into the Limosuine to go to their Honeymoon. The Car slipped on the way there and crashed, so they had to take a cab, in their wedding clothes. It was a terrible wedding, but Bulma liked it.End FlashBack: "That's why, okay?" Vegeta said. "We need to concentrate." Akurei didn't seem like he was concentrating. "That's not a good reason to be mean, Vegeta. She's your wife. Your lucky anybody wanted to marry you at all. And especially somebody that pretty." "I don't wanna talk about this Now!" Vegeta said. "There's bigger stuff! We can talk about MY PERSONAL LIFE later. Oh, and maybe you wanna hear about how my son got here in the process, while your invading my life!" Akurei was sad that he yelled at him. "Let's just go." He said. The cops were looking all around. "Okay, pretend like your picking up trash." Vegeta said. "Oh, and Whistle!" They started whistling and picking up trash. "Now!" vegeta said. The cops heads were turned. He powered up into super saiyan, and Akurei did the same. Now his hair looked the same, except blonde. Then they blasted off as fast as they could. The cops didn't know they were gone. Vegeta dove down sharply and grabbed Bulma by the arm and hoisted her up on his back. "Hiya." he said. "We made it, see?" Bulma looked down and saw the cops were now looking up at them. "Oh, I think they see us." She said. She waved at Doofy. He waved back. "Do you think they'll come after us?" Akurei asked. He was having trouble keeping up because he was new at this. "No." Bulma said. "If they saw what you guys can do." "They did." Vegeta said. "So I don't think we have to worry about them. I need a book." Akurei was amazed. "YOU like to READ?!" Vegeta nodded. "What's wrong with that? Some great things have been written! Try Cujo by Stephen King." He went into detail about the book,while Bulma told Akurei the book had freaked him out so bad he was afraid of Goku's family dog. "Speaking of Kakarott, where did they go when the cops raided the place?" Vegeta asked. He told Akurei the Sons were a family who could do what they could. "They went to this park over on the other side of town." Bulma said. "They told me to call them when we got home, and they would come. They also told me to let you know that Rex is in the back yard, not in the house." Vegeta sighed. "Thank god." He said. "That dog is evil." Vegeta flew Bulma into the window and threw her down on the bed, then he went around to the front door and opened it. By then she was in the kitchen making tea. Akurei flew in the door and made a horrible landing, and crashed into the fridge, breaking it. It was brand new. "That's okay!" Bulma said. "Since I didn't have to bail my Husband out of jail, then maybe I can afford a new one. And oh! We can keep the new couch!" Vegeta was pushing on the couch, seeing how springy it was. It was really comfy. "I'll call Goku and tell him we're back!" She said. Vegeta Ki Blasted the phone. "Can we just not tell them for a while?" he said. "It's nice and quiet." He turned on the T.V. "Not any more, it isn't." Bulma said.  
  
About 30 minutes later, Trunks came romping from his room to greet his father. "Hello, daddy!!" He said. "Who's this guy?" Akurei looked over at Trunks. "Hello, Vegeta's son. I think your name is Trunks? I'm Akurei, a half Sayain like you. So, Vegeta, what are you waiting for? Greet your son!" Vegeta looked over at Trunks. "Hi, Son." He said plainly. Akurei was suprised. "Vegeta! You haven't seen your son in 2 days and all you do is, 'hi son'. if he were my son, i'd be hugging and kissing him!!" Trunks looked up at Vegeta. Akurei grabbed Vegeta's arm and drug him into the kitchen. "That's your son! Why are you so mean to him?" Vegeta looked away. "Well, don't tell but......." He sighed. "I always wanted a little girl so she woulden't have to fight and I wouldent be afraid of her dying. When Trunks was born, I was disappointed. And then, Bulma woulden't name him Vegeta. That name has been in my royal family forever." Vegeta was really upset. But Akurei didn't really care. He just told Vegeta to be nicer, and Vegeta went back into the living room. Trunks was sitting between Vegeta and Bulma, eating a bowl of chips. Akurei looked out in the back yard. He saw Rex, the dog out there. Rex was barking and growling at a cat. "Hey, can I let the dog in?" Akurei said. "I really love dogs." Bulma looked at Vegeta. "Vegeta, pull your legs up on the couch and Rex can't touch you. He's trained not to get on furniture." Vegeta pulled his legs up on the couch, rudely putting them in Trunks and Bulma's laps. Bulma just stared at his dirty feet in her lap and sighed. Her red dress was being ruined. Akurei opened the door, and Rex ran with a panting tongue to greet him. But the moment he saw Akurei, he lunged and barked and growled, trying to tear him apart. He closed his teeth around Akurei's arm and bark and gnashed at it, ripping flesh. "Ow, ow ow!" He said. Rex raced into the house, and looked like he was scared! To Veget's horror, he jumped up in Bulma's lap, where his feet were! Vegeta jerked his feet away and flew into the air. Bulma pushed Rex off the couch, and he ran into the bathroom. "I thought you said he woulden't get on the couch." Vegeta said, sarcasticly. Bulma shrugged."He looked scared of Akurei." She said. Trunks was sniffling because his chips got knocked over. They left big greasy spots on his pants. Akurei came in. "Ow! My arm! That sog is savage!" Bulma shook her head. "Rex normally likes people, unless they're mean." She said. She looked at Akurei really strangly. "I wonder why he did that." Vegeta landed back on the couch and stared. Picollo burst in the front door. "What are you doing here? Shoulden't you guys be in jail? I mean, I did frame you! I was coming here to rob you blind. Geez, bad luck today." And he walked out.  
  
Rex was back outside and Akurei's arm was bandaged. Trunks had a new bowl of chips and Vegeta's feet were in the floor. It was getting rather dark outside. "Well, Bulma, I think I'm going to bed." Vegeta said. He was just going to go there but he knew Akurei was going to give a lecture if he didn't show a little PDA(Public Display of Affection) Even if he only liked doing it in private. "Come up later, Okay?" He said, and he gave Bulma a kiss goodnight and Trunks too. Then he walked into his room. "God, Mom! Is dad dying?" Trunks asked. Bulma shook her head. "I don't know, but I'm, scared too." Akurei just looked. "Oh, I told him that he should be nice." Akurei said. "I mean, you may not be around forever, so I told him he should take advantage of the time he has with you guys." Bulma raised an eyebrow. "We're used to things the way they are, but I appreciate it, I think." She said. Then she went back to watching her T.V show. Rex was raising H*ll outside. "Stupid Cats!" Bulma growled, and turned the T.V up. Picollo entered 2 more times to try and rob them. Meanwhile, Vegeta was having trouble getting to sleep. It was only 8:15 by the way. So he took out the book he was reading. The Green Mile By Stephen KIng(Can you tell I'm a Stephen King Fan? There's a movie of the green mile too. Its about a guy who can heal people, and a mouse named Mr. Jingles. John, the healer, is framed for a crime he didn't do and all this other stuff. It's a good book. Read it or watch it) The book was really touching to Vegeta. He was at the part where Eduard Delicrouix (Prounonced Ed-oo-ard Del-i-cwar, He's French. He owns the mousy. He's my favorite, and he dies pretty horribly) get's burned alive because the jerk Percy forgets to wet the sponge in the electric chair. It was disturbing to Vegeta, but he kept reading and reading all the way  
  
D  
  
O  
  
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N Until it was about 11:15. Bulma came in at that time. "Hi!" She said. "Watcha reading?" He lifted up the book and grunted like Oscar the grouch. "Is it good?" He grunted again. "Whats it--" "IM TRYING TO READ HERE!!" Vegeta roared at the top of his lungs. "CAN'T A MAN GET A LITTLE PEACE IN HIS OWN HOUSE?! YOUR LIKE A BROKEN RECORD!" He didn't look up, but he saw Bulma's eyes tear up and she took a pillow and gown and went out. He wondered why she did that.  
  
About 30 minutes later, Vegeta went to see why Bulma hadn't come back. He thought she went to clean a stain off the pillow with her nightgown(Pretty stupid, huh?)but she didn't. All the lights in the living room and the T.V was off. Akurei was sleeping at the lookout, so he wasn't there. Rex was sleeping next to the couch. and on the couch was Bulma, fast asleep. When Vegeta stepped by the couch to wake Bulma, Rex lifted his head up and looked at Vegeta. Vegeta lured Rex over to the kitchen with a treat and shut him in the pantry because he was afraid. Bulma was sleeping on the new couch bed. "She'd rather sleep with the DOG than me." Vegeta said to himself. He sighed and went back to his room, and turned out the lights and went to sleep, all by himself unless a peeping tom was watching and that would be sick so one wasn't. 


	7. Vegeta and Bulma's little fight Vegeta g...

Chapter 7 *I apologize if this chappie sucks! this is kinda a serious one, but i tried to make it funny! Forgive me, it'll get better! Oh, and someone told me to email them whose email adress was Slytherin something? It woulden't let me, but thanks for everyone's reveiws!  
  
It was morning, and the dog was raising heck again. And it was only 6:00 AM, so that was pretty annoying. Vegeta drug himself out of bed. His head hurt from reading so long last night. He was about to look over and ask his wife for an advil, but he remembered she wasn't there. Last night the situation had made him mad. But now it made him sad. He decided to go and ask Bulma why she was sleeping on the couch. So he walked into the living room. She was still sleeping on the couch bed, but Rex was still in the kitchen. Raising heck. "Bulma." Vegeta whispered. She didn't stir. He was about to go back into his room until she woke up, but he didn't want Trunks to be around when they talked. "Bulma!" He said, louder. Her eyes popped open, but she closed them again. "It's 6 AM and I don't feel like talking to YOU, Vegeta." Bulma said, rudely. Vegeta was phased. The only thing she'd ever called him that was that mean was ugly, and she didn't really mean that. "Please?" He said. "Or is the--" He was going to make a remark about PMS, but he decided he should wait until another fight. "I mean, why not? What did I do?" Bulma sighed. "Well, since you won't leave me alone, I'll tell you. It's because I was coming to talk to you last night about what Akurei said. It had some point to it. And then when you yelled at me for hardly any reason at all, I relized that what he said is true. You do treat me and Trunks like we're at your disposal, like your not the one that chose to marry ME, when let me remind you that you proposed to me because guys proposing to girls is sick! And I accepted because I LOVED you, and you act like I had to." "What a GREAT speech!" Vegeta said. "While your at it, you can yell at me for leaving my pants in the floor! I don't treat you like trash! If I do, it's good trash, not like the trash those stupid office people throw away!" Vegeta knew this conversation was getting dangerously close to a conversation about how office people don't throw away useless trash. "Let's talk about this LATER!" Bulma said. "I'm so mad at you, I could beat you up! And at 1:00 this afternoon, I'm calling Goku and Chi Chi and they're coming back. Now let the dog outside!" Bulma ran into their room and slam/locked the door. Vegeta was freaked.  
  
"Hi guys!" Akurei said as he walked through the door. "Are we going to go train in the gravity room today like you said we are? I need to get strong fast!" Vegeta sighed. "Why? There's no big enemy." Akurei hesitated. "because I wanna be as strong as you are!" "That will never happen, but you can try." Vegeta said. Though Akurei's ki was pretty strong. About as strong as Freiza's, but now Freiza was chopped liver compared to the Z fighters. "I have to ask Trunks if he wants to come." Vegeta said. "If I don't, I'll get another lecture from Bulma. Oh,that reminds me. YOU took the liberty of telling my wife I treat her like trash." Vegeta was sounding bored. "I did." Akurei said, getting defensive. "And you do." Vegeta was P*ssed. He growled deeply. Bulma burst out of the room. "Hello, Akurei!" She said cheerfully. She glared at Vegeta with such a horrible look he almost fell over. "I-I'm just gonna go ask Trunks if he wants to come." Vegeta said, and he raced upstairs to Trunks' room. Bulma looked outside and saw that the doggy was not there. "VEGETA!" She roared. "I told you to put the dog out!" Trunks was standing at the foot of the stairs with a backpack. "What's wrong, mommy?" He asked. "Are you mad at daddy?" Bulma's eyes got wide, to vegeta's delight. Mayve she would say sorry when she saw it was affecting their son. "Trunks, I'm just a little mad at daddy." Bulma said. "I'm not leaving or anything." Trunks nodded. "Bye, Mommy." Bulma let Rex out herself. As Rex waddled out, he was growling. He was staring maliciously at Akurei. "He doesn't like you." Trunks said. Akurei nodded. "Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Let' s go!" He said. Vegeta flew down the stairs. He mumbled bye to Bulma so quietly he wasn't sure she could tell what it was.  
  
Later, after a day of relentless training, they came back. They had set the gravity room to 500 to start out with, which is what Vegeta never trained on. It was too weak. Akurei could take that pretty well, so Vegeta set it to 1000, what he had trained on when fighting Freiza. Akurei had a little trouble, but recovered soon, so Vegeta set it to 1500, what he had trained on in the Cell saga.(Vegeta at this time trained at 2000)Akurei coulden't take 1500, so they set it to what Freiza could have taken, which was 1200. Akurei did great on that one. So thats what they had stuck too. Vegeta had won all their spar battles, but they let Trunks win two. Akurei told them not to hold back on him, so he didn't win any fights. When they got back, it was like 5:00 PM. "Mommy, mommy, mom-" Trunks said. He had romped into the house. Rex was in the house, and that was unusual. Bulma only put Rex in when she was gone. "Daddy, mommy's not here." Trunks said. "Do you think it's because of your fight?" Vegeta shook his head, because he didn't. He went to the refrigerator. Just like always, there was a note. Vegeta and Trunks: I went to the grocery store, because we were out of milk and dog food. I'll be back later. Make sure you give Rex some water! Bulma Vegeta showed the note to Trunks. "See? She'll be back." But something bothered Vegeta. he stared at the end of the note. The notes she left were ususally followed by a LUL(Luv u lots) or something like that. But this one had nothing. But it was on pink paper!!!!=) "Mommy NEVER uses pink paper." Trunks said. "I'm worried, daddy." Vegeta dialed Bulma's cell number and handed the phone to Trunks. "Here. Talk to mommy, but don't hang up." Trunks took the phone. "Hi mommy! We're fine." Trunks said, and he romped up to his room. Akurei was on the couch with a gay look in his eyes. He was looking at Vegeta. Vegeta shot the dog in the butt so it ran outside, and he filled a bowl full of water and threw it through the window. He was mad. Vegeta thougt of something. "Kakarott!" He said. But Trunks had the phone! "There's some people in the park." Vegeta said to Akurei. One is an ugly woman. She has a really big chin and a flat nose. Then there's a little boy. He's wearing and orange suit, he's four and he's really annoying, and there's a guy. Kakarott has ugly hair and his voice sounds like a woman hitting puberty. Go find them and tell them to come to the house, okay?" Akurei did just that. Trunks came back in with the phone. "Here daddy." Vegeta took the phone. "Hi." Vegeta said plainly. Bulma didn't say anything. "Did you give the dog any water?" She asked. "Yes, I did what you told me to." Vegeta said. He was trying to keep his temper in check. "Well I'm on my way home. We can talk about this later, okay?" Vegeta didn't think she was worth answering right now. "Okay?" "Okay.Bye, Bulma." "Bye Vegeta." "NO Vegeta hung up. He was so mad he could scream. So he screamed and broke the lamp. Then he picked up the peices because he didn't want one to get stuck in his sock.  
  
Vegeta was still screaming, and Trunks was watching, and Rex was howling, when Akurei, Goku, Chi Chi and Goten came in. Goten went up immediatly to Trunks' room,and Chi Chi went to do laundry. It was Vegeta, Goku and Akurei. "It was um....Nice meeting you." Goku said to Akurei. "I'll be seeing you."  
  
"Not if I see you first." Goku shrugged, and Akurei waved to Vegeta and flew out. Goku sighed. "Vegeta, this man was a convict in jail, right?" He asked. "Yes....." Vegeta said. "Well, did you ever find out what his crime was?" Vegeta thought about that. "No Kakarott, but is it that important do you think?" "Yeah. I think it's really important! He just popped out of the blue. If we know what he did, it will be easier to tell him past. Like if he was caught with a girl under 21, we'll know he's good in bed!" Goku had a dreamy look in his eyes(Sorry for that comment, I like Goku, but I coulden't help it). "Why would we want to know that?" Vegeta asked through narrowed eyes. "Umm.....so we could...uh, Keep him away from Chi Chi and Bulma?" Vegeta nodded slowly. He thought Kakarott was being suspiciously weird acting. Vegeta came in with some grocerys. Goku and Vegeta helped her put them down. "I'm going back into our room to....watch T.V." Bulma told Vegeta and she went up the stairs. Goku was weirded out. "That was strange." He said. "Are you fighting?" Vegeta nodded. "Yes, but I didn't start it." Vegeta said, reying to be quiet. "YES YOU DID!" Bulma roared from upstairs. "No I didn't!" Vegeta countered. "Yes you did!" "No I didn't!" "Yes you did!" "NO I DIDN'T!!" "YES YOU DID!!" "NO I DIDN'T!!" Vegeta stormed up into the room, and Goku could hear them yelling at eachother. "Your stupid!" Bulma yelled, and she threw a teddy bear at him. He floated up and dodged it. "Your a whore!" He said. But he didn't throw anything. Bulma started to cry. "Your mean!" She said, and she threw a vase full of red roses at him. He dodged it again."Calm down and stop throwing things!" He said, trying to keep his voice down. "No!" She said. "You don't tell me what to do!" And she threw a picture of him, her and Trunks playing in a park when Trunks was two. They were all smiling. The portrait cracked against the wall. "That was our family portrait!" Vegeta whispered. He was P*ssed. "Why are you doing this?" He tryed to look pitiful and babyish. "Your act won't work on ME!" Bulma screamed, and she threw her red high heel shoe right at Vegeta's little face. It hit him in the forehead and left a big red spot!! "Ouch!" He said. "That really hurt! Stop it!" She threw pillows and things at him. "Stop stop stop!" He yelled. But she continued. His anger built and built. Then finally, he snapped. As he powered up, and orange aura and a huge wind threw Bulma back 3 steps. He was screaming. "Stop it you man whore!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. Vegeta threw her on the bed with a wave of his hand. "You shut your nagging mouth!" Vegeta yelled. "Because if you don't, I'll be really angry!" Bulma was looking at him menacingly. She crossed her arms. "Now can we talk like--*Hack* *Cough* *Cough Cough* *Gack!*--Civilized people?" He grabbed at his throat. "Hm. Are you okay?" Bulma asked meanly. "I think so." Vegeta said. "My throat is really hurting lately. Anyway, let's talk about this." Vegeta sat down on the bed next to Bulma. "While your at it you might as well put on some malodramatic music." Bulma said, very hatefully. Vegeta tried not to let that bother him.  
  
"Gosh, They've been up there for a while." Goku said to Chi Chi. Chi Chi was ironing Goku's shirts. "Well, thats none of our buisness." Chi Chi said in her annoying whiny voice. Rex's chew toy squeaked because he was chewing on it. Goten and Trunks were in the corner playing because it was getting to loud in Trunks' room. "Vrrrroooom!" Trunks said, imitating a car's sound. He drove it down a chalk line, a 'road'.Then he ran it over Goten's toe. Goten howled with pain. "Cool!" Trunks said. "Instead of stripping old asphalt off a road, my car strips old skin off Goten! Goku and Chi Chi thought he was so disgusting.  
  
Vegeta's voice was going. It was getting lower and lower....he sounded like an old man suffering from hemeroids! "Anyway....."He said, then he coughed. "I'm sorry if I treat you like trash but sometimes you act like a little kid." He coughed 3 times, lamely. "Well, thats not my problem!" She said. "Not my fault. If I did what you wanted me to all the time, I'd be just as BORING as you are!" "I'm not boring!" He said. "Your just a spoiled brat! You lived rich all your life and your parents gave you every little thing you want. They probley even payed for you a man whore when you got bored!"  
  
Bulma's eyes widened. "Don't jump on ME for being rich!" She said. "Your a PRINCE. You were 10 times richer than I was." "If you don't RECALL, when I was like 14, Freiza killed my dad, and my dad was the king, meaning he was what made me a prince, meaning my money diappeared!" Bulma didn't wanna seem stupid. "I may have a solution!" She said, suddenly happy sounding. "Since you say I buy things too much..." "You do." Vegeta said. "Remember our new couch? While I was in JAIL?"  
  
'Shuddap! My point is, I could give you all my paychecks this month! So, for the entire month, you decide what we buy!" "I like that Idea!" Vegeta said. "But why would you want to do that?"  
  
"Just to experiment, you know? Because Iv'e always been the one who chooses what to buy. And oh, the one with the money does the shopping. Sorry!" Vegeta growled. "Alright, we can start tomarrow. You get payed, right?" Bulma nodded. Then Vegeta and Bulma did the 'married people thing'. You know what I mean?  
  
It was morning. Bulma had handed Vegeta a white, beautiful paycheck for 2,000 a week. But Bulma had gotten a bonus because it was her birthday next week."Okay!" Bulma said. "Now let's go shopping, just to see how you do!" So they did. They strolled down the street, hand in hand, looking through shop windows. Vegeta saw something Trunks would like. "Oh look!" He said. "It's that video game Trunks wants. The one where the dinosaur rips out the pedestrian's intestines and uses them to spell 'Game over'? Bulma made a horrible face. "As WONDERFUL as that sounds, I'm not sure we should buy that unless Trunks plans on never eating again. C'mon! Let's go." Vegeta was mad, but they walked a little further down the street. Vegeta saw a few things he would like, mostly rated 'R' comedy and horror movies. But he only bought 1, Scream 3. Him and Bulma both liked it. Then Bulma saw it. They were a PRETTY pair of red high heeled shoes with sequins on them. They were shiny and adorable, MUDD brand. "Please Vegeta!" Bulma said. "Please! I'll wear them every day and every night to bed! Please?" Vegeta looked up at her.(Yes, Bulma is an inch taller than Vegeta, Ha ha)"No." He said. "Those shoes are 250 dollars because of this overpriced store. With the grocery's, bills and everything else, we cannot afford them." Bulma was mad. "But It's my birthday next monday, Vegeta! 3 days! Please!!" "You know I don't buy birthday presents." Vegeta said. "It's a stupid money waster. I can't beleive you'd even ask." There he went, being an @$$ again. Bulma pouted for a while. She wished they'd never made that stupid agreement. Vegeta started coughing in ugly, terrible, painful sessions. They ripped at his chest and stomach. He sounded like a barking dog. "Vegeta, are you okay?" Bulma asked. But really she was thinking about the coughing fit as a cruel punsihment for not letting her have her shoes. A part of her hated a part of him for it. She really wanted those shoes, but she knew Vegeta would never get them for her! "Yes, I'm fine." Vegeta said. "But god, that hurts." Bulma was very concerned. "Maybe a trip to Dr. FagFace's?" Vegeta's eyes widened. "No way! You can tell he wants to get in your pants! Or up your dress, or whatever." Bulma thought Dr. Fagface was an old nerd. She wasn't interested. "Dam*! I itch, too." Vegeta said. His whole body itched. Bulma's cell phone rang. "Yeah, hello?" It was Goku. "Hey, Bulma, It's me. I just wanted to tell you that your son has this weird rash! Looks kinda like indian desighns!"  
  
"I'll be there." Bulma said. She let go of Vegeta's hand. "Obviously, your contagious." She said. Vegeta was offended. "Your treating me like a monster!" He stuck out his bottom lip again. When he coughed, bloody spit hit the pavement. "We should go home." Bulma said. "Before you cough bloody spit on my dress." She gave one final goodbye to her dream shoes and they left.  
  
When they got back, Akurei was there. He was sitting at the kitchen table with some roses in his hand. "These are for you!" He said, and he gave them to Bulma. "Thanks I think." She said. "What are they for?" "No reason." Akurei said. "Just because." And he flashed his P.O.D handsome smile. Bulma stared at him awkwardly. Vegeta coughed bloody spit on his face, but he kept his smile. Goku ran over to Vegeta. "Trunks is in bed. He's doing okay, no fever or anything. He just looks like indian desighns and he's coughing." "Go get into bed, Vegeta!" Bulma ordered. "But I refuse to give you advil until you give me my red shoes!" Vegeta didn't even need any advil. "I don't need to go to bed." Vegeta said. "I need to train. And who gave you those flowers? Yamcha?" Bulma shook her head. "No, this dude." vegeta shrugged. "GO TO BED." Bulma ordered strictly. Vegeta tromped upstairs and pulled the Martha Stuart comforter up over his head. Bulma came in. "I'm a disgrace!" He said. "Nobody loves me! I'm a punk!" Bulma was freaked. "Thats not true. Where did you get a crazy idea like that?" Vegeta sobbed then coughed. "I read this book called THE CAT IN THE HAT by some dude named Doctor Suess." Bulma rolled her eyes. "Now Dr. Seuss books make you weird? I don't know what to do with you, Vegeta." She handed him a book called 'War and Peace'. It was like......1500 pages long. "By the time your done reading this, you'll be able to get out of bed. I just want you to rest." "It's only noon!" vegeta whined. But Bulma clicked on the bedside lamp and turned off the bedroom light. She turned on the T.V, then she went out. She needed to go see Trunks. Trunks was playing with his dinosaur toys in bed. He ripped the head off his rhino doll and played like it was an indian sacrifice. "Did you eat anything funny?" Bulma asked. "Kill stupid lady!" Trunks said, making the voice of a tribe member action figure. He threw a sharp plastic spear at her, and it stuck in her eye. With a plastic spear in her eye, she asked him why he was sick. "I don't know, stupid lady." Trunks said. "Go out. My next spear is aimed for the holes in your nose!" He launched a plastic spear and it bounched off her forhead. "Stop it." She said. Trunks didn't. "This ones aimed for a very unpleasant area!" He said, and shot it. It bounced off her right thigh, missing. Bulma decided to give up. "Fine, whatever." She took the spear out of her eye and threw it at Trunks.  
  
Bulma went into the living room. Akurei was watching a perverted channel. He turned it quickly. "Hi." He said. "Come watch with me!" It was on the history channel. "If I wanted to watch that I would go and watch it with my husband." She said. Akurei was sad. "Did you like my roses?" "Oh, I put them out in Rex's dog house so it will smell fresh." She said. "I love things that smell good." Akurei was hurt about the doghouse, but now he had an idea. "I hafta go!" He said, and he dashed out of the house. "That was weird." Bulma said. She went back into her room. Vegeta was watching T.V . "Your back." He said. He was laying at a strange angle across the bed. "Move so I can get in. " Bulma said. "No!" Vegeta said. "I find this position.....Very comfortable!" He fake smiled. "Your stupid." Bulma said. "Let me in!" Vegeta shook his head. "No! Sit in the floor!" Bulma shoved Vegeta off the bed. A stream of water from the water bed hit her in the face. Her mascara ran.  
  
Later, about two days so, Vegeta and Trunks indian desighns faded and went away. They were happy, happy, happy. But Bulma ended up having to take up her son's toys. Vegeta was lounging on the couch, watching a retarded movie called 'Jonah-A Veggie Tales Movie' because Trunks wanted to, when Bulma ran in sobbing. Vegeta hopped up. "Oh no, Trunks!" He said. "It's her hormonal time of month!" They dove behind the couch. "It's not that!" Bulma sighed. "Much, much worse!" "Your mother was diagnosed with cancer?" Vegeta asked, hopefully. His toes were crossed. "No." Bulma said. "MUCH more dreadful." "Ummmm.......Goku was diagnosed with cancer?" Vegeta asked, even more hopefully. "No. Much worse." Vegeta was just starting to think this could be great, when she told them. "Someone bought my shoes!" She screamed. Trunks hugged her. "It's okay, mommy. They were only shoes." Vegeta shrugged. "Who would have? They were ugly. I'll bet that someone just gave them to goodwill." Bulma was sobbing. There hole house was full of flowers that Akurei gave them. Goku wheeled his wheelchair in.  
  
"Hey guys! What happened? Does Mrs. Breifs have cancer? I hope, I hope...."  
  
"It's not that!" Bulma wailed. "My shoes were bought by some rich snob!" She sniffled and blew green snot. "It's like that one time me and mommy were in the park." Trunks said. Flashback: It was in summer, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was slightly windy. Bulma was pushing her young 4 year old son on the swings, when an old perv whistled at her. She turned around in fury. The wooden swing, going at it's greatest speed, wizzed down and smashed her on the kidneys. Bulma thought they had exploded, but in reality a large purple swell was there. Bloody spit strung from her mouth and stuck to her lip as she fell to the ground. Her son was kicking and laughing. She raised her head up, but the wooden swimg smashed the back of her neck, whipping it back painfully. It hit her in the ear, forehead, and fingers before she got away*End Flashback* Bulma frowned. "Why is this like that?" "Because you were crying alot.' Trunks said. Vegeta walked away. "Yall people are weird! I'm going to make me a sandwich! "He stalked toward the kitchen, and Goku followed. Vegeta's stomach was hurting VERY bad. he suspected it was hunger, so he was going to the kitchen to fix that problem. Goku babbled at him as he built ingrediants onto the bread and mayo. When it was done, it was the finist sandwich ever. He was just about to raise it to his lips, when he threw the sandwich right at Goku. It smacked him in the forhead. "I appreciate you being so generous," Goku said, biting it, "But next time, give it to me gentler. " He looked at Vegeta. Vegeta was doubled over. "Whats wrong?" Goku asked. Vegeta grunted. "Nothing serious!" He said, but he sounded labored. "My stomach is exploding, but no, no need to get anyone!" Goku let air out. "Good. I thought it WAS serious." Vegeta growled beneath all his heavy breathing. "get somebody, you f*cking idiot!" Goku wheeled into the living room. "Yo Bulma. vegeta's all doubled over. Something's wrong." Bulma ran into the kitchen, as Goku bit the sanwich. "Whats wrong." Bulma said, boringly. "The attentions not on you, so you pull a stunt like this?" Vegeta barfed on her shoes.  
  
Vegeta woke up hours later in a local hospital. A doctor he knew but didn't love was bent over him shining a light in his eye. Doctor Fagface!! "Oh hi Vegeta!" He said. "Looks like I have the upper hand, seeing how your bedridden! I hope you don't mind if I take your wife! Dr. Fagface grabbed Bulma. They jumped in a red car and sped of, and then.... Vegeta woke up. He was breathing hard. He was in a hospital bed with a lady doctor bent over him. "He's awake." She said. She was big and fat and had on gold earrings. Or supposed to look like gold. vegeta could plainly see they were costume jewelry. His wife loved jewelry, so he could tell real gold from fake. "Will you get away from me? You breath could sink 1,000 ships." Vegeta said. "What am I doing here?" He looked around, and tried to sit up, but a pain ripped through his lower body. "What's wrong?" He asked. "Am I on the Twilight Zone? Or Candid Camera?"  
  
He was starting to freak out, when he saw a familier face. It was Goku!! "Kakarott!" He said."Save me!" The doctors backed away as Goku wheeled closer. "Oh hi! Your awake. Bulma went to buy some gifts." "Gifts?" Vegeta asked. "What kinds of 'gifts'? What are 'gifts'?" "Presents." Goku said. "You know like at Christmas?" Vegeta nodded. "What am I doing in here?" He asked. Goku shrugged. "I can't remember, but your in pretty deep Sh*t. You could die." "Saiyans should not die unless they die in battle!" Vegeta said. "If I die from sickness, that means I'm weak!" Goku shook his head. "I'm full blooded saiyan and I'm in a wheelchair." Vegeta thought a moment. But Kakarot's horrible burns were getting alot better. Trunks romped in. "Daddy!" He yelled. Vegeta had gotten used to thew dinosaur now. "Hi Kid." Vegeta said. "Where's my presents?" Trunks hopped on the bed. "Mommy and me got you lots of stuff because we want you to get better."  
  
Bulma came in. "I'd better leave you guys alone." Goku said, and he wheeled out. Bulma told him bye. Vegeta noticed Bulma was wearing worn tennis shoes with her red dress and yellow scarf. "Where's your shoes?" He asked her. "You puked on them, remember?" She asked grimly. "These are my only shoes." But she brightened up. "I decided paying your hospital bill is more important than shoes, because your managing the money right now." She set on the bed beside him. "But the doctors say you'll be here for a while, so I bought you some stuff to make it more homey." She pulled out a wall clock that made owl noises every hour. "I really like owls, and owls can brighten up a room! So, I got this for you!" She mounted it on the wall. "Oh, joy, isn't it pleasntly annoying." Vegeta mumbled. The owl on the clock looked crosseyed. Bulma reached into the bag again, and pulled out a doll of an alligator. It was a beany baby. "I was hoping you woulden't want it and give it to me." She said. "I don't have him yet." She dusted it off. "Yeah....take it." He offered. "I hope you brought me some decent food." She nodded. "It's Spaghetti O's!" She plopped them into a bowl and shoved it right in front of him. The smell made him cringe. They were still fairly in the shape of the can. "I suppose you were hoping I would give these to you also?" He asked. Bulma guiltily nodded. He shoved the bowl over. Then he banged his head down on the pillow, where it sank deeply. Bulma picked a noodle out of his hair. "Let's watch cartoons!" Trunks said. "Let's not." Vegeta said. "How could things get any worse?" Mr. and Mrs. Breifs walked in. "no!" Vegeta said. "No, No no! Go away! Leave! Now!" Mrs. Breifs had a HUGE vase of flowers. "How ya doin', Vegeta dear?" She asked in her ANNOYING redneck voice. "I'm FINE!" Vegeta said, imitating the way she sounded. "Now that you've brought me my candy, go away and suck a pig."  
  
They ignored. "Hi mommy! Hi daddy!" Bulma said. She was the only one in the room happy. "How are you doing, Trunks?" Mrs. Breaifs asked. "Better than you'll ever be, you old lump of lard." He replied. She looked offended. Trunks's arms were crossed and he looked suprisingly like his father. Vegeta laughed derisivly at Mrs. Breifs as she slapped his son across the face. A big purple handprint appeared. Bulma was ticked. "Mother, you whore! " She shouted. She twisted Mrs. Breifs arm and body slammed her. She bashed her head with the owl clock. It went,'hoohoo'. Mrs. Breifs was lying, groaning on the floor. "Now YOU need a hospital!" She said, and she spat in her mother's hair. "Your horrible!" Mrs. Breifs said. "Shut up before I tell dad about Frank! Oh, and Jack. And Charlie, he was the most serious one. But Jack was the hottest." Mr. Breifs decided they better leave now, so he drug her out. " God they're annoying." Vegeta said. Then a fresh bout of pain made him bend over. "Ow." He said, rubbing his belly. He was wearing a paper hospital gown, and his stomach looked swollen. But still not fat. Bulma took off her tennis shoes and put them down. "God those shoes simply KILL my poor feet." She said. Vegeta bucked his head into the bed. "It's not fair. I don't even know whats wrong." He complained. "Goku didn't tell you?" Bulma wanted to know." Well, you have this sickness called Appendicitus. Apparently, the rash and fever were sighns of it we ignored, so your appendix are so close to rupturing they can't operate because it might cause them to. If they rupture--" She giggled. "You could DIE." Vegeta's eyes widened. "I'm too young to die! I have too many goals!" "What are they?" Bulma asked. You never told me." Vegeta shrugged. "Forget it. I'm going to sleep." And he rolled over. "Not now, pal. The doctor says they are going to try to operate." Vegeta's eyes got wide. "But I thought you said that an operation would kill me?"  
  
Bulma looked worried. "There' s about a 50/50 chance." She said. Vegeta groaned hopelessly. "Well, that means I'm gone. I don't have a lick of good luck." Bulma ignored that comment. "They'll come to get you about midnight." She said. Vegeta shivered the room was suddenly very cold. He picked up a book and began to read, ignoring what it said. Trunks hopped up beside him." Daddy, whats this book about?" He asked. "Is it like the book called 'where did I come from' you read me?" Bulma giggled. "No." She said."The one daddy is reading is different." "But don't adults like all that 'where did I come from' stuff?" Trunks asked. Bulma and Vegeta looked at eachother. "Um, not the reading about it part." "What is that supposed to mean?" Trunks inquired. "Well, let's just say DOING is more effective than reading." Vegeta offered. Trunks still didn't understand. "I'm going to take pictures of the bums in the courtyard." Trunks said. Goku shouted outside the door. "I wanna go!" he said. Trunks and Goku raced down the hall. That was one of their favorite sports. If you threw the bums a cheeto, they would follow you around like puppies. Chi Chi stormed in. She was so mad she looked like a pig. "I get stuck with that fat@$$ and you get to marry prince charming! Literally!" She said. She hated Goku, and was probably 3 way cheating. Vegeta was still all shivery. "It's cold." He said. "And I don't want them to cut me. I like my stomach! I'll have a big old scar after that." He sighed. "It will be so low down your underwear will cover it up. Don't worry." Bulma said. Then her eyes turned evil. "But if you die, and leave me to raise a five year old child, I'll DANCE on your grave. Dance, Dance, Dance!" Vegeta thought she was joking, so he offered a smile. She stared at him grimly. "I mean it, Vegeta. I'll buy some tap shoes and hire a pianist and dance on your grave." Now Vegeta was sure she was serious. He nodded. "Don't worry about me. I won't die. I hope, I hope." It was 9:00. But something in Vegeta's mind told him his hours were numbered. to 3.  
  
Now it was 11:00. Bulma was asleep on the couch thingy they keep in hospital rooms. It didn't look comfortable. Her neck and head were hanging off the side. Vegeta stared into the shadows. Everything was scary in a hospital . The baloon the Drs gave him was floating around in circles, but for some reason it was creepy. The T.V made a pretty ugly shadow. The curtains was the worst. It was big and huge. Vegeta kept expecting to roll over and be staring into the face of a corpse. He slowly turned over on the bed. The springs slightly creaked as he pushed his hands over. His eyelids were squeezed tightly. Slowly, but surely, he opened them, and he found himself..... Staring into the eyes of a woman! She was terrifying! She was horrible! She was--Bulma. "What the hank are you doing in my bed!" Vegeta screamed. You scared the heck out of me!" He was breathing hard, causing his stomach to churn. "I got scared of the dark." She said. "And I thought maybe if a monster attacked you would protect me." Vegeta rolled his eyes. "I'm going into emergancy surgery in an hour. Do you think I could protect you?" Bulma was silent. "Well, your crowding me." Vegeta said. "At home, it's fine that you sleep by me, but this bed is so small that I--" She rolled off and fell flat on her face. When she got up, she was laughing. "What did you do that for?" Vegeta asked. "well," Bulma said, "I relized how high the bed was from the floor. And I thought, it'd be fun to fall from this height." She rubbed her forehead. "But you know something? That hurt!" She went back over to the couch and layed down. Vegeta was thinking she was either on drugs, or worried crazy about him. Either way, it was a really annoying change.  
  
Now it was 11:52. Vegeta was shaking all over. "Bulma." He said. She jerked awake. "What is it, dear? I was sleeping." "I know and I'm sorry." Vegeta said. "But I can't help thinking I have 30 mintutes to live." Bulma came and sat on the bed. "You need your sleep, darling. You'll be tired in the morning." Vegeta shifted his eyes. "But Bulma, I'm going to die in there!" She shook her head. "That's crazy talk!!" She shouted. The guy who had the bed behind The curtain(The things in hospitals that serperate the rooms in japan) jumped up. He had heart problems, and Bulma's yelps had been to much for him. He keeled over and died. Paramedics came in and took his body away. Vegeta relized something terrible. DEATH WAS SCARY!!! The last time he had died,he'd known they could bring him back. So it wasn't scary. And, he didn't have a family to worry about. Just a lady he thought was hot(Bulma. Remember? Freiza killed him). "I'm going to die!" He said. "What if I go down there?! I might go to heck!" Tears came out of his eyes. "Your not going to die." Bulma said. "You'll be just fine.....Justt....finnnnee." She fell asleep, but came back awake. "Your tired." Vegeta said. "Go back to sleep." A doctor pushed the door open. He had a clipboard. He saw Vegeta crying and Bulma's eyelids kept lowering. "Okay, Mr. Breifs." He said. Two other doctors, wheeling a stretcher came in. Vegeta shook his head. "No!" He cried. Bulma held him down. "Vegeta, you won't die." She said. "You'll be just fine." "Don't let these men take me!" Vegeta said. "They say they want to cut me, but really they want me to settle their appetites!" He grabbed Bulma's shirt as the men were dragging him away to his doom. "Your ripping my dress off!" Bulma said. Vegeta let go. "Remember me as a hero!" He sobbed. They were almost out the door. "Tell Kakarott I hate him!" He was shouting things all the way down the hall. 


	8. Vegeta has to go away by himself! But no...

Chapter 8  
  
Disclaimer: I dont own Dragonball Z. I don't own any of the books Vegeta reads. I hate to read. I only read Stephen King. So if you think that I would own any of the other types of books that Vegeta reads, then maybe Vegeta needs to Stick his foot up your--you know. I don't think it's nesesary to cuss in a diclaimer. And I'm sorry I can't spell nesessary.  
  
The following is a dream that took place while Vegeta was under the gas so they could operate: *****  
  
The big booming red faced man in the leprechaun hat took Vegeta to a wonderful place. But all the man could do was laugh. His big jolly belly shook! Vegeta laughed with him. "Who are you?" He asked, looking at the rainbows and Unicorns. The Unicorns that were tapdancing. "Who am I?" The man replied. "I am your dreams and your wishes! Your hopes and your faiths!" "Sounds like bullsh*t to me." Vegeta said. "Take me back to my um, world thingy. I'm ready to wake up now." The man laughed. "No, Vegeta! Your under laughing gas! You can't get out! Enjoy it while you can and take a slide down a rainbow!" "Uh, No. I'm not that type of man. Now take me back or else." The fat man laughed again. It was really starting to annoy Vegeta. "I don't like all your sissy stupid fag stuff. Now LET ME WAKE UP." The man laughed. "Listen! If you don't let me wake up, I'm gonna use you as a beach ball, fatty! Then I'm gonna scrape off all your fat and use it cook my bacon! Then I'm going to jam my boot in your throat and fill you with maggots!" The man laughed. Then he turned into a huge monster. "Looks who's talking, Ugly!" It shouted. It had big horns, but it just looked like smoke. Vegeta jumped on a unicorn and kicked it. As it ran at breakneck speed, It's legs fell off! "Oh crap, I'm going to be screwed!" Vegeta said. A woman came out of a little glass hut. She was horribly ugly! "Are you holding auditions for that roll?" She asked, waddling toward him. She looked like a shrew! "No way! Your the ugliest woman I've ever seen!:" "How dare you call my unfaithful wife ugly!" The monster/fat guy said. It charged toward him. Vegeta guessed this was some on crack dream. Then a really pretty lady approached. "Hello." She said. "Hello!" Vegeta replied. "Your hitting on the ugliest lady in town!" The monster said. Vegeta relized this world was flipped all around. He tried to fly, but he only hopped. "This will do." He sighed. "Vegeta!" The monster said. "What?" He asked. "Vegeta!" The monster said. "WHAT?"! He asked. "VEGETA!" It said. "WHAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????"***  
  
Then he woke up. "Vegeta!" Bulma said, shaking him. "Where am I?!" He asked. He whipped his head around. "Where's the monster? And the shrew lady?!" She looked at him weird. Then he relized. "Bulma, am I dead?" She shook her head. "Your alive. Your just high because that doctor gave you too much." Vegeta lifted up his hospital gown and saw an ugly red cut and stitches wear his underwear line was. "Ew!" He said. Trunks ran into the room and launched himself right on top of Vegeta in that very spot. Vegeta's eyes seemed to bulge out of his head as he screamed in pain. Rivers of blood spouted from between the stitches. "Trunks. That was disrespectful!" Bulma said. She picked him up and set him off the bed. Goku wheeled in. " Hiya, Vegeta! Bulma told me you hate me! Is this true?"  
  
"Yes." Vegeta said bordly. "Why don't you go away? I already had to deal with one ugly shrew." "Okay. I'm gone." Goku said, and he wheeled out. "Where's Akurei?" Vegeta said. "He told me he was coming to check on me." Bulma was wiping the blood off Vegeta's stomach." He'll be here, I bet." sHe said. Then the doctor walked in. He looked ugly. " Good morning!" He said. Trunks pulled his pants down. There were red flowers on his thongs. "Your wearing panties like MOMMY.' Trunks said, giggling. "Exactly like mommy!" Vegeta said, then he howled with laughter. "Not really." Bulma said. "Mine like that don't have all the skid marks." "Honey, those aren't skid marks." Vegeta said. (If you don't know what it was ask about it in my reveiw) Then he laughed harder. The doctor pulled his pants up. A breeze was floating in through the window. "Vegeta, I've come to talk about your health." He said. Vegeta looked at him. "Yeah, so?" "Well,you have alot of stress." The doctor said. "By the looks of your panties, so do you." Trunks said. The doctor ignored him. "You need to slim down on your stress." Bulma cut in. "We just went on a Vacation. We don't need another."  
  
"Whats all this We sh*t?" The doctor said. "Vegeta needs one by himself." "By myself?" Vegeta asked. "I can't possibly do that." The doctor looked at him. "Will you if I throw in some panties?"  
  
Vegeta had agreed that he would go away for 3 weeks for the sake of his health. But after he got out of the hospital. "You can go home whenever your ready." The doctor said. Vegeta nodded. "But do you think that it's wise to leave my family without protection for 3/4 of a month?" "We'll be okay." Bulma said. "Remember? Goku's staying with us." The nurses were packing up Vegeta's things because he was about to go home. Vegeta was a little worried about that, too. Bulma helped him into the sitting postion, although it was painful. "He can barely sit up!" Bulma protested. "How can you send him away like this!" She gave Veggie a hug. "He'll be alright." The doctor said. Vegeta wasn't so sure. The nurses were done packing up. "Goodbye, Vegeta!" Bulma said, and he gave her a big Veggie hug. "I'll be alright." He said. "But wait-- I have something for you." He pulled a sack out from underneath his hospital bed. There was a box in it. "Veggie, what's this?" Bulma asked. He smirked. "Open it." She opened the box and, inside was......Yes, you guessed it! Bulma's red shoes!!! "Thank you Vegeta!" She said. "But can you do something for me?" "What?" Vegeta asked. "Hurry, I have to leave." "You have to take Rex with you." Vegeta's eyes got wide. "WHAT?!" He asked. "Do you think I'm CRAZY?! You know I'm afriad of dogs! I buy you some expensive shoes and you ask me to take a DOG with me?!" "But Vegeta, your weak from surgery. If something comes, you'll need Rex to protect you. Just drop by the house and pick him up, please?" Vegeta stared crosswise. "Alright." He said. "But if he rips out my intestines, don't cry to Shenron." She nodded.  
  
Vegeta was leading Rex through the woods into a cabin. Rex wasn't going so willingly. He had to drag his butt through bramble bushes, so Rex was in pain. "I don't like this either!" Vegeta said. "But my wife made me. If you want to bite someone, bite her for crying outloud. Now cooperate!" Rex growled and snapped. Vegeta noticed that it was getting pretty dark, and the moon was coming up. "Oh, that's just NICE. Very NICE! Yes, Mr doctor and Bulma and Trunks, this is a good idea, but look who's talking? You get to sleep in your nice warm water beds and I--" He creaked open the front door to the cabin. It was all one room. A twin sized bed, A kitchen table, a stove, a heater, and a small black and white TV. No toilet. He would have to go outside. Rex trotted inside and layed down on a round rug. He closed one eye and watched Vegeta with the other. (Oh, I forgot. There was a phone)Vegeta eyed the phone and picked it up. He dialed Bulma's number. "Hello?" Asked Bulma. She sounded distressed. There was loud music in the background. "It's me." Vegeta said. "Oh, hi dear!" Bulma said. "Whats going on? Did you make it out there Okay?" Vegeta heard her go into a quiet room and shut the door. His guess was the closet. "I'm fine." Vegeta said. "But what's all that music? Am I missing something?" Bulma shut another door. "Um, no. Goku just has some friends over, thats all." "Friends like Picollo? That drug dealing drunk! I'm going to GET him for sending me to jail!" Bulma hesitsted, then answered. "Yes, he's here, but he's drunk so he doesn't remember." "Okay." Vegeta said. "I'm going to give you some instructions, Bulma." "Okay." She said. "What is it." "Boil up some water, so hot it almost turns to steam." He heard Bulma's new high heels tap on the kitchen floor as she went to the stove. He heard her get out a metal pan and put some water in, then he heard the stove knob click as she set it to 400degrees fahreignheit. "Why am I doing this?" She asked. "Just wait." Vegeta said. "I garuntee you'll love it." They waited about 15 minutes until the water was boiling. "Now take the water and put it in an empty beer bottle." She put on oven mits and poored the water into a glass beer bottle. "Now give it to picollo and tell him it's a rare wine, and if he doesnt drink it fast it could kill him." "Here Picollo!" Bulma said as she handed Picollo the bottle full of still boiling water. "Drink it FAST or it will kill you!" Picollo held it to his green lips and guzzled it down. It seemed to take him 5 seconds to realize the water was hot. Immediatly blisters formed on his toungue and throat. "How did that get in there?" Bulma said. "Well, I was right. Had you drunk it any slower, your tongue would be ashes!" She giggled as picollo writhed on the floor in pain. "I did it!" Bulma said. "It's funny." Picollo ran out the door. "That got rid of him." "I knew it would." Vegeta said. "Now fill ALL his beer bottles with expensive tabasco sauce. That'll break his drinking problem." "Okay." Bulma said. "Thanks for the good advice." "Any time." Vegeta said. "Trunks really misses you!" Bulma said. "He said Rex probley killed you by now. And I miss you too. How is Rex?" "REX is fine." Vegeta said. "He gets to sleep, carefree, while I have to make a fire in the heater to stay warm because its on of the ones you have to stock full of wood. You know, the old ones?" "Yeah, I know." Bulma said. "Have fun on your WATER BED!" Vegeta wailed. "My bed is made of ROCKS, I swear. It's a big change and it's small compared to our king sized." "Your not supposed to be worrieying." Bulma said. "How's your stomach?"  
  
"My stomach's not so good." "Oh, well get better. I have to go, Chi Chi's doing a strip tease and I need to stop her!" "Okay, bye Bulma." "Bye Vegeta. I love you." Vegeta grunted and hung up, like he always did. Then he flounced on the bed and almost busted his head open on the hard matress. He was still rubbing it, when he fell asleep.  
  
It was 12:00 midnight at Bulma's and Trunks's house. Goku had to take Chi Chi to the hospital when she fell while doing the strip tease, so they were all alone. It was about that time that Bulma was thinking that the room was very quiet without Vegeta's snoring when she heard a noise. It was the living room door opening!! She layed there for a good five minuted debating on what to do. She slipped into her shoes and slowly walked down the hall. At first she saw nothing. And then.... A big scary man darted down the hall! He tripped her and ripped the shoes off her feet. "These will make a great present for my girlfriend!" He shouted. Then he ran into Bulma's room. "My shoes!" She said. She ran after him. "Nobody takes MY shoes!" She screamed. She ninja kicked the man into the T.V. She wasn't aware she knew karate. She stood in a karate stance. "Come on!" She said. "Give me my shoes!" The man threw a telephone at her. "That was GRANDMA'S!!" She yelled, and hurled a flower vase at him.He screamed as it hit him in the head. She zoomed over and grabbed her shoes. "Okay, buster! You get out of my house before I kick your @$$!!" The man laughed. Bulma hurled a high heel right at him. It twirled through the air and the heel hit the guy right in the nuts. He screamed and howled.  
  
Bulma zoomed over and cracked him over the head with her fists. Then she whipped around and caught him in the lips with her elbow. She could feel his lips split as she hit them. It was satisfactory. "Thats why Vegeta likes doing this so much!" She said. The man lay there groaning. "Let that be a lesson to you!!! NOBODY comes in my house!" The man started to say something. "After I waited all that time to rob this house; I waited until the man with the big muscles and the doberman dog were gone." "That goes to show you they aren't the only ones in this house who are worth something." Bulma said. She put on her shoe. "No! Don't!" The man said. "Sorry, but I need you to shut up while I call the police. And my husband. I bet he'll pay a nice PAINFUL visit to you when he gets back." She laughed evilly. "No!" The man said as she stomped on his head with her high heel and knocked him out.  
  
Vegeta had been sleeping when the phone rang. "Hello?" He asked annoyed. "Who IS this?!" The person on the other line was breathing hard. "Its me!" Bulma said. "You'll never guess what I just did!!!" Vegeta sighed." Probley not. What, did you buy a new dress?" He was used to her calling him for useless things. "No! I beat up a robber!"  
  
"Nice story."He said. "Now go back to bed-" "No! Really! There was this guy in the house and I beat him up with those kicks you taught me to protect myself." "You?" Vegeta said. "A man came in the house? Did he hurt Trunks or you? I should come home unless he comes back." "No! He's in jail. But I'm so proud of myself." "Why didn't you use the gun?!"Bulma laughed. "I wanted to try out the moves you taught me!" She said. Vegeta coulden't beleive what he was hearing. "You could have been KILLED." He said. "Well, I wasn't ." Bulma said. "Bye!" "Bye." Vegeta said, still thinking about how crazy she was. Bulma hung up. Vegeta closed his eyes and coulden't get any more sleep. Rex was at the door and was scratching at it. "What do you want?" Vegeta said. He was trying to think why dogs would scratch on the door. Maybe he wants me to play with him? Vegeta thought. "No way, Stupid scary dog. I'm not playing with a monster like you. I already can't get off my bed because of you." Rex started barking as well as sctratching.  
  
"Maybe you want something to eat?" Vegeta asked. He flew up as high as he could go without spearing himself on the plant hooks and went to the cabinet. A can was labled 'DOGGY YUMMIEZ FOOD'. "How do I open a can?" Vegeta asked himself. He bashed it on the cabinet. It dented. "Oh, Sh*t!!" He cursed. He smashed the dent back into normal standing and then he got an idea. "I know! I'll set the can in a bowl and KI blast it so it explodes!" He found a plastic red bowl that said 'rex' on it. He set the can inside. Then he blasted it with a weak blast. Success! There was food in the bowl. He looked in. "Looks yummy." He mumbled. Then he saw something shiny and silver. He popped it in his mouth and chewed. "OW!" He said. He could taste blood. "Peices of the can! Sh*t!!"  
  
So he spent three hours picking peices of metal out of Rex's food. Then he was finally done. Rex was laying down, lazilly scratching at the door. "Here, Rexie." Vegeta said. He dropped the bowl. Rex waddled over and sniffed it. Then he looked up at Vegeta and Barked. "No way am I coming down there so you can kill me." Vegeta said. "I'm way smarter than that!" Vegeta said. "ooh, a penny." He almost flew down to pick it up, but he stopped himself. "I have to resist this horrible temptation!!" He said. Then he got an idea. "Maybe, possibly, he has to go to the bathroom." Vegeta thought. So he flew down and opened the door. Rex stared barking and spitting and making a ruckus. "Geezus me!" Vegeta gasped. "Dogs are loud!" He swung open the door. "Rex, you stupid mutt! Shut your face!" But Rex kept barking. "Gosh darn!" Vegeta slomped down on the bed and started flipping channels over Rex's insane barking. It was on a very insteresting channel for men(If you know what I mean) when the cable went off. "Oh no!!" Vegeta said. "The antennae must have blown at a strange angle!" He was about to go outside and fly up on the roof in attempt to repair it, when he noticed that the wind was whipping the trees all around at strange angles. He got to thinking that those trees wo0uld be HIM if he tried to fly up in the air in this weather. So he decided to stay inside and watch the only channel he was getting right now, and that was Animal Planet. They were getting on the topic of show dolphins.  
  
Bulma got up in the morning. She was happy and refreshed because she beat up a robber. She decided that she wanted Trunks to train her so she could defend herself without that 'criminal paralyzer' thingy, because she liked the way that taking things into her own hands felt like. She got up and put on her pretty red shoes. Then she went down stairs and with her red magic marker prepared to put a big red X on the previous day on the calendar. The date read October 17th. She stared at the words written on the date. They said 'Bulma's Birthday today!!' Then she looked at November 14th. Those words said 'The prince of Saiyans Birthday'. She tried to process what these words meant. "These words, and fabulous context clues must mean...." She thought some more. "Must mean that it's my birthday!!" She clapped her hands. "I have to call Vegeta! Maybe he has something special planned! And Trunks can teach me how to fight for my present!" She grabbed the phone and she dialed. "Hey Vegeta!" She shouted as soon as he picked up the phone. He was ticked off. "It's not Vegeta." He said. "Then who is it? Vegeta's new 'freind'? Is he too good for me? Does he prefer the copmpany of MEN?!" "No, defenetly not. This is someone who is not Vegeta.Someone who is not too good for you. Someone who wants you to hang up and call back in 1,000 years." Bulma stared at the mouthpeice of the phone and screamed in to it. "LISTEN, VEGETA!!" SHe squealed. "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND IF I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, I GET TO TALK TO YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME! NOW ADMIT TO BEING VEGETA OR I'LL HANG A PICTURE OF YAMCHA IN THE GRAVITY ROOM AND I WON'T LET YOU THROW DARTS AT IT! THEN I'LL INVITE KRILLIN FOR A NICE ROUND OF POKER! " "Fine. This is Vegeta." "......." "HOLY SH*T! Did you say it was your birthday?" "Yes I did. Your rude." "Happy birthday to Bulma! Happy Birthday to YOUUUU!!" Vegeta rasped. "Can I watch T.V now?" He asked. "No. What are you going to get me for my birthday?" Vegeta thought. "Can I come to your party today and come RIGHT back here?"  
  
Bulma made a funny humming sound. "I don't think so. The doctor's said if you get much more stress in 3 weeks, you could die." Vegeta was silent. "Oh, fine. But only for a little while." "Okay. Maybe we could go on a midnight stroll or something." "Vegeta?" "What?" "Who says 'stroll' anymore. Your supposed to say romp." "Romp sounds too sexual. I say stroll." "Say March."  
  
"Marching is what those Robots do. No way." "Bye. Seeya laterz." "Bai." Bulma hung up. She stared putting up stremers and stuff for her party. She was happy because she loved birthday parties. But when she stepped into her living room to set up the table, the lights were all clicked off. She coulden't see a thing. She was feeling around when she heard "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BULMA!!"  
  
It was a suprise party! Goku, Krillin, Chi Chi,Gohan, Videl, Goten, Trunks, Picollo and Yamcha were all behind the couches or chairs. Yamcha looked zoned out like usuall. "Why did you do this?!" She asked. She didn't look happy. She had dropped her martini. "We thought you might like it mom! And look!!" He pointed at the table. Gifts were piled up to the brim! And a big chocolate brownie cake that said, 'Happy Birthday Bulma!' Bulma stared at the colorful wrapping paper and tried to guess what was in them. The one from Yamcha was only a card. "Don't you give that to me!" She shouted, chunking the card at him. "I know you can afford to buy me a real present! Now you march out that door right now and get me something worth openeing!" They all stared and hoped Bulma liked their presents. "We have games, Mommy!" Trunks said. "A pinata and Pin the tail on the donkey! And hide and go seek!" "Oh lovely." Bulma said. "But we have to wait until your father gets here. Sorry." Trunks sat down. "What can we do until then?" "Well, you can all go into the kitchen and help me put up the party supplies that I put up for myself because I didn't know I was having a party from you guys! And after Vegeta gets here and the games are done, which I hope we do quickly, We are going to watch some movies!" They all groaned because they knew what type of movies Bulma liked. Cheesy romances or mild horror. And if it was horror, the animation was off. Then, the window broke and Vegeta flew in. He had sticks in his hair. "Vegeta!" Bulma squealed. She ran over and gave him a big hug. He returened it and looked at everything. "What happened here?! It looks like a happy bomb went off!"  
  
"A happy bomb?" Goku asked. Vegeta glared at him horribly. It was such a horrible ugly face Goku almost fainted. "We are going to play games and eat cake and open presents and bust a pinata!" Trunks said. "It'll be so fun, right dad?!" "Yes, the greatest." Vegeta said. "Let's get this over with so I can get back to my solitude." They all romped out into the hugr back yard. A colorful pinata desighned to look like a bull was hanging and swinging back in forth in the tree Vegeta liked to sit in. Goku ran over and grabbed the rope to pull it up and down. "Who wants to go first?!" Bulma asked. "I do!" Trunks said. And Bulma let him because he was her child. She put a flowery bandanna around his little neck and spun him around. Then she handed him a baseball bat. He wandered around. "Where is it?" He asked. "Where?"  
  
"I know!" Picollo said. "It's over here!" Trunks charged and began hitting Picollo with the bat with all his strength. "I found it!" He called. "Look mom! Has the candy spilled yet?" Bulma was silent. "No son!" Vegeta yelled. "Keep on hitting it!!" So Trunks kept on beating Picollo until he felt a small object hit his bare foot. "Candy!" He said, and he tore off the bandana. But it was one of Picollo's teeth. "EW!" Trunks said. "What kind of weirdo fills a pinata with pointy teeth?!" Then he looked up at the bleeding and angry Picollo. "If I was full of Booze, I would kill you." Picollo said through swollen lips. His eye was all swollen too. "Let me try!" Goten said. He swung at it three times, but he missed. So Bulma wanted to go. Goku tied the bandana around her eyes and spun her around as everyone else watched. She stepped over toward the pinata. Vegeta was whispering, 'NO! It's over there! To the left! Yes, that's it!" Bulma swung as hard as she could. Goku jerked the rope up, and the Pinata dashed over her head. She tripped and landed on her head. Krillin gazed down her dress. "You little pervert!" Vegeta yelled and launched a powerball. It set Krillin's butt on fire. Krillin put it out in the swimming pool. "Let me!" Vegeta said. "Okay!" Bulma said, and she got up and dusted herself off. Gohan tied the bandanna around Vegeta's eyes as he griped that it was a half @$$ job. Then he spun him around. "Alright." He said, handing him the bat. "Go for it!" Vegeta dashed toward the direction of the Pinata and swung wildly. It thumped the bottom of the pinata but only skimmed as Goku jerked it up. Vegeta screamed and pumped the bat again, this tgime missing completly. He swung it so hard it made a whizzing sound. The force of missing caused him to spin around in a crazy circle. By now he was storming mad. He screamed in rage.  
  
"Your turn is over." Goku said plainly. Vegeta charged at Goku and swung the bat. It hit him right in the ribs. He uttered a horrible sound and fell to the ground. Vegeta began beating him horribly, each hit followed by a terrible groan. Bulma ran over and took the bat. "Remember what the doctor said about your stress, honey." Bulma said. Vegeta growled and stalked back to stand in line. On his way by, he punched the Pinata, now aware of his own strength. Candy showered down on his head and in his hair. As everybody scrambled to get trrhe candy, Vegeta unwrapped a Snickers and ate it.  
  
Later, Akurei had arrived. He was late because he said he was in a hot tub full of young schoolteachers. No one beleived him. He was the first one up for Pin The Tail on the Donkey. It was one of his favorites. Bulma gave him a razor sharp tack to put the tail on with.Then she attached the tail on it. "Why did you make it so sharp?" He asked. "Because I hate how sometimes it won't go in." Bulma explined. "Are you ready?" He nodded. Bulma spun him around about 17 times. He was dizzy by the time she was finished, and when he staggered toward the donkey, he was a little too far left. "Your so stupid!" Vegeta laughed. "You can't even get the tail CLOSE to the donkey!" Akurei took 3 steps to the right. "Too far right, you stupid!" Vegeta howled. "Stop it!" Bulma scolded. But Vegeta didn't stop. "Your so stupid and ugly too!" Akurei staggered. "Shut up Man!!" He growled. He felt the wall for the plastic mat. "Ha ha! That won't work. We DREW the donkey on the wall with washable marker, you strupid excuse for a Saiyan!" "SHUT UP!" Akurei said. He was getting really mad. Vegeta shrugged. "Hey, don't get all mad at me because I'm smarter and more handsome than you." "That's it!" Akurei shouted. He jumped on top of Vegeta and started poking him all over. "Ow ow ow!" Vegeta yelled. He tried to buck Akurei off.  
  
"This tack is sharp! SHARRRRP!" Bulma tried to pull Akurei off as he was assaulting Vegeta with a thumb tack. "Um, please stop poking my husband." Bulma said quietly. "You have to do better than that!" Vegeta hissed. "He's killing me! Remember, Bulma? My stress?!" "Um, It's not a good idea to poke Vegeta." BUlma said. "If his stress level gets too high, he could have a heart attack!" Akurei stabbed even harder. "That's it!" Bulma yelled. She karate kicked Akurei off Vegeta. "FIRST, YOUR LATE TO MY PARTY!" She yelled, and kicked him in the head. "THEN, YOU START ASSAULTING MY HUSBAND WITH A THUMB TACK!" She kicked him with her high heel in thye left ear. Vegeta was wiping Kleenex's all over the bloody spots. "WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING!" Bulma howled, kicking his ribs and stomach. ''I WON'T STAND FOR IT!" She kicked Akurei so hard he flew into the next wall. "Gosh." Vegeta said. "She's strong for a woman." Bulma dived on top of Akurei and started beating the crap out of him. He howled and screamed. Krillin pulled Bulma off of Akurei. "Mommy, can I try?" Trunks asked. "Go right ahead, Trunks!" Bulma said. Her voice croaked terribly. Trunks dove toward Akurei, but Vegeta grabbed the back of his shirt. He Put Trunks up on his shoulders. "Let's go play something else." He said. 'This is boring." Trunks grabbed onto his dad's shirt. "Run, daddy, run!!" He said. 'So Vegeta ran with Trunks on his back for a while. They all just watched. Akurei was limping over to the barbecue grill to support himself. "I n-need h-h-help." He croaked. But it was in vein. "No one wants to help you." Picollo said in his boring voice. Akurei collapsed in a faint. "I think he died." Picollo said. "Nonsense!" Chi CHi said. "Just give me 2 minutes with him! He'll feel absolutly better!" She grabbed Akurei's arm and pulled him into the kitchen. Vegeta stopped running. "I'm getting tired." He said. "What next so I can leave?" They all thought. "Oh, I know!" Goku said. "Let's play tag!" "Tag?!" Asked Bulma. "I love tag!" Vegeta shook his head. "No way. I just ran like a mile." "Well we can fly then!" Goku said. "I can't fly." Builma said. "You can ride on me, Mommy." Trunks said. But Trunks was too small so she just rode on Vegeta instead. Yamcha was asleep on the table. The game of tag was really fun, but it was tireing. Every time Vegeta tagged someone, they rolled across the yard. Bulma was being bucked back and forth and all around, so her stomach didn't feel the best. "Vegeta, stop it!" Bulma said. "I don't think I want to play tag anymore!" She said. Vegeta came to a screeching halt which sent Bulma careening into the garbage cans. When she pulled her head up, a small yellow and ROTTEN banana peel was on her head. Trunks peeled it off. "Cool!" He said. "Now you smell." Bulma stood up. "That's it! Everybody go home!" Bulma yelled. They all just looked in awe. "I mean it, Krillin, Gohan, Videl, Yamcha, Picollo....Go home. Goku and Chi Chi and Goten--Go to your room!"  
  
They all stared. "No." Picollo said. "You haven't even opened your presents yet." "I don't need your help to open presents. Now leave!" "......." "I'm warning you...."  
  
"......." BUlma kicked, karate chopped, and ear-boxed everyone. They screamed and ran out of the Capsule Corporation. "Now." She said. "About my presents." Vegeta was starting to get really scared of Bulma's mood swings. "Trunks, your going to teach me how to protect myself while your dad is away getting rid of some insanity." Now she seemed cheerful again. "And Vegeta, we can talk about my present later! Now I have to open all these presents!" She picked up a package and shook it. Then she opened it. It was a glass duck. But it was broken. "What kind of freak gives me a broken duck?" Bulma said. "I don't even like ducks!" She read the name tag. It said, 'from Gohan'. "Maybe it's broke up because you shook it, mommy." Trunks said. "Do you want a slap in the mouth?" Bulma asked. He looked at his feet. Bulma threw the broken duck away. Then she picked up the next present and opened it. It was a sticker book. She took out a sticker and stuck it, but then she got bored and threw it away. "What stupid presents so far!" She said. The book was from Picollo. He seemed fascinated with small and stupid things. Then she came to Krillin's present. It was a blonde wig. "Just because he's bald doesn't mean I am!" BUlma screamed. When she threw it it landed on Vegeta's head. He would look really good with long blonde hair. Bulma opened up various other presents. None of them were good ones at all. "This sucks balls!" Bulma said. "Nobody can even get me a decent present!"  
  
"Ummm..." Vegeta said, taking off the wig. "We could goooo.....Dancing?" Bulma looked at him awkwardly. He hoped he had said the right thing. "Dancing?" Bulma said. "Why would you suggest that?" "Because we could....eat dinner too? And go on a night stroll? And throw eggs at people from a bridge?" "It sounds great except the last part." Bulma said. "Eggs are expensive." "They don't have to be our eggs." Vegeta said. "We could steal them." "We're not stealing and going to jail over EGGS, Vegeta." Bulma said. "Let's go!" Vegeta was happy because he wanted to go home and this would be over with fast.  
  
"Where can we eat?" Bulma asked. "It has to be all you can eat." Vegeta said. "Other than that, I don't care." Bulma thought. "Does McDonalds have all you can eat?" Vegeta shook his head. "Let's go to a place that goes with our budget, you know, like a fancy buffet." "Okay." Bulma said. "But there's not really any fancy buffets around, do you think?" Vegeta thought. How rare. "I know! Luby's!" "OKay." Bulma said. "That sounds good!" Vegeta landed at Luby's. It was really crowded. "You would think that a prince would get VIP passes." So they waited in a long line. Then they finally got into the buffet part. There was Asperagus and Green beans in the Vegetable section. Bulma got Lettuce and Tomatoes with ranch dressing, and Vegeta got 16 cherry tomatoes in a little green bowl. Then they went to the meat section. Vegeta got 10 fried chicken legs. Bulma got mini sausages. Then they passed on to the next section, soups. Vegeta got two bowls of clam chowder. Bulma didn't get anything. And on the desert place, Vegeta got 8 cinamon rolls and 7 brownies. Bulma got a small peice of cake. Then they payed for the food which was a staggering $42.50, And sat at a table by the window. AS Vegeta gobbled down his food, he was looking outside. Nothing unusual. Just a man shooting somebody. Vegeta was done eating Before BUlma even had her 4th bite. "God your a pig." Bulma said. "Why do Saiyans eat like that?" "Because we need food to make energy, and we need energy to fight." Bulma ate one more bite of her cake. " Well, I'm not too hungry. So you can have the rest." Vegeta gobbled it down. It was so embarrasing to be married to a saiyan. 


	9. Vegeta and Bulma's night on the town Inc...

Chapter 9  
  
Discalimer: I do not own DragonBallZ or any of the charectars associated. I also do not own Wal Mart or anything else copyrighted on this story.  
  
Now, it was time for Veggie and Bulma to go dancing. They were choosing a place with their Mapsco that they stole from Wal Mart because the checkout lines were too long. "Let's go clubbing!" Bulma said. "Clubbing?" Vegeta asked. "What is a club?" Bulma looked up. "Well, they have music and beer, and if your a guy and you care, they might have young single women. But you woulden't care about that." Vegeta shrugged. "Maybe I would." He said. He pointed to a large pink building across the street. "Is that a club?" Music was booming out of it and you could tell by the windows blinking that a strobe light was on. "Yes, that's one!" Bulma said. The club was called 'Honk Your Horn'.(Get it? I made it up!) "Let's go there." Bulma suggested. "I bet they play nice music." Vegeta nodded. "Okay." So he landed in front of the club and opened the door. What he saw was so wonderful to him he almost cried. Skinny Teenage girls in short shorts and bikini tops were pole dancing on a pole dancing stage! (Ew. What a perv) Bulma saw it. "Oh my god!" She said. The girls were dancing to the song 'Cottoneyed Joe'. "I really like this place!" Vegeta said, running inside. He was staring. "Stop it!" Bulma said. "Your a married guy! We're leaving!" Vegeta groaned. "But Can't i live like I was single just one more time? Please? You don't have to watch and I promise I'll dance with you!!" Bulma looked into Vegeta's puppy dog eyes. "God he's a perv." She thought. "Okay." She said. "But only for a while." Vegeta jumped. "I'll go get us some drinks!" She said, and she started over to the drink counter.  
  
When she came back, she saw a horrifying sight! Vegeta was chatting with one of the pole dancers. Bulma was outreaged. She ran over and slugged the girl right across the face. "You stupid ugly B*tch!" Bulma cried. The girl flew off the Pole Dancing stage and fell to the floor. Vegeta tried to hold Bulma back, but she was struggling and he didn't want to hurt her, so he let her go. She started punching and kicking the girl. "How dare you touch my husband!" Bulma said. She broke a beer bottle over the girls head. She was practiccly seeing stars! "Please stop." Said the girl through tears. Vegeta grabbed Bulma's arm and dragged her out. "What were you doing?" Vegeta asked. "We were talking about a basketball team!" Bulma frowned. "Yeah right!" She said. "Maybe about the basketball team she strips for! I'm so mad at you, Vegeta." He rolled his eyes. "Not again." He said. "Let's go dancing somewhere nice." Vegeta said. "A place with NO distractions." Bulma was still mad. "OKay." She said. "No more stupid ugly strippers." Vegeta nodded. "alright." Bulma hopped on Vegeta's back. "When are you and Trunks going to start your training?" Bulma thought. "Tomarrow, I guess. And the whole time until your done with your vacation. I need something to do at night." Vegeta was silent. "I don't like you fighting people while I'm gone." "Why, are you afraid I'll get hurt?" Bulma asked, wanting him to be worried. "No." Vegeta said. "You'll take all the credit." Bulma didn't know if that was a joke or not, but either way she didn't like it. "I won't take the credit!" Bulma said. "Remember those red shoes you got me? That last dude was going to take them home and use them for his Girlfriend. But I beat him up with those!! They were a really great weapon!" "I bought those for you! I'll bet you got blood on them, right?" Bulma scoffed. "No, I hit him in the nuts." "Ooooohhhh..." Vegeta said. "Poor Guy." "It can't hurt that bad. " Vegeta shook his head. "You don't realize what that feels like! It feels like your taking away our manhood!!" "Don't worry. We don't want to take away all that makes you a man. Then where would our entertainment be?" Vegeta realized she had a point. But he still felt sorry for the poor burglar. "Did he steal anything of mine?" Vegeta asked. "Some of my books?" By now, Bulma had gotten Vegeta a big oak bookcase of books. There were hundreds! 50 of which Vegeta already had read. "Nope. He didn't seem interested in books." "Gee, he really was a creep." She hoped Vegeta didn't notice she had taken one of his books, ripped the pages out, and gave them to a bum to line him clothes with. But she decided she needed to tell him while they were on the way to dance. "Um, how do you feel about bums?" Bulma ask. "Bum? What is a bum?" Bulma thought of how to say it in a way he would understand. Then she got it. "Bum. Commoner in royal people talk. They don't have any money, and they ask you for money and food and stuff."  
  
"Oh, you mean grifters? Gee, I think they're ugly and stinky and stupid and poor and fags and I hate them." BUlma gulped. "Well sometimes, they get really cold. I mean, really really cold. And there was this one standing on the side of the street. All he had was a thin jacket in -5 degree weather. So you know what I did?" "Do I WANT to know?" Bulma thought. "No." "Okay then." She shut up. It was about time she did that.  
  
"Where is my mommy and daddy!?" Trunks asked. Goku, Chi Chi and Goten were tied up in the living room with socks on their mouths. All of Trunks' soldier and indian action figures he loved to play with were gathered around. "Tell, me! Or we'll scrafice you to Wee-Zee-La-Po-Tlie. He's a god in indian." He is, the sun god. But its spelled guezelapotili. Goten spit out his sock. "I want to play indians! Let me out!" "Shut up!! " Trunks said. he moved a toy soldier with a spear next to Goten's face. The spear was almost tounching his eye. "If you value your seeing eye, you will tell me." "I don't know!" Goten said, and he cried. "Ask daddy and mommy!!" (This soldier toy was one that launched the spear if you pushed a button) Trunks pushed the button on the back of the soldier. The spear hit and bounced off Goten's eye. It didn't poke it out, but it poked it alright.  
  
"Ow, my eye!" Goten said. "Trunks, your mean!" Trunks moved all the soldier and indian's arms where they were aiming their spears at him. Trunks moved to Chi Chi. "Perhaps you will talk." He moved the captain soldier action figure. "There's a handsome man in it for you." He made the action figure make a suductive pose. "Well, they went dancing."  
  
"Exactly where?" Trunks asked. "Um, as handsome as your guy is, I don't know. ONly Goku knows." Trunks shot two spears at Chi Chi. One hit her in the nose, the other in the forehead. "There are 12 more men that I can use to make you talk!" Trunks said. "Now tell me! Where is my mommy and daddy?"  
  
Goku started to cry. "Please don't sik the soldiers on me! I promise I'll be good! I'll tell you everything that I know! They went out to eat at Luby's! They went to dance at a club! Your mother thinks George bush is hot and your father plays knife games!!!" Trunks looked at him cockeyed. "Okay. But you still get 6 spears because your ugly." He shot six spears at Goku.  
  
They decided to stop and dance at the Country Club. They were having one of those little dance thingy's. Vegeta liked it because there was food. The song playing was a slow waltz. When they started to dance, Vegeta stepped on Bulma's feet and smashed her toes. "OW!" She cried. "YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE HOOVES, YOU STUPID KLUTZ! LEARN SOME RESPECT!" Vegeta looked at the ground. "Sorry. My mind's somewhere else. I was thinking about that poor stripper." "Wrong thing to say, buddy!" BUlma said, and she stomped on Vegeta's toe. "Owch." He said. "That's angering." But he tried to keep his temper in check because of all the people around. Then he zoned out and he danced just fine. It's funny. With the stripper on his mind, he danced bad. but without Bulma on his mind, he danced okay. Vegeta was staring blankly at Bulma's face with his mouth open zoned out. "I didn't know I was that pretty." BUlma said. A string of drool fell from Vegeta's bottom lip. Bulma slapped him back into reality. "Oh! Sorry." He said. So Vegeta focused on a painting. Then some drunk rich people (Not unusual at a country club) stepped up on the little stage thingy. "We are goinnnnnnn to recites a poem." One of the guys said. "How embarrasing." Vegeta said. "Getting up in public drunk like that." "JUst watch!" BUlma said. "Sometimes they make complete fools of themselves." They started a Poem. "Three Blind Mice!" One said. "Three blind mice! See how they twinkle! Twinkle little star! How I Hey diddle diddle! The cat and the Little Jack horner! Sittin in a corner! Stuck his thumb in a dumb old pie. The end." Vegeta's mouth hung open. "Bulma, that was a mixture of like 5 nursery rhymes." Bulma shrugged. An old lady walked over. "Hello, Bulma dear!" She said. "Um, hello Agnis." Bulma said in a bored voice. "How are you?" Vegeta had never seen this Agnis before in his life. An old man walked beside Agnis. He had a glass on his eye. "Hello, young chap!" He said, and he slapped Vegeta on the back. "I'm not a chap and if you touch me again I'll rip your arm off." Bulma glared at Vegeta. "This is Agnis and her husband Casey." Vegeta laughed. "Casey? What a gay name." The man looked sad. "You guys are pretty old." Vegeta said. "70? 80?" "Nope." Said Agnis. "We're 34." Vegeta laughed. "You need some wrinkle cream if your 34. Your younger than me and Bulma and we don't have any wrinkles!" Casey and Agnis were deeply disturbed. "Why are you at the Country Club tonight?" Casey asked. "We wanted to go dancing for my brithday." Bulma said. "His little present." Vegeta stared at Casey. "Do you have a problem with me?" Casey asked. "Yes! " Vegeta said. "Your ugly!" Casey was outraged. "Your the most rude, crass, horrible human being on earth and I don't know why Bulma wanted to marry you!" Bulma got P*ssed. "Are you questioning MY judjement?" She hissed. "And insulting MY husband?! Vegeta's right! YOu do need some Botox! You need to get laid! You need marriage counseling and whats with that little glass thing on your eye?!" She jumped on Casey and started beating him up.  
  
Agnis and Casey made Bulma and Vegeta leave. "That wasn't fair." Vegeta said. "They don't have a right to tell us to leave." Bulma nodded. "Yes they do! Agnis screwed the club owner and now they can do whatever they want." "I can see how that would work." Vegeta said. As they floated past the 'Honk your Horn' club, Vegeta was tempted to fly down, but he didn't. He wanted to ditch Bulma off at home and get back to the cabin. He was really enjoying the time by himself. "How long do you have to stay there all by yourself?" Bulma asked. "I get worried about you with that dog. Don't let him outside unsupervised. He dosen't have rabies shots! Remember Cujo?" She said. Vegeta nodded. "Beleive me, If I could, he would be locked in the broom closet. I have to stay for 3 weeks. That's all. And I really like it."Bulma was enjoying her break too, but she thought that was horrible. "I wonder if Kakarott is still alive at home with Trunks. If he isn't, I'll be awfully proud!" Vegeta said. They landed at the Capsule Corp. Bulma opened the door and walked in. Goku, Chi Chi and a crying Goten were tied up. She sighed. "What happened, why did it happen, and did you have a motive?" She said. It was the usual thing she said every time Trunks was alone. "That's my boy!" Vegeta said. "Great job, Trunks!" "Are those words coming out of the mouth of the man who told me to 'have fun raising the little brat' when I got pregant?" Vegeta was ashamed. "I'll be in the kitchen." He said, and he sidestepped away. Bulma untied Goten. "Tell me what happened, Goten." Bulma said.  
  
"I'll tell you what happened!" Goku said. "That little brat of yours went Incredible Hulk on me! I tried to stop him, but he's really strong. YOu guy trained him to hard! I tried to tell you, but--" Bulma shoved the sock into Goku's mouth. "Go on, Goten." She said. "WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T-T-Trunks grabbed me b-by my arms! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! T-then he put m-m-me in the o- ven and c-cooked me to a c-crisp and I d-died!!"  
  
"Is THAT so, Goten?" Bulma said. "It's not, mom." Trunks mumbled. "He's lying. He's a big fat lier." "WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH He c-called me fat!" "I did not. Your a big fat ugly poopyhead lier." "WAHAHAHWHAHWHAHWHAHWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "What kind of word is Poopyhead?" Said Picollo. "Where did you come from?" Bulma asked. "WE didn't ask you to." Picollo was ashamed. "I was wondering if you had any of those orange scented trash bags." Vegeta handed Bulma one from the kitchen. he was chomping on a banana. Bulma gave it to Picollo."Take it and go away." She said. Picollo gave a selute and ducked out. "This banana tastes bad." Vegeta explained. "I hate it when bits of the peel get stuck on it. It tastes bad." Bulma gave up in trying to get answers out of Goku's family. "All of you go back to your rooms NOW! I'm going to talk to my son up and personal about this!" "If you forgot, we can't walk when we're tied up." Chi Chi explained. Bulma untied them and they left. "Trunks....." Bulma whispered. "GOOD JOB!" Vegeta and Bulma cried in unison. They hugged and tousled Trunks' hair. "You sure showed Kakarott!" Vegeta said. "He looked so funny all tied up!"  
  
"No kidding!" Bulma agreed. "He was like--" She put her fist in her mouth, crossed her eyes and made muffled noises. They al laughed.. Then Trunks aimed an action figure at Bulma. "Sit in the chair so I can tie you up." Trunks said.  
  
Later, after Vegeta had knocked Trunks out so Bulma could get away, it was almost time for Vegeta to go back to his cabin. "That dog is probley raising heck." Vegeta said. "He might be hungry." Bulma nodded. She was brushing her hair by a mirror. "Can you stay for just one more night?" Bulma asked. "You can leave early in the morning." Vegeta shook his head. "Even one more night here would be stressful. That boy--god he makes me have breakdowns!" "But you woulden't ever have to leave this room!" Bulma said. Vegeta smiled. "Nope. I have to leave. There's plenty of time for that when I get back." Bulma sighed. "Okay, fine. Even though it is my birthday." Vegeta gave Bulma a hug and then they kissed for about 2 minutes, and then he flew out the window. The cabin was about 45 minutes away to a fast flying saiyan. He blasted as fast as he could go because he was ready to go to bed. And about 20 minutes into the flight he was wishing he had stayed at his house for one more night. When he finally got home, the dog was barking outside and throwing itself against the door. "Oh, stop it!" Vegeta said, opening the door as it ran at it. It careened inside and hit it's head on the dresser. "Serves you right!" Vegeta said. "You ruined a perfectly good screen door." Vegeta opened up the cabinet. He took out a can of creamed corn and opened it. Then he poored it in the dogs bowl because he hated corn. Then he put the bowl outside, and Rex eagerly ran outside and gobbled it up. Vegeta closed the glass door so he could see outside because it helped him sleep without the picture window in his room. Then Vegeta changed into some flannel pajamas. They were green and fuzzy. Then he got into bed and pulled the thin blanket up. He was still shivering. He could feel the air conditioner under that blanket. He cursed the stupid cabin as he powered up a little so he could generate his own body heat. He figuered he could stay at that level all night.  
  
At about 2:00 AM, Vegeta awoke with a start. There was a horrible peal of thunder so loud Rex was yelping. Vegeta could hear greusome hail and hard rain pounding on the weak wooden ceiling. Leaks were dripping all over him. "Oh Sh*t!" He said, and he jumped out of bed. He flew up and put a peice of kleenex in a ceiling hole. It got soaked, and the water dripped again. "How do I plug up this stupid hole?" He asked himself. He put his finger in it. It stopped. He took his finger out. It leaked again. He whipped his head around and found a dusty action figure. He realized the last people who stayed her must have had children. He shoved it's head in the leak that was bothering him, and it stopped. Then He clicked on the T.V for weather. He didn't really care about the weather, but Trunks was afraid of Thunderstorms and he wanted to know if this one was bad enough to make Trunks start cutting himself. (Dont ask). An ugly old geezer was talking to the young news reporter. "No tornadoes, but hail and wind gusts of up to 70 MPH. Bring all pets in." Vegeta turned off the TV. "Ha. No way." He said. He glaned over at the door. rex was shivering at the door. He was soaking wet and his cropped ears were droopy. "Stupid dog." Vegeta said. "He's all wet." Then he realized that he was talking to himself. He climbed back into the tiny bed and gazed out the door. He kept staring at the sad looking dog outside. "I wonder if dogs are living things." He said. "Animals are living things. And dogs are on Animal Planet. That must mean dogs are living things. I wonder if he feels cold." He noticed how the dog was shivering. "When i am cold, I shiver." He stared at Rex for a long long time. And then he realized something. Rex was probably really uncomfortable being cold. He remembered how sometimes he had to pull the covers way over his head because he was cold and that would make him warm, but Rex didn't have any covers to pull over his head. And Rex coulden't power up to stay warm. So Vegeta decided to let Rex inside. He flew up and unlatched the door. Rex ran inside and jumped up on Vegeta's bed. He shook his fur and water flew everywhere. "Oh no!" Vegeta said. "Now there's water and stinky dog smell on my bed!" He used a small Ki Blast to knock Rex off. No way he was touching this evil creature. Vegeta realized that he was hungry. He walked into the kitchen and opened up the cabinets. Everything in there had to be heated up or cooked. Then it hit him. HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE MICROWAVE OR COOK! "How am I going to eat?" He asked himself. "Bulma always cooks. I don't have any idea how to!" He looked at the oven. "She always puts the food in here. Maybe I just put it in there and the oven will do the work." He took out a frozen TV dinner and put it in the oven. Then he stood and waited for about 5 minutes.  
  
"Darn!" Vegeta said, taking it out. "It didn't cook!" It was still frozen. It was making his hands cold so he put it down on the counter. "There's those little dail thingy's she turns every time she puts in food." Vegeta said. He put the food back in and turned the dial all the way up. In a matter of minutes He could smell it cooking. "Wow!" He said. "It smells good! But Bulma always leaves it for about 10 minutes in the oven. So I'll just wait." He waited ten minutes. His mouth was watering because he could smell it so vividly. He opened the oven and grabbed the hot TV dinner without a mit. "YEOUCH!" He screamed as he threw it on the counter and watched his hand as 2 blisters appeared. He popped his fingers in his mouth and looked at his food. It was a solid, fused black peice. It was burned to a crisp! Vegeta picked it up and threw it across the room in rage. It collided with the wall and busted into a thousand black peices. "Now I have to clean it up." He mumbled. But that could wait until the morning. He picked up the phone to call Bulma and ask how to make food, but he stopped. "She's probley asleep. And plus......If I call for everything she'll think I can't do anything myself." He put the phone down. But it was true. The only thing he could do himself was fight and torture fish.And read. "I can go to the store and buy some stuff I don't have to cook." He said. He took out a brown wallet. He looked inside. There were two twentys, and a one hundered dollar bill. The rest of him and Bulma's money was with Bulma or in the bank, he guessed. "How much money is this?" He wondered. He didn't know how to count money. (I know they're money is in Zeni, but I can't count Zeni and I don't know what they look like, so I'm using American money. If you can't count American money, then you need to go to first grade. If you haven't gone to first grade, you don't need to be reading this). "Are the stores open this late?" He asked himself. There was a really bad storm, so he figured not.  
  
"OKay Trunks!" Bulma shouted at 6:00 AM. "Time to get up, honey! Rise and Shine!" Trunks groaned and rolled over. "MOTHER, It's summer vacation, remember? I don't have to go to jail today." Bulma threw some training clothes at him. "Get up get up! School isn't what I mean. Today you're going to teach me to fight, Remember?!" Trunks glared at Bulma. "But Mommy, It's too early. Wait a little! Dad says to wait so You won't be tired and then you can fight better." Bulma rolled her eyes. "That does not sound like something VEGETA would say. Now get up before I put ice in your shirt." Trunks bolted up. "Do you mind?" He asked. "I don't like Girls watching me get dressed." BUlma walked out. She started painting her fingernails that she had just put on. She had the most expensive nail polish you could buy. And the most expensive cuticle pusher and everything. Goku walked in. "Your not in your wheelchair today." Bulma observed. "No." Goku said. "Your little brat is using it for his army station!" "Aren't kids cute?!" Bulma gushed. Goku shuffled and sat down. "Where are you guy going so early? I heard Trunks cussing in his room about getting dressed." Bulma rolled her eyes. "I guess I'll have to make him eat soap. We're going to the Gravity room." Goku was suprised. "GRAVITY ROOM?! Won't Vegeta get mad? That's his gravity room." Bulma blew on her nails. "I Built it, and It's my house. So I can go too." Goku nodded. "But a.......why do you wanna go? To watch Trunks?" Bulma shook her head. She was getting annoyed that he woulden't shut up. "NO. I'm learning how to fight so I can protect Trunks too." Goku nodded. "Good god Vegeta's not teaching you. He would mhit you with Ki blasts and kick you and everything. Thats what he did to me when he was trying to help me move my muscles again after the burn accident." Bulma laughed. "He hit and kicked you because he HATES you. And I'M going to hate you if you don't LET ME DO MY FINGERNAILS." Goku got up and went to the refrigerator. Goten came in. "Are you going to play in the gravity room today?" He asked Bulma. He liked to watch her do her fingernails. Bulma nodded. "Can you do MY fingernails like that?" He asked. He thought they were pretty. At first Bulma considered it, but then she thought Goten was adorable and she didn't want the neighbors to think he was a faggot. Trunks walked out of his room in the training clothes. "Your nails are just going to get messed up." Trunks said. "Punching isn't fingernail friendly. You shoulden't have done that." He picked up a banana and was a bout to take a bite when Picollo stuck his head in the window. The smell was awful, and Picollo looked terrible. There were huge bags under his eyes. "C-Can you spare 10 cents? I-its for a good cause." The threw up on the window seal. "Good god, Picollo!" Goku said. "You look horrible! Whats happened to you!" Picollo's toungue flopped out from between his sharp teeth. "Same old, Same old." He said. Goku nodded. "I mean, what Illegal things are you hiding out there?!" Bulma looked mad. "Trunks! Here's our first lesson!" She grabbed Trunks and they stalked outside. Goku heard Picollo's grunts, roars, and struggles. He heard karate sounds and Trunks giving Bulma instructions. The next thing he knew, Bulma and Trunks were carrying an unconsious Picollo into a pantry. They locked him in. "Until your no longer addicted to horrible things, you can't come out!" Bulma shouted. Picollo bashed his body against the door and scraped his teeth against it. But it was all in vein. He was trapped!  
  
Vegeta walked down an aisle in the store. He had to idea what stuff needed to be cooked and what stuff didn't. It was really starting to frustrate him, when a little old man walked up. "I wanted to know what stuff doesn't have to be heated up or cooked." Vegeta said. The man looked at Vegeta funny. "What, do you come from the planet Mars or something?" Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Planet VEGETA. Get it right. Now answer my question." "Cookies, bread, milk...." He named at least 20 other things. "Or you could buy a cake from the bakery." The man explained. "Cookies?" Vegeta asked. "Cake?" The man nodded. "I like cookies and cake. But is there anything healthy?!" The old man took inventory. "Sure. Nutri-Grain bars and Slim Fast."  
  
"Oh, my wife eats those. Those are gross." The old man shrugged and went back to stocking the shelves. Vegeta loaded his basket with Rice Cakes, Cookies, Bakery made Cakes, Strawberry milk, Bananas, apples, Nutri- Grain bars, and many other things. He took the cart and was walking out the door. "Hey stop!" A lady cashier said. "Sir! You have to PAY for all that stuff before you can take it! Geez!" Vegeta looked at all the stuff. "Pay for it? What would I want to do that for?" The woman looked at him. "You've got to be kidding me. Now get back here and pay!" Vegeta took out the brown wallet. He gave her 2 twenty dollar bills. (A total of forty). "No." The lady said, handing it back. "$86.54 is the total. Give me the hundered." Vegeta raised an eyebrow. "I gave you TWO. The hundred is only ONE. This is more." The lady shook her head. "No, sir! Can't you count money?" Vegeta nodded. "See? 1,2,3." He counted like normal counting. "I gave you 2/3 of what I have. That should be enough." The woman buzzed the manager. "We have a stupid person who can't count money."Vegeta was offended. "I'm not stupid! I'm royalty!" She looked at him and laughed. "Your royalty and I'm George Bush." Vegeta held out his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Bush. I've heard so much about you. My wife thinks your attractive." The lady looked at his extended hand and burst out laughing. "Juist leave, you idiot!" She said. "It's on the house." Vegeta took all his food and flew out. As he was flying away, he exploded the store. He thought the lady deserved it.  
  
Vegeta got home and looked at all his food. It looked so yummy. He decided to eat the cookies first. He opened the package and cookies went everywhere. Rex gobbled up 3 of them. Vegeta shooed Rex away and sat down on the bed. He was so tired. Then the phone rang. He picked it up. "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID." It said. "Who the hell are you?!" Vegeta asked. "Sorry, wrong number." The person rasped. Vegeta hung the phone up. Then it rang again. It was Picollo. "SAVE ME." He said. "What?" Vegeta asked. "What's wrong?" Picollo sobbed. "Your crazy wife and crazy son locked me in this place. I'm almost out of cell phone minutes. What do I do?" Vegeta sighed. "I guess you sit in there until she's ready to get you out." Vegeta said. Picollo sobbed even louider. "I;'m going crazy in here. Please help." Then he hung up. Vegeta decided to call and see what was going on. He dialed his home phone, and Kakarott picked up. "Hello, Vegeta!" He said joyously. "How are ya?" "Give the phone to Bulma, you stupid idiot." Vegeta said. "Oh, Okay." Goku said. Goku gave the phone to Bulma. She was breathing hard. "Hi honey! How are you doing?" Vegeta was scared. "Why is Picollo in the pantry?"  
  
"He's not!" Bulma replied. "Oh." Vegeta said. "He called me and said he was- -"  
  
"He's in the linen closet." "Why is he in the linen closet?" Vegeta asked. He was starting to get a feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him something wasn't right. "Do you need me to come home?" Vegeta asked. "Just to put Picollo in his place?" "No." Bulma said. "You stay right where you are, Veggie. If your stress gets bad enough you could die. Picollo is in there until he no longer depends on Illegal things to live his life." Vegeta sighed. "Fine, fine. But do you really think sitting here and worrying is doing anything good for mu stress? Just let me come home for a while." "No." Bulma said sternly. "And if you keep asking me, I'll hang up on you. Me an Trunks are going to go train in the gravity room!!" "Oh great!" Vegeta said. "I don't want you to move the gravity setting! It'll take me forever to find it again! You won't be able to stand up in there! I don't like you training like this while I'm gone. Trunks is 5. If you get hurt, he won't know what to do." Vegeta was REALLY worried about the credit he would lose. But also he was a little bit worried about Bulma. "He will." Bulma said. "All he needs to know is call 911." Vegeta sighed. "Okay, whatever. Make sure you leave Picollo in that Linen closet for about 2 weeks." Bulma gasped. "How will I change the sheets?!"  
  
Vegeta thought. "Since I'm not there, the sheets shoulen't get dirty." He resolved."Well, what about Pillow cases?" Vegeta was silent. "Unless you have brain bleeding or bad earwax they should be OKay." "Alright." Bulma said. "What did you do for breakfast and dinner last night? I never taught you how to cook." "Well, I went to the store where this lady called me an idiot about 2,000 times, but I tried to keep my temper in check for the sake of my health." He was reciting lines he had practicly reheared. In other words, he was telling her what she wanted to hear so he woulden't be nagged at. "If you need your clothes washed, have a dilevery guy send them over! You can't wash clothes either." Vegeta knew he coulden't wash clothes, and he didn't really care to know. "Have you heard from Agnis and Casey's lawyer?" Vegeta asked randomly. (Remember the old people at the country club?)."No." Bulma said. "I think they might be afraid of you and me now." Bulma said. "And we can pay almost anything they ask, so it would really be un necessary." "Not if they charged us both conjoined for counts of Physical and Verbal assault?" Bulma was silent. She hoped they didn't do that or they were up the creek without a paddle. "Just.....eat something." Bulma said. "Your hungry." Vegeta said, 'No, I just ate some--" "YOUR HUNGRY." "Ok." Vegeta said. "I guess I'll be hungry then. Bai."  
  
"Bai Vegeta. I love you." "Of course you do." Vegeta said, and he hung up the phone. he was not hungry. He picked up a chocolate cookie and threw it across the room. Rex caught it and chomped it. "You can catch things?" Vegeta asked. "That was pretty cool!" He threw another cookie. Rex hopped up and caught it. "THATs awsome!" Vegeta said. He picked up a ball. "Can you catch THIS, I wonder?" He asked. He opened the back door and they went outside. He tossed the ball, and Rex caught it.  
  
Vegeta had discovered that playing with Balls and dogs was fun! He had been out there with Rex for 3 hours when his stomach started to growl. His throat was horribly dry. "I want some lemonade." Vegeta said. "And a popsicle!" He went into the kitchen and got an ice cold glass of lemonade. Then he got a bright orange popsicle and stepped outside. Rex ran over because he wanted some. Vegeta flew up into the air. "Watch it!" Vegeta growled. "Don't get too close to me." He picked up Rex's bowl and poured some lemonade in it. Then he put a popsicle on the ground. Rex happily lapped up the lemonade and the melting popsicle while Vegeta's ran down his arm. It was really good, but he was starting to get cold. He realized it was nice to get away from his family once in a while. They could become annoying easily. He missed them a little bit because they usually cooked his food and changed his sheets, but he was getting along great wihtout them. And he was glad Bulma made him take Rex with him, because Rex was a good source of company although he was scared to death of him. "Okay Im done!" Vegeta said. He threw the ball as far as he could without it going out of the 3 acre yard. So he didn't throw it very hard because he was so strong. Rex bounded after it. He could run pretty fast for a dog that ate so much junk food from Goten. Vegeta guessed his excersise was from chasing people.  
  
"I have been in here so long." Piccolo wrote on a linen sheet. He was talking out what he wrote. "The hours are like months. I don't know how long I can survive. My eyes are bloodshot and--OW!" The laundrey shoot opened and hit him on the head. Dirty clothes buryed him. "And this strange metal door keeps opening and pouring smelly clothes on me. THere was this one pair of Vegeta's training clothes and boy did they smell like sweat." Picollo rubbed his forehead. His eyes were bloodshot and his mind was becoming unstable. He needed a beer--NOW. "I don't know how long I can last." He sobbed.  
  
Bulma put the last load of dirty clothes in the laundry shoot. Trunks and Goten were playing a violent Video game where intestines and blood spirted everywhere. The game had been banned by Vegeta for Trunks(Not because of the violence but because Vegeta never got to play because it was hogged up)But he was playing it anyway. "Turn that off!" Bulma snapped. "I heard your dad tell you not to play that." She started cleaning out the cat's litter box. "If dad gets a vacation from me, why can't I get one from his stupid rules?" Trunks mouthed off as he threw the controller against the TV. Bulma slapped Trunks across the face. "Don't talk about your father like that!" She said. "Without him you woulden't even be here!" Trunks mocked her. "I was a mistake anyway. Dad used to tell me that when I was bad." Trunks grabbed Goten's arm and dragged him into his room. Picollo started banging against the door again. "Stop it, Piccolo!" Bulma said. She was getting ticked at Piccolo. And she was ticked at Vegeta for telling Trunks he was conceived on a stormy night when Vegeta was tired and not thinking straight. But not even Trunks could believe a stupid cowardly lie like that, and he was 5 going on 6. Goten fell down the stairs all the sudden. "Ow ow ow!" He said as his head hit each step. "What happened?" Bulma asked as Goku rushed over to help Goten. "Trunks pushed me down the stairs. He said his soldiers told him to!" Goten started to cry. "Trunks and his stupid plastic soldiers have gone too far!" Bulma screamed. He stormed up to his room. She opened the door. "Gosh, mom. You really need to put on some makeup today." She growled. Then she brought her shiny high heel down on one of his soldier toys. It squashed with a crack. "Lutenant Charles!" Trunks gasped. "He was planning an attack on the spanish!"" Trunks eyes narrowed. "We'll make sure you pay." He formed his soldiers in another formation. "No more stupid soldiers for you!" Bulma said, and she began crushing all of them." Stop it!" Trunks cried. "You don't know what your doing!" He clawed at his face. Bulma threw open the closet door and saw a horrifying sight. Kitty(The cat)'s paws were tied to four seperate strings attacched to the closet wall. She was meowing and trying to get away. Soldier toys were everywhere. "What were you DOING in there?" She said, throwing the toys out. She untied the cat, who clawed her and ran away. Goku walked in. "ooooooohhhh, I'll bet your grounded." He giggled. Bulma pointed to all the soldiers. "Start smashing toys!" Bulma screamed. Trunks cried and tried to hold his soldiers against him. "If Kernal Roberts can survive we can bring the French army back togather!" Trunks said. "All they need is breif knowledge of the military, and then they can start from scratch!" Bulma and Goku raided every nook and cranny of Trunks' large room and squashed every toy.  
  
Later, Trunks was sobbing in aroom with no soldiers. Bulma was sitting next to him on the bed. "Now trunks, we squashed all your toys because you were hurting other people with them. Hurting other people is bad." Trunks wiped a tear. "But in one of me and daddy's talks, he said its okay to hurt people in make beleive." Bulma showed Trunks a bruise on Goten's arm. "Bruises aren't make beleive. And it's not okay to play violent." "They are if I make them, and I can play whatever the hell I want." "TRUNKS! Where did you hear that?'  
  
"Daddy." They both said at the same time. Bulma looked away. "Okay, new rule. Next time Daddy tells you something, ask me about it to make sure it's true. Sometimes Daddy says things because he wants you to go away. And daddy saw alot of bad things when he was young. So daddy might have a little loose screw." Trunks nodded. "I totally get it. But where do my toys come in!?" BUlma decided something nice. "Let's go buy you some more toys! Toys that good little boys play with. And if your daddy tells you they're wimp toys, tell daddy that he needs to go get laid, and he needs to come see me." Trunks didn't know what that meant, but he nodded because he was telling her what she wanted to hear. So they decded to go and get better 'good boy' toys. Gag me.  
  
Vegeta and Rex were done playing a long day of fetch. Vegeta was tired and he wanted to go to sleep. So he hopped in bed and thats what he did. 


	10. Piccolo goes crazy and a lamb named Must...

Chapter 10 Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z, the game Clue, or anything else copyrighted.  
It had been a week since Picollo was locked inside the Linen closet. Bulma was happier than ever! She would slip him bacon fat and stuff. She said food wasn't good for starting your new life. And she was also happy because Vegeta's vacation was over in 5 days and they could make up for lost time, so to speak. When her and Trunks had gone toy shopping, Trunks was devestated. She had bought him toys of lambs and rubber ducks. His entire room was baby colors. All his toys had interaction skills. "You'll pay for this!" Trunks yelled from his room. "For every last toy! Don't you beleive in reincarnation? What if Coloniel Mustard(Get the joke? CLUE) Gets reincarnated as a bunch of sheep! Sheep can cause way more damage!" Trunks rubbed his hands together. "Yes, I beleive you." Bulma said, rolling her eyes. "Where's your dirty socks?" Trunks pointed to the linen closet. "I'm not going there." Bulma mumbled. Piccolo was going TRULY, TRULY insane. The last few times she had opened the linen closet to get a look, which was about an hour ago, His eyes had been rolling around in his head and they were all puffy. He had mumbled things about the demons under the sheets. (Don't ask) As of now he was bashing against the door and swearing he would get his vengeance to Bulma and Trunks. Shge shrugged him off as Akurei walked through the door. It had been a while since they'd seen eachother. "I brought you some candy!" He said, holding it out. "They're all orange flavor!" Bulma closed the box of choclates and handed them back. "You KNOW I'm allergic to oranges." Bulma said. Akurei hung his head. "I'm sorry. All the training has gotten to me. Why's there someone in the closet!" "Shhhh." Bulma instructed. "It's Piccolo. I'm trying to help him help himself. It's a long story really." Picollo bashed his head against the door. "I don't think he wants your help." Akurei said. Trunks cackled horribly from his room. "BAA BAA BLOODY SHEEP, HAVE YOU ANY GUTS! NO SIR, NO SIR, THEY'RE ALL ON THE SIDEWALK!!" Trunks sang evilly. Then he laughed. "I'm more worried about my son than Piccolo." Bulma said, slapping her head. Then she went to tell Trunks to call his dad.  
  
"Hello?" Vegeta said into the ringing phone. He was laying on the couch with Rex beside him, flipping through channels. They had developed a special bond after the ball catching and now they were inseperable. "Its Trunks." Trunks whispered. "What? What do you want?" Trunks laughed. "Whats so funny, son? Is something wrong?" Trunks cackled again. "Hey Daddy! Piccolo is going crazy. And I want to change my name to Shirly." Vegeta's eyes widened. "Let's take this a step at a time. What did you say?" "I said Piccolo is going nuts and I want to change my name to--" He was cut off as there was a terrible explosion at the other end of the line and the cord was disconnected. "Was that one of a child's typical monthly explosions?" Vegeta asked. "Or was that something dangerous?!" He picked up the phone and dialed Bulma's cell. She answered. "Oh hi Vegeta. Did you hear that?" "Yes, I did." Vegeta said. "If you don't tell me what Happened, I'm coming home." "Nothing happened, Honey. Piccolo just burst out of the closet and flew out the window. He destroyed our Cable Box and TV, but thats all." Vegeta gasped. "TV? Cable Box? Now My playbo-- I mean, Now my Boxing channel is gone." Vegeta pouted. "It's not fair. Where do you think he's headed towards?" "I don't know!" Bulma said. "Maybe to a strip joint?" That was probley the case. Drugs and Alchohal weren't the only things Piccolo was deprived of. (LOL!)"Well, If anything comes up, Give me a call, Okay?" Vegeta said. "Okay Vegeta. Bye. I have to go patch up the hole in the water bed." She hung up the phone. She sounded P*ssed. It was probley Trunks and his new toys she had told him about earlier in the week. She said he had sung a song that goes, 'LITTLE BOW PEEP GET AWAY FROM THOSE SHEEP WITH THE CHAINSAWS AND SO MANY GUNS'. Vegeta was worried about Trunks' sanity. But then again, he was only 5 years old and children that young tended to be weird sometimes. Vegeta clicked the Remote onto the news channel. He dropped his hand down to pet Rex and realized he wasn't there. Rex was at the front door scratching on it. "You just went out to pee!" Vegeta said. "Wait a while!" But Rex kept on. So Vegeta turned his attention on the TV. "A large and rather ugly green man is terrorizing an old lady." Said the reporter. The screen flashed to Piccolo biting a 70 year old's ear. "You rearely ever get to see scenes of nature so....so.....halarious. Nature doesn't tend to be this way." Then Piccolo flashed right in front of the camera. He shot a Special Beam Cannon at the reporter, singing her head clean off. "Yes, thats right, June!" Said a male reporter. "Nature doesn't get any funnier than this!" The camera flashed to Piccolo Special Beam Connoning a house. (From now on, S.B.C stands for Special Beam Cannon) "God, he is nuts!" Vegeta shouted. He noticed a familier face was flying toward Picollo. It was Akurei. He shot a Ki blast, and it hit Piccolo in the butt. He howled and turned around. Akurei noticed the camera was on him as Piccolo's butt swelled to Ghetto Proportions. "Why, hello." Akurei said. "What happened to your sexy young reporter?" "June got her head blasted off." Said the Male reporter. "I'm Jack Offer(Get the joke?). We noticed that you just shot a beam out of your hand. Where the hell did it come from, and are you a freak of nature?" He held the Microphone up to Akurei's mouth. "Um, Im a Saiyan? I fight for you people? I just wanted to say you can go to my website. I have webcams of many young woman, inckuding my best friends wife." Vegeta's eyes got big. "WHAT?!" He said. He cursed Akurei and decided not to go help. Piccolo trampled Akurei and tried to suck his blood. "Apparently, the large ugly green man thinks he's a vampire." Picollo got in the camera and roared as strings of spit flowed down his chin. "I'm gonna bite your skin into bite sized chunks and bite you until you can't bite any more!" He roared. The camera zoomed in on Picollo's left nostril. "Can you blow your nose, green guy?" Jack Offer asked. "I mean, you got this big green--" Picollo bit Jack Offer's cheek. He started biting him as the camera was thrown into a civilian. You could hear Jack Offer wail in the back ground. Akurei pounced on Piccolo and Began beating him up. "Ow." The civialian said. "We just got like...totally amazing footage of a green man's nose. And you saw it LIVE On KSTP channel 57." Piccolo knocked Akurei off him and killed a little kid. Then Vegeta saw two more familer faces dart onto the scene. Bulma kicked and planted her foot so hard on Picollo's butt Vegeta could have sworn her foot went up it. "What in the hell is she doing?" Vegeta asked. Trunks hopped on Piccolo's shoulders and began pulling his antennae. "Silly funny buggy man." Trunks taunted. He pulled harder. "HA HA! You have silly funny buggy strings sticking out of your silly funny buggy head." He yanked them. Piccolo bit his foot. The sweet taste of blood rushed past his sharp teeth and down his throat. Vegeta saw Blood explode from around where the teeth went it. "OW!" Trunks shouted and was thrown off with a sling of Piccolo's head. Then Piccolo turned to Bulma with evil eyes. "Is this yours??" He asked, pulling a high heeled shoe out of his crack. "Yes." Bulma said, scowling at the hole in Piccolo's pants and the slime on her shoe. She slipped in on her foot. "Yes, it's mine." She said, snottily. "And you have some cleaning to do down there." Vegeta howled with laughter. So did the civilian. Piccolo growled at Bulma and The camera shut off. Vegeta grabbed his doggy and his doggy's leash and put them on his back. Then they blasted out of the cabin and to where Piccolo and his nasty crack were.  
  
Vegeta saw Trunks laying on the ground holding his bleeding foot. Vegeta landed. "Oh, stop crying! At least your foot didn't go up Piccolo's CRACK!" Trunks sniffed. "Hey Vegeta!" Piccolo said. "Im gonna kill the things you like the most!" He pointed at Bulma. "NO! Not Bulma!" Vegeta said. He pointed at the library. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEAVE THE LIVRARY OUT OF THIS!" He dove to try and save all the books. But he was too late. The library exploded and a book of naked ladies landed inTrunks' lap. As Vegeta wailed, he started thumbing through the magazine. He saw some things he hand never known to exist. "The library!" Vegeta said, tying Rex to a tree. "Now it's personal!" Vegeta made a sighn Language 'B' and launched a Big Bang attack. It nailed Picollo and his pants flew off. He was wearing flowery thongs. Bulma started laughing. She fell over. "Those underwear are more frilly than mine!" There was a big orange frill around the edges. Piccolo covered them up but then decided to fight in his lady's underpants. The civilian laughed. "This is funny. WAIT! Those are my mothers!" The civilian dropped the camera. "We can't beat him up!" Bulma said. "Look! He's disabled. His @$$ crack smells inhuman!" Vegeta went Super Siayan. "Let's knock off his shirt and see if he's wearing a bra!" He said, and he flew up. Indeed, Piccolo was. It matched the underwear.  
  
"Bulma, you leave and fix Trunks' foot up." Vegeta said. "I'm going to beat Piccolo up, and in the process, find out what other secrets he has besides being vilontly queer."OKay!" Bulma said. She looked at the two holes in Trunks' huge swollen foot that looked like a block. They were surrounded by a purple bruise and plenty of blood. Bulma coulden't think of anything to jam in the holes and plug them up. So she did it with cigeratte butts. "OW!" Trunks said. He wasn't crying. "We have to go home and get colonial Mustard and his men!" Trunks explained. "They can fight and kill Piccolo!" Bulma shook her head. "You just stay here with these cigeratte butts in your foot while I go and beat Piccolo but try to avoid his butt crack!" Bulma found that she coulden't fly, so she coulden't get to Piccolo and Vegeta. She was discouraged. She worried about Vegeta's sanity because had to be around Piccolo as he flounced around in frilly thongs. Vegeta was getting the pulp beat out of him. Piccolo was talking in what resembled baby noises. "GA BAA BAA BOO ZA!" He said. "What?" Vegeta asked, blocking punches. "You sound like a baby!" "Ohh BAA?!" Vegeta punched Piccolo right in the face and Piccolo flew down fast and slammed into the side of a brick wall. "OHH BA!"He yelled. He had bitten his tongue almost in half. The Civilian picked up the camera again. "Another strage freak of nature has taken over the fight. Here comes the other freak of nature!" Akurei flew down from an outhouse. He was behind the now airborne Piccolo, who didn't know he was there. Vegeta mouthed at Akurei to attack. Akueri Grabbed an iron crowbar and brought it down HARD on Piccolo's head. "OH BABA!" Piccolo screamed in rage. He turned around and slung Akurei into the wall. Then he sped off. "Where are you going?" Vegeta called after Piccolo. Akurei struggled to get up. Piccolo was flying as fast as he could. To.....A Liquor store! He bursted in through the door. "Okay, People Ba Ba's." Piccolo said. "Give me all the beer, and no one will get hurt." A clerk was terrified. "Sir, if you drink all this beer at one time.....or even over a period of time, it'll make your liver exp--" Piccolo blasted her head off. Then he began grabbing bottles and guzzling them down by the dozen. Vegeta and Akurei burst in through the windows. "Stop it, Piccolo!" Vegeta said. He blasted the beer out of his hand. Akurei picked up about 3 bottles and was about to exit with them, when Piccolo held a finger. The scene seemed to move in slow motion as Piccolo S.B.C'd Akurei three times--In the Heart, Lungs and Stomach. Large holes the zize of quarters were in these places. Akurei was a saiyan peephole. Vegeta stared in amazement. "Does it hurt?" He asked. Akurei nodded. "Get that DEnde...." He started bleeding profusly out his mouth and every hole in his body except his ears. "DENDEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" Vegeta called. Piccolo grabbed his beer and exited. Bulma, Rex and Trunks(Flying) Entered the room. "What happened?" Trunks asked. "He's a pincusion." Bulma cleared the way. "Coming through! Don't worry, I have plenty of cigeratte butts!" Vegeta gawked. "You can't put cigeratte butts in him!" "Well excuse me!" Bulma said. "I can do whatever I want." When she jammed a cigeratte butt in his hole(Ew) He screamed bloody murder. "Oh shut up!" She said, and poked a cigeratte butt down his throat. That shut him up. "Call that 911 mobile." Vegeta said. "I'll catch up with Piccolo." Bulma shook her head. "YOU call the 911 mobile! I'll find Piccolo!" And she ran outside and hopped in someone's plane. Then she flew off. "There's another arrest warrant against her." Vegeta sighed. Rex barked. He was sniffing at the dying Akurei. Trunks was already on the phone with 911, but they were talking about Star Wars. "The Ambulance is on the way." Trunks said when Vegeta asked. "He just knows plenty about Star Wars is all." Vegeta grabbed the phone from Trunks and hung it up on the ringer. Trunks groaned. He pulled the cigeratte butts out of his feet. Blood gushed all around. "EW!" Vegeta screamed. "God, Trunks, put it back!" Trunks put on a sock, but it didn't do any good. In moments the sock was soaked with blood and dripping. The paremedics came in and took Akurei, who was still consious but barely. They decided to take Trunks too because the wounds on his foot were through a main vein or two. "Are you coming with your son and friend?" The paremedic asked. "It wqould probley be better." Vegeta thought. "If I go, Bulma won't know where to find me!" And he hopped in. He was happy to be going. He picked up Rex and put him in because he wanted him to come. "The dog can't go." Said a gay paremedic." Vegeta looked at him evilly. "yes he can! He has rights too!!!!!!" The paremedic shoved Rex down as they sped off. Rex ran after them.  
  
Piccolo was right in the windsheild of the plane. Bulma decided to go in for the kill and ram him in the @$$! "Look out, Piccolo!" She shouted as she put it into mach 5 and drove directly into Piccolo. He groaned and bounced off the windsheild in 3 little hops. Showers of blood poured. But Bulma wasn't finished yet. She put the plane into reverse and rammed into Piccolo from the front, this time, hoping to knock him out of the sky and the fall would knock him unconsious. But the second blow just dazed Piccolo, so she turned the plane around. Then she put the gas pedal to the floor! The plane roared foward and slammed into Piccolo. Scraps of his clothing was stuck to the front bumper of the plane. Piccolo's head was all bloody, as well as his flowery underwear and ghetto butt. Piccolo fell from the sky and landed in a fishing pond. Bulma quickly landed the plane and hopped out. She stole a fishing pole from a lonely old geezer and fished Piccolo out. Then she jumped on top and began beating the pulp out of him. He screamed and screeched and moaned. "THIS IS FOR BEING UGLY!" She said, and she slugged him across the face. "THIS IS FOR HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MASTER ROSHI!" She kicked his balls. "THIS IS FOR NOT DYING!" She slapped him hard. "AND THIS IS FOR BEING A PEICE OF SCUM!" She started punching, slapping and kicking him all over. Soon he was unconsious. She rammed his head against the rocks. Fishermen were watching her. "I hate you!" She yelled. "I HATE YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME?!" The fisherman tapped on her shoulder. "Um, unconsious men can't hear you, dear." He said. Bulma drop kicked him over the horizon.  
  
"You have to write your will." Vegeta prodded. "Because your going to croak soon. We all know that. So lay some money on me." Akurei groaned. "I;m not going to die. I'm going to live." Vegeta slapped him. "Don't speak of such morbid things!" He scolded. "Call in the lawyer and start writing the will! Your blue 63' Thunderbird car is really cool. Perhaps I could.... Or maybe you'll let me take your energy when you die? Then I'll be stronger and your weakness will be of some good." "You can't take someones energy." Akurei said. "Thats impossible." Vegeta nodded. "Yep, pretty much." Trunks griped as the doctors were putting bandages on his foot. :"Who put cigeratte butts in this child?" The doctor asked. "This is the most reckless and disgusting thing to do! Does she even know who smoked them?" Vregeta shrugged. "I don't know! What do you think I am, Confucious?" The doctor was silent. Vegeta clicked on the news. "Its seems a really hot blue haired lady beat the pulp out of the town beater upper guy!" Said the Civilian. A picture of Bulma talking to the press flashed on. "Yeah! And I punched him and ran him over. He's really meaqn, you know. And he has the worst breath. Anyway, he got my husband in jail, so I just decided I would get some revenge. So I did. How much did you say I'll nbe getting payed for this? $50.00 per press per minute sounds good." She paused while a reporter said something. "Why you cheap sons of Bit--" It cut her off as the Civilian showed a picture of the battered and beaten Piccolo. "It looks like he's coming around" Said the civilian. "Maybe he'll talk to us!" He held a Mike up to Picoolo. "BA BA?!" He said. Then his head dropped again. He was fainted again. Bulma's little money issue seemed to be worked out. "My flying, powerball shooting son and husband coulden't do it, but me, an earthiling could!" Vegeta was getting P*ssed that Bulma was talking credit. He hadn't hurt Piccolo because Piccolo was an old friend. Not that Vegeta really liked him......but there was that knowing him thing. It was hard to kill someone when they were only being mean because they were on a drug withdraw. And alchohal. Vegeta dialed Bulma's cell on his. It rang on the TV. "Oh, thats vegeta!" BVulma said. "G2G!" Bulma the TV taped the conversation. "Hello, Bulma? Stop talking to those press people right now! We're at the hospital. Come on." Bulma shook her head. "Vegeta, I'mc getting payed out the @$$ for this! I don't have to work for a month if I'm on herte for just half an hour! So come on, just a little longer." "Okay." Vegeta said. "Fine." Bulma bid her usuall love yous and goodbye and Vegeta hung up, still P*ssed beyond man's repair. Trunks kciked his foot and a bloody bandage hit the doctor in the face.  
  
Later, Vegeta,Bulma and Trunks were happily at home. "I still have 5 days of my vacation left." Vegeta said. He had really started to enjoy the vacation now that he and Rex were such good freinds. "So I'm leaving! Bye!" He was about to fly off but Trunks grabbed him. "Daddy, let me just show you what happens when you go away." He said. "Number one, Green men go nuts. And number two--" They flew to the top of the stairs and he opened the door to his room. Vegeta was horrifyed! His son's brain was being warped by sheeps, birds and giraffes! All in pastel baby colors, as well! "Bulma!" Vegeta said. "What were you thinking?!" She looked so guilty Vegeta almost decided to drop the whole thing. "I just thought that it was bad for his health to shoot his parents and freinds with fake spears." Vegeta was really mad. "He's a little boy! Little boys need boyish toys or they'll grow up sissys or queers! Bulma, Bulma, Bulma....." He shook his head. "I don't see whats so wrong with it." Bulma said. "They're just lambs. Cute little lambs." "No, DEAR." Vegeta said sarcasticly. "I will show you a SHEEP. These are freakin puffy cloud things!" He flew through the window and was back about 3 minutes later. He had a baby lamb in his arms. "THIS is a sheep. THAT is not a sheep." Trunks saw the lamb. It had a blue ribbon and bell around it's neck. "Oh, how cute Vegeta!" Bulma said. She hugged the baby lamb. Her face was buried in its fur. "Its not cute." Said vegeta, disgusted. "It has no way of defending itself. I could snap my fingers and Rex would eat it up!" Bulma hugged it and kissed it. Vegeta was jealous. "I'm taking it back." He said as Trunks joined in on the charade. "But daddy!" Trunks said. "I want to keep it! It's so cute!" "ITS NOT CUTE! Its getting more kisses from my wife than I get in a month, and from here it looks like there's considerably more tongue involved!" Bulma was offended. "I'm not french kissing this lamb." Bulma said. "I only french kiss people and fish." Vegeta decided to let that comment slide. "I didn't mean you were french kissing it! I meant you were licking it! Thats one good thing you did for me! At least you usually keep your tongue in my mouth and not all over my face." Bulma was sad. She stopped kissing the lamb. "If you decide not to go tonight, then..." She said. vegeta rolled his eyes. Trunks was hugging the lamb. "I want to keep this lamb." He said.  
  
"LAmbs poop! They smell! They can't be trained!" The lamb walked over and peed on the newspaper. "And they're smart alecs!" Vegeta added. "Just let him keep the stupid lamb." Bulma said. "No." Said Vegeta. " You have a romantic interest in this lamb." Bulma slapped the lamb. "No I don't. Let him keep the lamb so he'll shut up." Trunks was crying and hugging the lamb. He took out a marker and wrote 'Mustard'on the bell. "Mustard. Thats his name." Trunks giggled. He liked Mustard. "OKay, you can keep Mustard." Vegeta sighed. Trunks hugged Vegeta's legs. "Thank you daddy! Me and Mustard will be so happy!" Rex stepped into the room. Vegeta was hoping he would maul Mustard and get it over with, But Rex just sat down by Vegeta's feet and stared at Mustard. He was scared of Mustard.  
  
"Thanks for letting Trunks keep Mustard." Bulma said to Vegeta in their room. She was brushing her hair (Not that she has much of it. Keep in mind, she has her Buu saga haircut in this story) and pushing her cuticles back while Vegeta played Tug of War with Rex. They were using a sock. Rex stopped and jumped up on the table with the mirror where Bulma was doing her stuff. He put his paws on it and barked. "Get this nasty smelly breath animal out!" She said. "Go put it in Goku's room. It's his dog." Vegeta hugged Rex. "It's my dog." Bulma shook her head."No. We can't have a dog! They're messy and ugly and they have bad breath. Or we can't have one this big, Vegeta. I'll get you a nice Chiwawah. (You know, those small yappy dogs? Can't spell it. Somebody tell me how) Vegeta hugged Rex. "No! It's mine. I won't let you take rex away from me just because your attracted to a lamb!" "What does a lamb have to do with it?" Bulma asked. Then she put on a night gown and they put Rex in the hall and maybe I should stop writing about them right now so they can do their stuff in peace.  
  
Trunks was laying in his room all by himself in his bed with Mustard. Mustard kept making a weird sound going 'BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" And Trunks didn't like this sound one bit. But he liked Mustard alot. But There was one problem. Whenever Trunks was around Mustard, he always had this huge urge to sneeze. And he thought he felt his eyes swelling up.  
  
Vegeta was awake at 1:00 AM. He had spasificly waited until Bulma was asleep because he needed to go on a mission. He sat up in bed and saw that the time was just right. Then he looked over at Bulma. She was perfectly sound asleep. He was sure he could get away with it if he was quiet. He slowly pulled himself out of bed and got dressed. It was raining outside, so he put on a big black raincoat that looked like a trashbag. But as he stepped across the room and to the window, a board in the floor made a long creak. Vegeta scowled and cursed the floor as Bulma turned around. He felt sure that when her hand flopped over in her sleep and he wasn't there she would almost certainly wake up and ask where he was going. Her hand searched for him in her sleep........and she didn't wake up. She rolled over. Vegeta let out the breath he had been holding and hovered up and prepared to fly out the window. But just as he reached it............"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING!?" He turned around. Bulma was still fast asleep. But Chi Chi was in the doorway. "Shut up!" Vegeta ordred. "Your gonna wake her up!" Vegeta stepped out of the room. "Whats your problem?" he asked her. "Do you want me to get caught?" Chi Chi nodded. "Your sneaking out to go screw some......some....Victoria's Secret Model, aren't you?! Is that what your up to?" Vegeta rolled his eyes. "No, they all have squished noses or thin hair." He said. "I think I'll pass. And your not supposed to even be walking down this hall. You guys' rooms are in the other wing!" Vegeta was getting P*ssed. "Well I heard the floorboards creak. I thought, 'it might be bedsprings' but then I thought that you might be trying to leave, and I was right! Boy was I right!" She kept on ranting and ranting and flapping her lips unil Vegeta knocked her out. A big purple ugly ghetto bruise appeared on her head. He thogut she looked kinda like a man. Then Goten came. "I heard you knock out mommy!" He said. "An so I came down and--" Vegeta knocked him out. Then came Goku. "Kakarott, don't make me have to knock out your whole family." Goku went out right the way he came. Then Vegeta entered his room. He hovered over the floor and to the, window. All the sudden-- "OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!" Came Bulma's girlish squeal. "OH! SunofaB*tch.......................................OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!" She screamed again. "Whats wrong?" Vegeta asked. Her eyes popped open. "An ant bit me." She sobbed. Shge smashed a little red fire ant. "Where were you going to so late?" She asked with a yawn. Vegeta debated on weather he should knock her out or not. But he coulden't bring himself to do it. "No where. Just don't worry about it; I'll be back." Bulma nodded and went back to sleep. Then Vegeta left to go see his favorite Kiddy Clown do tricks.  
  
Vegeta loved the clown's tricks. Or he had loved it. Now he was at home back in bed. He was reading a book called ' Animal Farm' and eating some potato chips. He wasn't really understanding the words, though. He was worried about Akurei in the hospital and whether Piccolo was in a place he coulden't get out. Vegeta was probley the only one who knew just how powerful Piccolo was. At one time he had been the second strongest being on earth, that is before Vegeta started his training and became so strong. If Piccolo decided he wanted to, he could train up to be stronger than Vegeta and blast his @$$. Suddenly, Bulma started talking in her sleep. "There's treasure...." She said. Treasure? Vegeta thought. "Isn't that a bunch of gold and money?!" Bulma rolled to where she was facing him. Vegeta watched her talk. She was slurring her words as she said, "The Treasure is Buried outside." She looked dead, which was strange. Vegeta listened carefully, staring intently at her pretty face. "It's buried underneath Rex's doghouse." Bulma concluded. Then she threw her hand weirdly. "It hasss...money." She said as a final adjustment, and then she lay quiet. "Why thank you, Bulma." Vegeta said. "Thanks for the great advice!" Vegeta gave Bulma a kiss on the mouth and went to get his shovel.  
  
It was dawn by the time Vegeta was finished. He had dug a 5 foot hole, but no treasure. And the soil was strange and hard as if it had never been dug in before. "Darn that woman!" Vegeta said. "Her lousy sleep talking sent me on a wild goose chase!" He threw the shovel at their elderly neighbor, Gerald. It hit Gerald in the face and then banged into his palm tree. (He had a palm tree in his yard) Geralds ugly black dog growled at Vegeta. Vegeta blasted it's leg off. Then it shut up. Vegeta stormed in the mouth and took a long drink of water. Bulma was eating a bagel aqnd reading a woman's magazine. Trunks was playing with Mustard in the floor. "Why are YOU all dirty?" Bulma asked, with a mouth full of bagel. She had a strange smile on her face. "Last night you sleep talked about some treasure under Rex's doghouse. I went outside and dug for this so called 'treasure' and there was nothing. You sleep talking isn't very accurate." Vegeta took a large drink, and Bulma bursted out laughing. "I wasn't asleep." She said. "What?" Vegeta asked. "I wasn't asleep. I told you there was treasure under Rex's doghouse to send you on a wild goose chase." Vegeta was angry. "But WHY?!" He asked. "WHY?!" Bulma pointed at a picture in the paper. There was a picture of Vegeta asking for a kiddy clown's autograph."You were the only person over 6 not in the parents section." Bulma laughed. She thought it was pretty funny. "It's not funny!" Vegeta growled. "That's my favorite clown!" "Thank god you didn't pick a prono clown." Trunks said suddenly. "Iv'e heard about those. They come to adult parties and do weird stuff." Vegeta scowled. "I don't know who told you about these adult clowns." "You did." Bulma and trunks said at the same time. Vegeta blushed. "I-Iv'e gotta go get the paper." He ran outside quickly to hide his embarassment. But when he picked up the paper, something very large and painful hit him right in the back of the head. It hitr him so hard his face was buried in the mud. He plucked his face out and looked up right into the snotty nose of Piccolo. A drop of snot hit him on the forehead. "GAH!" He said, startled. He wiped his head on the ground. "What do You want?" He asked. "I'm going to read my paper. Go away." It was that moment he remembered the events of yesterday. He sent a powerful blast right into Piccolo's face, who did 5 soumersaults backwards and hit the fence. Now was Vegeta's chance to finish Piccolo off or permanently disable him. He aimed a Big Bang at Piccolo. Then Gerald stepped on the scene. "Hit Piccolo, or Gerald?" Vegeta thought. It was a tough decision. "Piccolo. No, Gerald! No....." He thought some more. "Gerald." He hit Gerald with a big bang, and he flew right back into his own yard. Then he aimed a blast at Piccolo. A Golagon Fire, or something like that. "Please don't!" Piccolo begged. "I can change, I promise I can! " Vegeta stared at Piccolo. "Trunks, come out here!" Vegeta called. Trunks and Mustard romped at Vegeta's side. "Whats wrong, daddy?! Oh, it's Piccolo." "I want you to test your Burning Attack on Piccolo." Vegeta was so guilty about beating up Piccolo, he decided to get his son to do it. Trunks did as he was told. Piccolo's arm was shattered and burned. Piccolo screamed and blasted off. "I'll be back!" He called as he flew away. "Nice job, son." vegeta said, and he put his hand on Trunks head. Then he saw Mustard. He was a plump little lamb. Plump and healthy. Plump and healthy and he looked mouth-wateringly good. Vegeta began to drool as he stared at Mustard running. The Lamb's )O-So-good looking legs pumped, and Vegeta coulden't take it anymore. He pulled out a knife and spoon and started chasing after the lamb. "Dad!" Trunks said. "What are you doing?" vegeta tried to sink the fork in Mustard's thigh. The animal Bleated and kicked. Right in Vegeta's face. A big red hoofprint made itself known, and when vegeta snorted, there was thick red blood. "I'm bleeding!" He said. "My dose! OW!" Bulma came outside and saw the blood leaking from Vegeta's face and splashing to the ground. She grabbed her hankercehif and held it to Vegeta's nose. "What happened?" She asked. "Was Piccolo here and he hurt you?" Vegeta shook his head. "Yes and Do." He said, and he snorted. "Don't do that!" Bulma said, and she shuttered. "He did come but he didn't hurt my dose." Vegeta said. "Dat lamb Mustard kicked me in dah dose." He blew his nose on the now soaking hanky. His nose was becoming swollen. Mustard was cowering in the corner. "We're eating lambchops donight." Vegeta said, sounding all stuffy. Trunks hugged Mustard. "No!" He wailed. "Mother, don't let him eat Mustard!!" Trunks, Bulma and Vegeta(And Mustard, too) went back inside the house. Rex ran up to Vegeta and put his paws up on his knees. Vegeta petted Rex's head and threw the ball for rex. It bounced off Bulma's expensive vase, which crashed to the floor. Goku was in the kitchen eating an orange. The orange's fresh smell was in the kitchen. Then Bulma walked in. As soon as the smell of the orange hit her nose, she began sneezing and her eyes began itching. "Goku! I cannot-Achoo!-Be around-Achoo!-Oranges because I'm-Achoo!-Allergic to them! Achoo!" She rubbed her running nose. "What's that, Bulma?" Goku asked. He walked over with the orange in his hand. "Rubbing an orange in my face always help clear out the vocal cords!" He said. Those were the last words before Vegeta and Trunks heard Bulma's ear splitting scream and they ran in the kitchen. Goku was rubbing an orange in Bulma's face! Vegeta grabbed the orange and threw it to Rex. "You stupid@$$! She's allergic to oranges!" A purple and orange rash was breaking out all over Bulma's face.  
  
about 45 minutes later, Bulma didn't look so good. Her face was covered with a puffy purplish red rash. Her eyes were swollen shut and watering. Her nose was running and she kept sneezing. The rash was spreading to all parts of her body. Vegeta handed her a glass of water. "Gosh, you look strange." Vegeta said. "You look like a totally different woman." He was silent then. "What do you mean by dat?" Bulma asked, then sneezed. She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. Vegeta sat down on the edge of the bed. "You don't look as pretty." He said. "Right now you look not very pretty at all." For some STRANGE reason that Vegeta didn't quite know, Bulma began to cry. "I know, I look like a monster!" She said. "An ugly monster!" She sobbed. Vegeta patted her on the back. He gave her a tissue. "Not like a monster." He corrected. "Just not as pretty as you did look." "Hand me a mirror." Bulma demanded. "Now, Bulma..." Vegeta said. "I don't think seeing a mirror is the best thing right now--" Bulma grabbed a mirror and gazed upon her once beautiful face at the horrible things that covered it. The swollen eyes, the runny nose, and the purplish red rash. It was now all over her hands and legs, too. "I;m going to GET Goku for this." Bulma growled. "If it's the last thing I do." She slammed the mirror down on the nightstand so hard it shattered. "Um, read a book." Vegeta said. "Sometimes it makes me feel better if I'm mad. Especially if It has alot of sweareeing or revenge getting in it. I just imagine I'm the person swearing or getting revenge and it takes the feelings away. Here, I'll read a passage from a book." He looked through his bookcase and pulled out I know what you did last summer."Here's the passage." Vegeta started, then he cleared his throat. "My mother isn't either."Bud said. "She's in a darned sight worst condition than your mother. I have an account to settle with the four of you, but it hasn't all worked out the way I planned. You're the most important one, though. You're the one who made a joke of it by sending flowers." Vegeta stopped. "And then it goes on to tell of a gruesome attempt to kill. Tears were running down Bulma's montrous face. Then she heard a noise. "Did you...HEAR that?" She asked. She stuck a finger in her ear and twirled it, then listened again. "No....I didn't hear any-- THUMP!!!!!!--Thing? Oh wait, I guess I just did." Rex was barking outside and it sounded like he was trying to bite someone. "Go look outside."Bulma said. Suddenly someone swung the door open as fast as they could and landed right in the middle of Bulma. It was Trunks. "Mommy I heard somethig outside my window. There's someone on my swingset." "That's crazy talk!" Vegeta said. "It could be Goten! Did you think about GOTEN?!" Trunks shook his head. "But it's not. Goten went to the zoo. This person was so big I could hear it bumping." "Maybe you should see who it was." Bulma said. "We just bought that swingset last Christmas." Vegeta got up off the bed. "Fine. But it's nothing." He walked out of the room and Trunks and Bulma waited for something to tell them it was nothing. But They didn't hear anything. Trunks got up. "I'm gonna go see. Maybe Daddy got ate." He floated out the door and to the back door. He slowly turned the knob. He thought that he heard sounds og commotion outside. He was scared.  
  
He had a reason to be scared! The first thing he noticed was that Vegeta was face down on the ground under a swinging swing. Rex was chained up to the fence. And then he raised his eyes. PICCOLO WAS SWINGING! He looked happy and smily. "I don't even think he knwows Daddy is knocked out under here." Trunks thought. "He always told me to stay away from moving swings." He sidestepped slowly in front of the swinging swing. Piccolo's eyes were closed and he was laughing. Trunks extended his hands and braced his feet. Then the swing bashed into his hands and he used all his strength to stop it. Piccolo flew forward and into the tree. Trunks turned around and looked at him. His eyes were bloodshot and red, and he was mad now. He had a can of Gasoline in his hands. He started pouring it all around him and the tree. "What are you DOING?!" Trunks asked. "Your not supposed to play with gasoline." Piccolo pulled out a match. "Oh god your not supposed to play with matches!" Trunks said. "I remember....." *FLASHBACK* Trunks was a small little kid of about 3 and a half. He happily held a box of matches from his daddy's favorite stripping restaraunt. Vegeta and Bulma were bickering in the kitchen, Trunks could hear them. So now was the perfect time to play with what he always dreamed of playing with(Ew that doesn't sound right) He took out a match and struck it against the side. It let up with a orangy yellow glow that Trunks found very pretty. Kitty was underneath him. (Kitty the 1st) Trunks thought the fire was so pretty, he reached out and touched it. "OW!" He yelled, and dropped the match. It landed on the cat, who screamed and yowled. Trunks stomped out the small square of fire beside the cat, who was running all over the yard. "Kitty! Come back so I can fix you!" Kitty ran all around. Trunks' finger was all red and blistery. he popped the finger into his mouth. Thats when Kitty exploded.*END FLASHBACK* By the time Trunks had stopped thinking about the past, Piccolo was getting ready to light the match. Alarms went off in Trunks' head. Even though he was little, he knew what would happen if you put fire on gasoline. Thats how his friend Tommy's suicidal dad set their house on fire. Trunks jumped on Piccolo and they began to wrestle for the match. Piccolo put Trunks' hand, and blood poured out. It wasn't that deep though. So Trunks applied a punch to Piccolo's mouth, knocking out all his front teeth and one of his pointy fangs. They clattered to the floor. Piccolo was inraged because his teeth were one of his best weapons. He struck the match extremely fast and got ready to drop it. But Trunks grabbed it and threw it behind him blindly. Any place was better than hitting the gasoline.  
  
Later, as Trunks and Bulma sat it the hospital, Trunks thought he was really bad. He didn't mean to! The doctors wheeled in the stretcher with the burned up Vegeta on it. Vegeta growled. "You are SOOOOOOOO dead when I get out of here." Vegeta said. Trunks scratched his head. "Hey, any place is better than on the gasoline." Vegeta struggled to grab Trunks, but practiccly his whole body was a cast. "Stop!" Bulma said. "The more you move, the more likely you are to have scars. I dont want to sleep with a man who has scars all over him." She shuttered. "They said they could give me surgery to get rid of any scars." Vegeta rasped. "Now let me cut off Trunks' head." Trunks knew Vegeta didn't mean it, but he was still scared. "I always Told you not to play with matches!" Vegeta said. "Since you were three, and you exploded Kitty the 1st. I spent weeks cleaning off the side of the house. But NO! Everything I tell you goes in one ear and out the other." He wiggled in all the casts. "STOP it." Bulma said. Her rash's and stuff was totally gone by now, but she was still cranky. "These casts are stupid looking. They make me look like...like I'm weak!" Trunks hopped up on the bed with his dad. "Yes....Yes now your in perfect strangling range..." Vegeta said. "VEGETA, If you move in those casts I'm going to snatch you bald!" Bulma snapped. He lay perfectly still, but he glared at Trunks. "Let's watch the TV." Trunks said. He clicked on the TV with the remote. It was on the news channel, and they saw a familier face. Piccolo! Trunks gasped. "Daddy, with you in the hospital, what are we going to do about Piccolo?!" Vegeta wiggled. "I'm going to bust out of this joint and blast off his ears." Bulma slapped Vegeta right on the cheek. "STOP WIGGLING!" He stopped. Blood leaked from the bruns where she had slapped him. "Sorry, Honey." Bulma said, and she began to wipe it off. It was nasty. Piccolo, on the news, was terrorizing Toys R Us. "Thats my favorite store!" Trunks said. "We have to do something." He looked out the window and saw smoke rising from the all-too-familier store. "Come on, daddy!" Trunks said. He tugged on Vegeta's mass of casts. "Leave me alone, brat." He snapped. "I'm going to sit here and enjoy not being able to do anything while I can." Vegeta closed his eyes. Trunks jumped out the window and began to fly. He decided to go and get Goten from the zoo to help him out. So he headed in that direction.  
  
The zoo was a smelly, ugly place full of animals who were bleating and hollering as circus masters and people abused them. Trunks decided not to focus on the animals, but on Goten. Goten and his parents were gazing at the tiger pin. "Cool, daddy! Woulden't you just totally FLIP if he bursted through the wires and ate you?" Goku shrugged. "Yes, just absolutly FLIP." He said sarcasticcly. Trunks landed and began tugging on Goten's arm. "What is it, Trunks?" Goten asked, annoyed. "We're on A Family trip." It was Goten's 5th birthday today. Trunks 6th brithday was next week. "We have to go stop piccolo from destroying the Toy R Us." Goten's eyes got wide. "He's destorying the Toys R Us? No kidding!" Goten began hovering. He powered up to Super Saiyan. So did Trunks. They flew toward the toy store, which was by now bursted into flame. Piccolo was carrying some lady's baby in the crook of his arm and laughing. "My baby!" The lady screamed. "Will somebody please tell him to make my baby's death slow and painful?!" Trunks and Goten decided to ignore her comment and PRETEND like she wanted her baby back. Trunks and his freind flew up to confront Piccolo. "Piccolo, what do you have to say for yourself?!" Trunks asked, furious. "I have nothing to say." Piccolo said, and he dropped the baby. Its screams got softer as it went down, a bit of a releif for Trunks. But Goten, on instinct, zipped down as fast as he could and caught the child. It ceased its screaming and stared at Goten peculiarly. Goten floated down and handed the child to it's mother, who didn't look to thrilled. She stalked off into a female stripping club. "Goten, get up here!" Trunks shouted. Him and Piccolo were in a punching round, and Trunks was using the best of his wits and training to avoid them all. But he wasn't trained more than Piccolo. Piccolo zipped around to the back of Trunks and applied a punch to the back of his head which sent him flying down to the ground. He hit his head and skidded about 50 feet with his face ingraved in the pavement. "Ow." Goten said. "That looks like it hurt." Trunks jumped up, powered up and zipped back to join the fight again. He caught Piccolo in the side of the face with a kick, but it didn't knock him out of the air. It just knocked him flying about 100 yards. Piccolo growled and zipped forward, punching Trunks about 50 times. When Trunks was wavering back and fourth and about to fall, Piccolo Used a Special Beam Cannon to knock Trunks out of the air. He flew 70 feet down to the ground and busted his head wide open. "Uh oh." Goten said. "Trunks is stronger than me, and he coulden't do it! But I have to try!" He powered up as high as he could and flew over to Piccolo. He tried yo punch clumsily, But Piccolo moved his head slightly and punched Goten square in the nose. he flew into a building and was knocked out on impact.  
  
Vegeta and Bulma were watching this on the news. "Oh great, our son's a weakiling!" He said. "He coulden't beat up PICCOLO, of all people." Vegeta was trying to hide that he was worried about Trunks. "What are we going to do?" Bulma asked. "You can't get out of bed or you'll have scars." Vegeta groaned.  
  
"We need the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers!" Goten said to a woozy Trunks, who was struggling to stand. "They could beat Piccolo. I mean, bam, bang boom, and he'd be dead." Piccolo landed right in front of Goten. Goten put his hands together. "You come one step closer and I'll Kamehameha your @$$." Trunks let the vulgar language pass. "Yeah, you stupid green bafoon with a nasty butt crack! You ruined my mother's best shoes and caused me to throw a match on my daddy!" Trunks powered up. "Now It's OUR turn to stick something up your @$$!" Trunks blinked behind Piccolo and applied a swift kick to Piccolo's already bruised buttocks. he screamed in agony and whipped around to grab Trunks, but He blinked around front and kicked him right in the face. Goten joined in and threw an energy wave. It hit Piccolo's side and caused a large hole in the clothing, but barely broke the skin. "You have to use stronger attacks than that." Trunks said. "This guy used to be the second strongest person in the world, so says daddy." Goten nodded, and used Kamehameha. This knocked Piccolo out of the air. Trunks made a sign language 'b' and hoped he could use the attack his father had been pushing to teach him for so long. He gathered up all his power and did his father's classic Big Bang. It worked, but wasn't as strong as his father's. Piccolo screamed as his arm was blown off. AS you DBZ fan's know, Piccolo can regenerate any body part he loses. So as he struggled to regenerate, Trunks and Goten shot him with a barrage of power blasts. Some of the weaker ones bounced off, but most of them hit Piccolo in painful places. He screamed and yelped. When the two children were totally out of energy, they waited until the smoke cleared to see if Piccolo was going to be dead or alive. They gulped as the smoke cleared. It was almost clear, and-- That was the ladt thought they had before Piccolo blinked behind them and knocked them out.  
  
Bulma was horrified. "Vegeta, our kid and his friend are out of energy!" She said, breathing hard. "They can't fight back like that! We have to help!" She hiked open the window. "Bulma, do you really think you can help at all? Your of the human race. You can't do anything. With Akurei gone, and Krillin being a misanthrope(Look it up, pal) and Goku burnt to a solid peice, there's nobody. Our son is as good as........" Vegeta trailed off. "Dead.....Your right, Bulma, go. I'll just sit here in all these rediculous casts and watch TV. He wiggled. "If you wiggle one more time I'll do to YOU what I want to do to Piccolo!" Vegeta stopped wiggling. It wasn't worth it. "Just get outta my sight." Said an angry Vegeta. She ran out the door. Since she coulden't fly, she would have to run all the way. She was P*ssed because Vegeta was being so mean. But, she was going against his wishes and he was very worried probley. But still, his little coment had stung. 


	11. This chappie ish a suprise to what happe...

Chapter 11  
  
Diaclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or anything else copyrighted in this story. Im simply not that stupid.  
  
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Vegeta stared at the TV unblinking as they tracked Bulma running across the city. She wasn't very fast, even though she was waring her rather worn out leather boots she wears on the show. She ran like a girl. (Watching girls run, even MYSELF on video tape never ceases to make me laugh, we just run so funny)But Vegeta was really mad because she had defied his wishes. The camera flashed back to Trunks and Piccolo and Goten. Piccolo had Trunks and Goten backed into a corner. They were breathing hard and not even attempting to gather a powerball because all the small boys' energy was gone. Vegeta prayed Bulma would get there in time, but he doubted Piccolo would even FEEL her kicks. Then he started to get worried when he thought about how WEAK she was. And it didn't help his worries when Goku walked in with two cokes from McDonald's. "Hey, Vegeta!" He said. He handed him a coke. Vegeta took a drink. He was thinking hard. "What's wrong?" Goku asked. vegeta nodded in the direction of the TV. "Gee, is that BULMA?" Goku asked. "I'll bet the camera man is just taping her to watch her bounce, so to speak." Vegeta slapped Goku. "Can't you see? She's on her way to fight Piccolo." Goku was cluless as usual. "Why do you want to fight Piccolo? Isn't he good?" Vegeta slapped his forehead. "He was until he went crazy with drug and alchohal withdrawls!" Vegeta's first thought was that if he didn't get out of this bed to fight, Bulma and Trunks were as good as dead. But then he remembered his terrible burns. His second thought was that Kakarot could go and fight Piccolo. But Goku's energy level had been decreased from being burnt, and his muscles were all stiff from being in that wheelchair, and he hadn't trained for MONTHS, so his senses were all dull. And it wasn't easy to ask someone to fight who you almost burned to death. Than Vegeta got an idea. "Kakarott!" He said, sitting up so suddenly all his burned extremity's jolted. He winced. "What is it?" Goku asked. "I'm watching Bulma run, for the same reason the camera man probley is." Vegeta slapped Goku again. "You pervert! I need you to do that finger flashy thingy to go get Dende." Goku was puzzled. "Finger Flashy? I don't have an attack called 'finger flashy'. Goten might, but--" "No, I'm talking about that......one where you put the fingers on your head and you go places? I can't remember the name." A lightbulb switched on in Vegeta's head. "Instant Transmission. I think thats it!" Goku nodded. "Yeah. Thats it. To Dende? And bring him here, right?" Vegeta nodded. "Yes, where else....?" Goku instant Transmitted out of the room.  
  
When Goku got to the lookout, Dende and Mr. Popo were drinking wildly and watching X rated adult movies. Goku was puzzled, but he still snuck a peak or two at the X-rated movie. "Um, Dende?" He asked, watching the TV. Dende turned around with half opened eyes. "Whadda you want?" He asked, getting up. He swayed vilontly back and forth, so he thought he was going to fall. He caught the couch and steadyed himself. "I need you to come back with me." Goku said, staring at the TV. Dende walked over. "Sure, whatever." He was still weaving. "Are we going, or what?" he asked. Goku was still. "Just wait till this part's over." He said.  
  
Goku and Dende blinked right into Vegeta's room in about 10 minutes. "What took you so long?" Vegeta snapped. "I was waiting! Bulma's almost there!" Trunks and Goten were busy avoiding blasts from Piccolo. "We were watching an X-rated film." Goku said. "A really nice part." Vegeta wiggled. "Dende, get over here and heal me." Dende waddled over. " No can do. I can't heal anybody with a good heart." Goku looked at him akwardly. "You got it backwards, Dende." Dende shrugged and waddled over to Vegeta. He held his hands over his burned face. "Make sure you don't leave any scars or Bulma will leave me." He instructed meanly. "Now hurry." Vegeta was so badly hurt that it took at least two minutes for the healing to be complete. He looked good as new, but still wearing the hospital gown. "I can't fight in casts and a hospital gown." Vegeta said. He started slinging his arms around trying to get his casts off. But they woulden't come off. Then he started kicking his legs. But to no prevail. They were stuck tight. He ki blasted his leg, and the cast shattered. Unfortunatly, so did his leg. "OW!" He cried. Of course he could fight with a broken leg, Hell, he'd fought with both of them broken. But it wasn't comfortable in the LEAST. Dende coulden't heal anything else for 30 minutes, but Vegeta coulden't wait that long. So he'd have to fight with this broken leg. He buzzed the nurse with the red button. "What is it?" She asked, coming in. She eyed one of the casts on the floor and the burnless Vegeta. And there was a green guy in the room. "Whats going on?" She snapped. "Your seriously hurt! I have to get that cast on! Your leg is shattered!" She ran over to re apply it. "Thats just the thing. I need them off." The nurse shook her head. "No! Your hurt BAD." Vegeta pointed to the TV. "Thats my WIFE on there. My SOULMATE. I can't sit in here." The nurse shrugged. "I don't care." It flashed to Piccolo. "And now I'm seeing green people on TV and in here." Vegeta was so mad he jumped out if bed. But he stood on one foot so he woulden't further injure his broken leg. He snatched the cast saw from the nurse and began hacking at his casts. "Thats not how you do it." Goku said. "Your going to cut yourself." Vegeta ignored him and hacked until he got one of the arm casts off, leaving a deep red gash. Then he hacked off the other two, leaving DEEPER gashes. Now he had four gashes and a broken leg. Owch. He bursted through the ceiling, nevertheless.  
  
Vegeta got to Bulma just as she was about to kick Piccolo. He grabbed the back of her dress. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Your all better." She looked him up and down. "But your wearing a hospital gown!" She was disappotined, because a hospital gown wasn't near as form-fitting as spandex. "Yeah well my clothes are at home." Vegeta said. He blasted at Piccolo, and it hit his head. He didn't seem to notice because he was cornering Trunks and Goten. "I guess I'll go and stop him from hurting our son!" Bulma said, and she ran up to Piccolo. She bounced off him and scratched him with her long fingernails. "Hey ugly!" She said. "You leave my son alone!" Trunks flushed. "Mother, your embarrasing me!" Piccolo blasted Bulma backwards, but Vegeta flew over and caught her before she hit a skyscraper. That would have turned her into human guts. "Hi, Vegeta." She said, dazed. "That was painful." She shook her head and stood up. "But I'll show him! Rude green man!" As she started running forward, about 30 girl civilians ran up. "Hello, Mr.!" They gushed. "Whats your name and are you single?" They were brushing all up against Vegeta. A pretty blond broad was close to his face. "No, but I sure wish I was." Vegeta powered up and sent them flying. "Why are they bothering me?" Vegeta growled, flying up beside Bulma to go help. "Because your freakin hot, I guess. Piccolo's about to kill Goten." Trunks had his head buried in the sand in the ostrich I-cant- see-you-you-cant-see-me fashion. And Piccolo wasn't bothering him. Vegeta flew over and grabbed Goten. "Kakarott, come get your little brat!" He yelled into one of the newscasters cameras. "He's only getting in the way." As he was distracted, Piccolo camu up behind Vegeta and punched him down. Vegeta winced as he tried to keep his @$$ from grinding into the ground. He landed firmly on his broken leg, and felt two bones grind together painfully. He gritted his teeth so hard they almost broke. "Are you alright?" Bulma asked, helping him up. "Maybe you would like some lemonade?" Vegeta nodded, seeing this as a way to get rid of her for a little while so she wasn't inm the way. "Some lemonade would be peachy keen. Now hurry up; Im really thirsty." Bulma ran into a McDonalds to get some Minute Maid lemonade. Vegeta flew up. When the pressure was reasleased from his leg, it hurt just as bad or worse as it had when he smashed against the ground. There was a painful spot where Vegeta suspected the bone was on the verge of poking through his skin. But he didn't have time to think about that now. About 2 minutes later, Goku wheeled up, grabbed his son and wheeled off. Vegeta barely noticed. Trunks waddled over to Vegeta. "Um, Daddy, can you fight Piccolo for a few moments while I look for something?" He asked. It sounded very important to him. "Trunks, whatever you need to find cannot possibly be more important than this. I thought I had tought you about priorities." Trunks shook his head. "You did teach me about Prie-Or-i-Teez, but thats not what I meant. See, I might have something that I can use to--" Vegeta waved him off. "Fine, fine, just hurry before he kills me." Vegeta flew out to Piccolo. "Hey ugly!!" Piccolo looked at Vegeta. "Excuse me?" He said. "It's not nice to call people ugly. Especially insane people." Vegeta stuck out his tongue and made the dork symnbol. "Well.......In case you haven't noticed, I don't have a reputation for being nice." Vegeta glanced over at Trunks, who was digging through his huge cargo pockets. He rolled his eyes.  
  
Piccolo punched Vegeta on the top of the head. It hurt really bad, because when Vegeta landed his broken leg bent in two ways. He screamed loudly as he looked at the damage. His leg was swollen so bad his spandex were ripping, and it was all lumpy and misshapen. It was hanging on a hinge it looked like, and Vegeta had no control over what it did. Vegeta took out a pocket knife and had to CUT off his boot and leg of his spandex. they were squeezing the broken leg. Piccolo came over and SBC'd him in the leg. His leg hurt so bad already he barely felt it. So he flew up and decided to kick Piccolo(With his good leg of course) but when he did, Piccolo grabbed his broken leg and swung him around by it. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Vegeta screamed. Bulma came out of the restaruant with lemonade. "OMG!" She gasped. She ran up and kicked Piccolo squarly in the back of the head. Trunks was still searching through his pockets. "Nickles.....Dimes...." He hummed as he pulled everything out. "Lemon drops, bear food, quarter, stickers.........." He ate a lemon drop. Then he put his hand in his other pocket. There were like 7 GameBoy games and a gameboy, and a cell phone he stole from the guy next door, and one of Vegeta's man magazines, and some fingernail polish because he liked the smell, a pocket knife, a dry erase marker....." But he still coulden't find it! Piccolo was beating the crap out of Vegeta and Bulma. Trunks almost fainted at the sight of blood, a trait that Vegeta tried to train him out of. He looked at Vegeta's leg which was misshapen and ugly and purple, and Bulma was too scared to do anything. Trunks took out some bandaids. He flew over and put a bandaid on Vegeta's leg. Vegeta didn't say anything. "Hurry up!" He snapped at Trunks. Trunks put his hand in his pocket and he felt something. It was something hard and big and sharp! It was what he was looking for! He pulled it out. Vegeta stared at it. "Is this your big plan?" He asked. "THIS? Why, your not even supposed to HAVE this!" Vegeta tried to swipe it away from Trunks, but he moved his hand. Trunks flew over to Piccolo. Bulma looked at Trunks with disbeleif because she had strickly banned him from having these! Trunks didn't care though. He pointed General Mustard(Remember his action figures Bulma squished? Well, she missed one)at Piccolo, and pushed the red button that launched the spear. It hit Piccolo right in the temple, and he fell down down down all the way down and hit a rock. Trunks stared as his green skin exploded with a rock coming through. A big string of purple blood hit Vegeta right across the face. "EW!" He said, and wiped it off. He rubbed it on Bulma's shoe. She was fainted because she didn't like blood. Vegeta hovered up and looked at Piccolo's damage. "Whoa." He said. "Trunks--" Trunks was crying. "My spear fell into the lake after it hit Piccolo's head." He didn't care that Piccolo was dead. He just wanted his spear back. Vegeta picked up Bulma over his shoudler. "Get Piccolo!" He screamed at Trunks. "And stop crying! It makes me sick." Vegeta didn't like tears, and Bulma didn't like blood. Trunks hiked Piccolo over his shoulder. They decided to fly them to the hospital.  
  
"Its all your fault he went crazy." Vegeta said to Bulma. "If you hadn't locked him in the linen closet, then all this woulden't have happened." Bulma shook her head. "No, its YOUR fault. All this is somehow linked to your liking books." Vegeta hung his head. "But at least I like something productive." A doctor was putting a cast on Vegeta's leg. But Vegeta didn't think he should bother because he was sjust going to have Dende heal it later. Vegeta said he wanted a blue cast. He liked blue. Bulma wanted him to get purple. Trunks wanted him to get a red one. But Trunks was busy crying over his spear. Piccolo was groaning in the ER while they tried to patch up a huge hole in his chest. After Bulma had came around with smelling salts, she got out of her hospital bed because nothing was wrong with her. But they didn't want to visit Piccolo. He would probley be mad because Trunks put a hole through him. Vegeta got down off the table after the doctor was done putting the cast on. It was hard and uncomfortable. He coulden't move his leg. "This is stupid!" He exclaimed. "Now I have to fly everywhere." The doctor looked at him funny. "Fly.............. Okay." He was writing down a report for Dr. Fagface to see because that was Vegeta's doctor. Vegeta didn't like Dr. Fagface. "We need a new doctor." He griped as he hovered out of the office and into the waiting room. "Let's leave!" Trunks said. "Mustard is hungry!" So they decided to leave.  
  
Well, it turns out that Piccolo almost died. The rock had erupted through 2 different organs--the lungs, and his heart. But in a stroke of luck, the doctors managed to repair the damage. But this paragraph isn't about Piccolo. It about Vegeta. anyways, Vegeta had just called Dende over to heal his leg. He was tired of having a jbig bulky cast on his leg. Bulma told him that last night while they were in bed, Vegeta kicked like he usually did in his sleep and the cast stubbed her toe. She had alot of brusies, so to speak. "Hurry up, stupid!" Vegeta said, conking Dende on the head. "The game's on! Hurry it up!" He conked him again. Dende was having trouble healing Vegeta because he was being conked on the head. Trunks was playing with Goten. "Stop conking Dende on the head." Bulma said. "He's trying his best." DEnde shook his head. "You know that's not true." "Maybe you need to be the one with exploded organs." Bulma said. Then she walked out to go and fold clothes. She usually did that when she was upset. I don't know why she was upset, though. Maybe she got in a fight with her mother. Vegeta's leg was all healed! "YAY!" He shouted, and blew Dende against the wall. Dende groaned and scampered out. Goku came in. "That stupid lamb ate my training clothes!" He whined. Trunks hit Goku with a ki blast. "Don't call Mustard stupid." He said. "Good trunks." Vegeta said. "You've been trained well!" Goku humphed and walked out. He was upset. "I'm tired!" Trunks whined. "Goten, Go away. I'm going to bed." Goten grabbed Trunks' arm. "Nuh uh! If you go away your daddy might die of his broken leg!" Trunks flew up the stairs and into his room. "I'm tired too." Bulma yawned. "I'm going to bed." Goku came back with two beers. "Ready to watch the game, Vegeta?" Vegeta nodded. "Sure." "When your ready, come up to bed." Bulma told Vegeta. "Goodnight. I love you." Vegeta nodded as she kissed him goodnight and then looked at the TV. The football players were running out onto the feild. The players were the Dallas Cowboys and this other team. They were wearing green uniforms. "Oh!" Goku said, and he sat on the couch with the beer. He opened it with a *pst* and then he said something. "What is that green team called?" He asked. Goku squinted at the bottom of the screen. "The.........uglyhunchbacks." He said. Vegeta made a weird face. "Thats absurd. Who would want their team to be called the Uglyhunchbacks?" Goku shrugged. "I dunno. Them I guess." Vegeta stared as the Cowboys and they made a touchdown. "Yes!" Vegeta said. "I told you they are going to win. I TOLD YOU." Goku scoffed. "No, You dont even like the cowboys. You said that after watching the last game.' 'i didn't even get to WATCH the last game. Me and Bulma were.....' he searched for a way to say this right-having some fun. but thats none of your buisness. The point is.....I was right and you were wrong. say it, Kakarot."Goku rolled his eyes. "Fine. But that doesn't change the fact that your team sucks." They argued all night until the game was over. The Unglyhunchbacks won.  
  
The next day, Vegeta Bulma and Trunks went to see Piccolo and Akurei at the hospital. Trunks borught balloons and a teddy bear. Bulma brought a paper weight. (LOL) Piccolo looked at the gifts. "Thanks, but what am i going to do with a paperweight? I live in a trash sack, remember?" Bulma hung her head. Vegeta was disgusted. "You aren't going to start refusing paper weights just because of your trash sack." Piccolo looked at his weird. "What are you suggesting, that I live in a box?" Vegeta shook his head. "No! We're going to find you a job, Piccolo. Then your going to buy a house." Piccolo coulden't beleive what he was hearing. "No one's going to give me a job. I'm green, remember? And I'll never be able to balance a budget....Im no mathmetician!" Bulma opened her mouth. "Maybe you could come stay with--" vegeta clapped a hand over her mouth. "No way is he coming to our house. We just got your parents to move out into an apartment, then you let Kakarott move in. We have too many people living with us now." Bulma ripped his hand away. "But Goku and his family's house will be finshed being built in a week! Let him stay!" vegeta looked at Piccolo, who was giving puppy doggy eyes. "NO!" Vegeta said. "Too many people live with us. We'll never get any privacy." "For god's sake, dad, we live in a house with 7 bathrooms." Trunks said. "It's not like you'll ever SEE Piccolo." But Vegeta still refused. "Piccolo has to learn to stand on his own two feet. And in order to do that, you have to get a job and get a house." Bulma rolled her eyes. "Oh please, Vegeta! You can't even stand on your own two feet! You have to get me to do everything! Even put on your shoes!" Vegeta was embarrased. "Its....it's not manly to put on your shoes." "BullSh*t." Bulma said. "Thats not true." Vegeta shrugged. "It is in my book. Plus, that isn't relevant to what we're talking about. Tomarrow, when Piccolo is out of here, he wiull get a job."  
  
"Why do you think Piccolo will get a job?" Bulma asked as they were walking down the hall toward the cafeteria. Trunks was in the room with Akurei. "He's right, you know, he is green. No company is going to want a green guy working for them. The public might think he looks a little strange." Vetetas shrugged. "So? Who cares what the public thinks? All I know is he's not living with us. we don't get enough privacy as it is." Vegeta went into the cafeteria and Bulma followed. "But then again, the only type of job he could get with no schooling are like......McDonalds or something. and a McDonalds pay isn't going to be good enough to handle a household." Vegeta grabbed an ice cream cone and licked it. "Like I said, thats not our problem. We have bigger things to worry about. Your trying to run a company, here, and you barely get any time to work because you have to take care of me and the boy. Piccolo's a DRUG ADDICT for christ's sake. You'll have to run a nursing home in order to meet his needs. And that means you woulden't go to work, and that means no spending money for us. Unless you wanna take up a second job as a whore." But had to admit he had a point. But she wondered how lonmg it had taken him to come up with that speech. Bulma got a venilla ice cream and they sat down. "Maybe we could get him a job as a Capsule Corp employee? he woulden't have to stay at our house. he could stay with mom and dad until he had enough money to buy an apartment." Vegeta shook his head. "No, Capsule Corp people have to be normal looking or people aren't going to want to buy your cars and capsules." "True." Bulma said. they just coulden't think of anything Piccolo could do where he woulden't be seen. "Maybe he could be a magician." Bulma said. "They wear a mask most of the time. And Piccolo has enough of his own hocus pokus! He'd make alot of money." She thought a little more. "Hey! YOU could make alot of money as a magician! You can move things with your fingers." Vegeta groaned. "I am NOT becoming a magician.After all, this is about Piccolo." Bulms thought. 'You don't have to see people to become a telephone operator." "If Piccolo was a telephone operator, and they needed the number to a dating service, he'd tell them to get a life." Vegeta observed. Bulma nodded. "Yes, I guess your right that he would." They coulden't think of anything. Then Bulma got an idea. "Dating service! That's right!" Vegeta looked at her weird. "What are you saying?" Bulma grabbed Vegeta's hands so he would listen. he had a short attention span. "If we find Piccolo a woman, it would set him straight!" Bulma said. "You were a loud slob before you met me! I know this will help set Piccolo in the right direction!" Vegeta laughed. "Me and you fought like cats and dogs when we met. Remember that one time I flew you up and dropped you? I caught you, of course but it scared you awful good." Bulma was getting annoying. "Well, we got past it and so will he." Vegeta shook his head. "The only reason we got over it was because we had to LIVE together so I could train in the gravity room. And if he moves in with a girl he barely knows, like I did, it may result in a kid, like two certain people that we all know." Bulma growled. "That was a mistake. But we ended up getting married, and Trunks would be here anyway." Vegeta admitted she had a point. "But if we had waited it might have been a girl." Vegeta had really wanted a girl. "Shut up. This isn't our time to work out our problems. We're putting an ad for Piccolo in the paper." "Oh, alright." Vegeta sighed.  
  
"Single Handsome male seeks attractive, slim woman. needs guidance in his life for past drug habits. Im very good looking, love animals and have a since of humor. I have the power. Literally. I have a freind who can grant any wish you want. Call Piccolo." Vegeta read from the paper. "Bulma, did you mention that he was GREEN?!" Vegeta asked. Bulma shook her head. "No girl is going to call if it says he's green." Vegeta groaned."No girl is going to STAY! Hello, Bulma, you have to mention these things." She rolled her eyes as the phone rang. Vegeta picked it up. "Vegeta speaking." He said. "State your name and whatever or whoever the hell you want." "I wish you woulden't answer the phone like that." Bulma mouthed. A girl was on the phone. "I'm looking for Piccolo? He had an ad in the paper. Single Handosome male seeks--" "Shut up. I'm getting him." Vegeta threw the phone out the window, and Piccolo picked it up. "Hello?" He said, trying to act smart and spohistecated. "Hello." Said the girls voice. Bulma, Trunks and Vegeta were listening on the other phone."Im Spohie! Is this Piccolo?" "Yes." Piccolo said. "Are you the attractive, slim woman?" "Yes!" The girl said. They talked a little about their personal lives. Two hours later, she asked the big question. "Is there anything your not telling me about yourself before we set up a date?" Sophie asked. Piccolo cleared his throat. "Um, no. Nothing at all." They set up a date Friday at 7:00 at the movies. "Let's go and follow them." Vegeta said. "They might get hot and heavy at the movies!" Bulma slapped that poor Vegeta. "No! We're going to give them privacy. And on the second date........We'l follow them and watch them and make them wish they were never alive." Trunks gave a weird look. "Okay, mother, but the last part......" "Yeah, scratch the last part." Vegeta said.  
  
It was Friday at seven. Piccolo had made Bulma and Vegeta dress up specialy for this night. They all waited in anticipation. then the doorbell rang. "You know what to do, Trunks." Piccolo told the kid. He straightened his tie, and walked to the door. he opened it. There stood.................A monstrosity. She was blonde and ugly, with horrible acne and a smashed nose. Her eyelashes here short and her cheekbones were dull. Even the bit of makeup she had on coulden't hide her borish features. her ponytail was bumpy and her lipstick was uneven. She had a visible love handle around her stomach in which she wore a tight dress; her shoes were scuffed and her toes were too big. Her ears seemed to jut out of her head. "hello, it's Sophie!" She said. "Your such a cute young man." Trunks winced as he escorted her into the room. Vegeta ran and hid behind Bulma. "it's going to be alright....." She told Vegeta. She wished she was the one hiding. "Um, hello, I'm Bulma." Bulma stammered. She pointed at Vegeta. " And this is my lovely and handsome husband Vegeta." She took trunks' hand. "And this is our son, Trunks." Trunks managed a meek wave. "He's so cute!" Sophie said, and she pinched Trunks' cheek. he fought back the urge to punch out her lights. "Where's Piccolo?" Sophie asked. "Surely Im not supposed to go out with your husband." "NO!" Vegeta shouted. he came out of his hiding. "But you really are handsome." Sophie tried to get close to Vegeta, and he blasted her against the bookcase. She honked. "I only get involved with PRETTY ladies." He said. "Be polite!" Bulma said. "Or at least.....try your best." Vegeta stomped away. "Come along, Trunks. You woulden't wanna catch her PIMPLE sickness." He and Trunks walked out, and Piccolo walked in. "hello, mr. Green man. You must be their slave. I'm looking for Piccolo." Piccolo looked hurt. "I AM Piccolo."  
  
It was 12:00 midnight. They were wating for Piccolo to get back home so he could tell them how his night went. Then the door slowly opened. Piccolo walked in. "HOw did it go?" Bulma asked. "Did you get in her--" Bulma stopped Vegeta. "It went fine." Piccolo said, sadly. "Just fine." he went into his room. "Oh, he looked sad." Trunks said. "That means he got REJECTED." Vegeta said. "I can recognize the face of rejection anywhere. He was too GREEN for that ugly broad." Bulma and trunks felt bad for Piccolo. But vegeta didn't. Then the phone rang again. "hello?" bulma asked. 'Hello, this is Mildred." Said a really ugly, honky voice. "W-what is it?" Bulma asked. "Do you want to speak to piccolo or Trunks or vegeta?" 'Piccolo.' The voice honked. "Sure." Bulma said. Piccolo took the phone. "Hello? It's Piccolo." Said Piccolo.  
  
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They had talked on the phone for about 3 hours. When Piccolo got off, he said they had a date for tomarrow at 7. "Okay." Bulma said. "She sure did have an ugly old voice, for someone who is supposed to be pretty." She had a weird look on her face. "She's 26, has two kids and their dad ran out on them." Piccolo said. "She wants a man to help her take care of her two kids. I figure if she already has two kids at 26, she must be pretty awsome, if you know what I mean." Bulma nodded. "Yes, I do." She didn't want to talk about it. "What does she look like?" Trunks asked. "Did she say?" Vegeta was standing in the corner. "Is she another pimply, fat ugly heifer?" Piccolo shook his head. "She told me she admits she has a rather large nose, and big feet too. But I think I can live with that." Vegeta stepped out of his dark spot. "You have to learn that you only accept perfect or better." He said.  
  
It was tomarrow at 7. They were all waiting again, but they hadn't bothered to pretty themselves up. They wore the average clothes and spoke the average language, because they were expecting average. Or lower, of course. Last time they had been ecpecting PRETTIFUL. But they had gotten garbage rank. Sweat was running down Piccolo's face. He hoped it wasn't another Sophie. Then, the doorbell rang. "Who should answer the door?!" Trunks asked. "I can't; I have ketchup on my face!" He wiped at his face. "I can't, I'll seem like an overacheiver!" Bulma said. "I can't, Im her date." Piccolo said. "I can't. I don't want to." Vegeta said. "Go on, Vegeta." Bulma said. "Open the door." He stepped toward the door, silently cursing to himself in Namekian. He'd spent hours learning all the Namekian cusswords so when he cussed in the house Bulma woulden't yell. He turned the knob. There was a beutiful lady. She had blond hair and blue eyes, and she was really skinny. It was obvious she had money because of her Pratashoes and her purse. "Hello, I'm looking for Piccolo." She said in her terrible voice. Vegeta stared at her low-cut dress. "Excuse me?" Said the girl, getting cross. "Im looking for PICCOLO." Vegeta snapped out of it. "Oh, uh, I'm Picco--" Bulma smacked him in the head with a newspaper. "Piccolo's right in here." She said. "Come in and sit down." She cussed at Vegeta while she tried to sit Mildred down at the table. Trunks was shy so he was hiding under the table with Rex. Piccolo came from around the corner. "Hello, I'm Piccolo." He said. Mildred looked pretty suprised, that you could tell. But she tried to be polite. "Um, hello, I'm Mildered." She said. They shook hands. "We'd better get going." Piccolo suggested. She nodded and they stepped out the door.  
  
"This sucks balls." Vegeta groaned. "They get to go out and have fun, and we're stuck to sit in the house." Bulma and Trunks were reading books. Trunks was reading a kiddy one and Bulma was reading 'Cujo' by Stephen King. Vegeta had been reading the book 'Night Shift', but he was too busy thinking about Piccolo to read. "How many times have we gone out and left Goku or Piccolo to take care of Trunks?" Bulma asked. "It has to be 20 at least." Vegeta just picked up his book and started reading. But it was really hard to read without his glasses. But without them, he felt so liberated! And with them on, he felt like a nerd. So he decided not to put them on. He tried to read someore. But the words were so blurry and they all blended together. "Bulma, where's my glasses?" He asked, squinting at the page. When he looked up, it was all blurry because he had been concentrating on the words. "They're over there." She said, pointing. The look on her face suggested someone had just gotten killed. She was all greenish. "I tried to fix them, I think I did a good--" She ran into the bathroom really fast. "Wow!" Trunks said. "Can I see what Mommy was reading?!" He picked up the book. Vegeta decided to let him read it so he would learn his lesson. It took Trunks awhile because he had recenly learned to read. "Wow." he said. "THIS is what adult books are like." He had just read the passage where Cujo is killing Gary and he is ripping his throat out and his arm off. "Let me see that." Vegeta said, and he grabbed the book. He struggled to read it without the glasses. "Oh. I remember this part." He said. "Its pretty gross in the movie, too." He threw the book back into Bulma's chair when she came out. She was still green. "I don't think all that violence is necessary." Vegeta thought she was wimp. Then, the door opened. Piccolo was standing there in the rain. His face was in the darkness. he looked really scary. "What happened?" Trunks asked. "Did you get REJECTED?" He went to take Piccolo's coat, but it was in shreds."Sort of." Piccolo said. Vegeta laughed. "How can you be SORT OF rejected? You obviously were, so spare us the details." Piccolo shook his head and came into the light. Bulma and Trunks gasped. Vegeta bursted out laughing. He was one giant bruise from head to toe. "What happened to you?" Bulma asked. "Are you alright?" She grabbed a rag and put it on his eye. Vegeta tried to talk through his laughs. "Was she*Giggle* really strong*Giggle* and she was Cell's *Giggle* sister?" Then he laughed harder. "No." Piccolo said. "She said we could be together if I allowed her to abuse me for being green." His pointy ears drooped. "Maybe we should call Dende to heal you Piccolo." Trunks said. Piccolo shook his head. "Give me a few hours to wallow in self pity." He went to his trash sack. "I feel bad for Piccolo." Trunks said. "No one likes him." Bulma shook her head. "Thats not intirely true." She said. "But we need to set him up on a date so everyone will like him!" "How will that work?" Trunks asked. "We already tried." Bulma started looking through her photo album. "We need a picture of Piccolo so no one will date him unless they don't mind him being green. That means he has a lower percentage of being rejected! Its totally brilliant!" Vegeta came over. "No one is going to call." He said. "Would YOU date a green man? I certainly woulden't date a green girl." Bulma stayed quiet and flipped through the photo album. There was a picture of baby Trunks trying to grab a butterfly, and of Trunks with the Chicken Pox. Then there was some of her and Vegeta and Dende, then Mr. Popo and Goku. The pictures she had of Piccolo were all either drunk or yelling. She flipped to her and Vegeta's wdding pictures. Piccolo was in a tuxedo, but he was still drunk. She closed the photo album. "Nope. They're all drunk. They all have bloodshot eyes or a yellow complexion." She pulled out another photo album. There was a really old picture Vegeta used to keep in his wallet of a chibi Vegeta. he was like 8 or 9. Then there was a picture of Bulma. Then there was a picture of Bulma's mom and dad, then Bulma's mom and dad's pets. Then a picture of baby Goten then one of Trunks at 3 years of age. She flipped to the back. There was a picture of Piccolo when he was in the Freiza saga. He looked young and didn't have many wrinkles. He wasn't drunk or on drugs. This was a first! She ripped it out. "Perfect!" She screamed. "But that's not current." Vegeta said. "Your lying to the press." Bulma shrugged. " So? They won't care." She glued the pic on a peice of paper and wrote the ad. Then she put it in an envolope and sealed it up.  
  
It was 3 days later. Piccolo didn't know that Bulma put an ad in the paper like that. He was giving up hope they assumed because he always sat in the trash sack and cried. A couple of times Vegeta had to throw a steel toed boot at him to make him shut up. But it didn't always work. One day when it was windy, the phone rang. Trunks answered it. "Hello? This is Trunks. Who is this?" "This is Lauren." "Who's Lauren?" "Someone looking for Piccolo." "Who's Piccolo?" Vegeta snatched the phone. "Give me that!" He snapped. "Hello?" There was a pause." Hello? This is Lauren and I'm looking for Piccolo." "Piccolo?!" Vegeta said. "You don't want that helpless bum. You can do much better. He doens't have a dime to his name and he lives in a trash sack! Save yourself and hang up!" Lauren was laughing. "Great joke. Now give the phone to Piccolo." Vegeta gave the phone to Piccolo and went in the kitchen to bug Bulma while she cleaned the kitchen. "Hello. This is Piccolo. I dont have a dime to my name and I live in a trash sack. Hang up now and save yourself." To Piccolo's amazement, she wanted to talk still. "I saw your green. I think that's really interesting." "She put a Picture of me?" Piccolo said. "yes." Said Lauren. "And Im not green." They had a long, healthy conversation. Then they set up a date for Friday at seven.  
  
Piccolo was really nervous about this one because he knew she already knew he was green. That upset him for some reason.  
  
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That's the end of chapter 11. In about 5 chapters, Im going to end part one of this story and go into part 2, I think. It won't be under any other label on Fanfiction.net, it will just be labeled Ch.1 Part 2 and ch. 2 Part 2 and so on. They won't have any fun names. The second part is pretty much the same except Bulla is born on that one(Bulla is that Vegeta and Bulma's daughter....she's the little blue haired girl on the last few episodes of Dragonball z. The one who calls Vegeta Papa.) 


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